365 Days (ziam fanfiction)

Day 151

Day 151

Time 12:00pm

I wake up to monitors beeping and have tubes in my arms and down my throat. I open my eyes and look around. I see the boys are all here. even zayn. he sleeps beside me holding my hand. I want to reach out and touch him but I restrict myself. I see harry on my other side. curls laid across his face glued to his face because hes been sweating. I remove my arm from underneath zayn and I wipe the hair out of Harry's face. he seems exhausted. like he hasn't slept in days. I frown as I just know it was his who found me. I feel terrible. such a scummy person I am. I'm so worried about me. how I feel what about my friends? what about harry? he's the only one who's constantly been there it feels like. I look around and see liam and Louis both sprawled out in the chairs and zayn still fast asleep. harry awakes as I am touching his face. I remove my hand slowly as he opens his eyes. he looks at me with tear filled eyes. I scoot closer to him as much as the IVs will allow me and hug him unable to say anything because they are pumping the contents of my stomach out. I wrap my hands around him and push him closer. he doesn't hesitates as he wraps his arms around me. I feel my T-shirt start to get wet as i realize he's crying. I rock him back and forth and say "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"why didn't you say something? tell me. I could have helped."

"I shake my head and bury my face deeper into his shoulder. "I'm just so beyond help." I say and my voice cracks as I start to cry and for what is the first time in weeks I cry harder than I've ever cried before and for what also is the first time in months I'm actually honest with them and how I feel.