Adieu To Love

Chapter 24

The clash of silver against the wooden floor, the contents of which splatter hitherto our feet, was nothing more but a distant murmur. Silence that ensued afterwards, punctuated by her hesitant gasps and my enthralled huffs. To say my impulsiveness took my breath away is an understatement. I know not what possessed me when I saw those blue eyes behold me with such deep regard that was near to a seductive kiss, the flour that powdered those rosy cheeks and those hands duly whisking some edible concoction, was more beloved to me than Life itself. Was it seconds, or minutes that we stayed entranced by the silent conversation our eyes held? I know not, what I only know is the fact that we share this moment right now, the rush of exhilaration felt like an old friend greeting after a long while. The pounding of my heart in my ears and which threatened to jump out of my chest, made me more alive than I ever felt in the past months. I felt no resistance from her side except a reluctance that stemmed from disbelief and shock, my hands irresistibly sought to touch her but I resisted. Perhaps we continued for minutes, I don't know, it was a confusion of heat and unspeakable devotion that was unraveled as the seconds pass by. My eyes widen as I find her return the embrace with more enthusiasm than I had launched into, making me catch my breath, a lump forming in my throat as my heart quickened painfully in my chest. Oh, to take it further, but I can't, it felt too early. Not for me, but for the beloved girl in my arms, to scar the innocence which characterizes this beauty, I can't cruelly rob that light from her, the light which had so wrongly being robbed from me.

I immediately broke away from her, holding her by her shoulders as I look into those bewildered eyes, wide and glittering. Amber looks so stunning, I could go on forever if I had to. But I know I shouldn't. Those rosy lips that met mine just a few moments ago, opened and closed like a fish, unable to find words to say. Her eyes said it all; she was enthralled just as much as I was.

I never found myself at a loss of reaction in my life. I gulped, and found myself unable to tear away from her radiant orbs.

'Let it out, Basil, isn't that what I'm here for?'

Her hands reach to touch my cheeks, her fingers brushing the stubble along my jaw lines. My eyes widen; she seemed like a goddess begging to be worshiped. I hadn't calmed down yet; cold shivers went down my spine, my knees felt weak. I could buckle under at any moment. The smile that played up her lips made me queasy.

'God dammit, Basil, you've fucking lost it.'

She giggles as I find my internal self-deprecation slipped through my lips, making me inadvertently blush.

'You've forgotten how to live in these past few months, and it's killing you slowly. Don't deny reality, but accept and move on. I know I might sound insensitive and please don't say anything, listen to someone for once-' she says, with surprising authority, as her fingers teasingly silence my lips.

'-You're aimlessly roaming in circles, thinking you're getting somewhere but in fact you're just ruining yourself further as you go on. I can't see you do this to yourself, and I should damn myself to have waited in the dark, watching you. You, frustrated and confused, roam about like a bomb of misunderstood emotions about to detonate. You've seen just now, that was you relieved to find a friend in someone. Maybe even a lover, if I'm being hopeful. I know I'm annoying, going on and on, but it's the truth and you have to admit it. You need me and I, you. Won't you trust me? I know I might be insecure-'

The ramble continued, but I ceased to hear further, feeling myself drown in a daze, seeing only her. Frazzled, blushing red, and eyes teary and glowing, fixated at me with such love pouring out from the clear oceans within, I clenched my jaw as I felt the urge to kiss her once more.

So I did. And I was glad I had; for I never felt any lighter at heart after that. The seconds prolonged to hours, with myself crying my heart to her at one point and she, like some angel, smothered and vanquished the agonies and miseries that raged like a storm within. I don't remember what I babbled nor what she had said for comfort, I only felt and found reassurance in the weight of what she said. But she said little, and touched on all the sore spots I had, the spots I wasn't consciously aware I had. Her touches, like kisses, made pain blossom like flowers before dampening to naught. Shadows danced vivaciously on her face, the night light luminescent of her inner light, the lack of light enough to let us navigate around the other. We whispered as if afraid the demons around us might catch word of what sacred secrets lie between our hearts. I wasn't aware of the cold floor beneath me but only was acutely aware of the brunette lover laid upon me, seizing me helpless, at my weakest and worst. Hot tears stream down my cold cheeks, her kisses ardently attempting to quieten my aching soul from crying further but I found no pause in the gush of emotion, nor to the anecdote of that fatal day cease to leave my lips. It might be the first time I told anyone in such detail, the finest features so poignantly etched in my mind yet I never breathed a word of it to anyone. Except to her, right now. Her eyes were beautiful, so dynamic, the blues stormy and unsettled by my anguish. It was mesmeric to stare into her eyes as my lips moved on its own, words found its own way on my tongue and till her ears, but I find myself at the edge of the waters that stormed in her eyes. It reminded me of that day I stood at the edge of the bridge, the waters below me, enticing me to jump and end everything there and then. Had I succumbed then, perhaps I wouldn't have met this lovely creature that promises so much to a wretched bastard like myself. Had I answered to Margaret calling to me that night, perhaps I might not be here this minute, in this confusion of distraught and tender love, crying and awkwardly kissing  Amber.