That October Night

Chapter 26

               ALTHOUGH I WAS ASLEEP, I sensed that someone was watching me. My eyes fluttered open and that someone was none other than Raymond. His tongue was tucked in his cheeks, his gaze so focused.

On me.

I know he probably summed up a million conclusion as to why I came over at such a time; but instead of interrogating me, he hugged me. He hugged me as if he knew I needed to be hugged. He hugged me as though he understood me.

And that terrified me.

"Are you always like this?" I blurted, annoyed with him.

He pulled back with a grin. "There's a reason why people are who they are, Shorts."

"Even jerks like you?" I challenged, pulling away from him.

Instead of answering me right away, he walked out of the room and came back with his toothbrush in his hand. 

His eyes grew dark, his playful demeanor gone. "I like you Shorts, I really do."

This was all too much for me. I sat down at the edge of his bed.

"Shorts, I get that you merely tolerate me. I also see you when you're caught off guard." He brushed my hair back. I swallowed. "When you forget about the walls you've built and just be."

His hand dropped to his side. "But I also won't allow you to play tug of war with me. You don't get to just treat me as you wish yet still expect me to be there for you."

Now that stung.

"Oh and breakfast is ready, Shorts." His tone changed as if he didn't just call me out on my bullshit.

And that sat with me the entire morning.

Words can affect you more ways than one. Some brought a smile to your face whereas others--well, they brought a pang to your chest. I don't know why Raymond's words affected me so painfully, but they did.

That's what the truth does, stupid. It hurts.

"Geez, you missed me that much?" A voice called out.

I closed my locker hastily and turned to hug him. Instantly, he sensed that something was wrong, so he pulled away. "You okay there, cupcake?"

A weak scoff escaped my lips. Leave it up to Hakeem to call me so much pet names knowing how much I hated them.

I decided not to answer and instead looked around. "Where's Malik?"

"He'll be here before the first bell," Hakeem replied as we started walking. We walked to our spot in silence, and I think Hakeem did that on purpose.

"No, not really," I finally said when I sat down.

I never sat anywhere but on top of the picnic table. Kat repeatedly scolded me, telling me that our food was supposed to be there not our bottoms.

Of course, I never listened.

"I'm not okay." Saying that out loud to Hakeem felt surprisingly relieving. "I'm not okay."

For three months, I kept convincing myself that I was fine. I bottled my emotions up, allowing myself to feel nothing but numbness.

I wouldn't say this out loud, but all it took was one stupid Raymond boy to get me to admit how I was far from being okay.

How'd I allow that to happen?

"I'm not okay!" This time I practically whimpered to Hakeem. "I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay."