That October Night

Chapter 28

              CHRIS HAVEN'T MOVED AN INCH ever since the unexpected revelation came striking its way into our lives. He stood there glowering at mom.

Conflicted.

It's like his soul left his body and by the time it would return back, mom would have a hard time receiving forgiveness from him. Eventually, he's gonna get drunk later to numb the feeling, and in his drunken state his honesty would either shatter or comfort mom.

Dad was laughing.

It wasn't force nor was it carefree. His humorless laughter was pure anger. He always laughed when he got too angry. It was like his way of keeping his sanity, yet he looked completely insane doing it.

Mom didn't dare look in dad's direction as his piercing colorless eyes shifted from her to the ceiling in between his laughter. I didn't have to look in a mirror to know that my eyes were the exact replica of his right now.

I on the other hand, pulled my headphones over my ears and was about to press play, when mom decided to sputter out nonsense again.

"Stop being dramatic, Ray." Mom tried to touch me but I flinched back as far away from her as possible which was a feet away from the loveseat she previously sat on.

Thankfully, she knew she had crossed the line and sat back down.

"Can't you see? I'm not trying to be that dramatic teenage girl, but things have been hectic for me for the last coupla months. First, I got raped by my 'boyfriend', then my parents tell me they're not who they claim to be. To ice the cake, you slyly slipped in that I had a brother who died. You didn't even bother to tell anyone of us this before."

I made a step forward then halted. "Wait. Is that why you disrespected Kat? You were a teenage mother just like her, weren't you? How hypocritical of you, mom."

"It wasn't my fault," she managed to croak through a floodgate of tears.

"I'm not blaming anything on you, but the TRUTH is all I ever wanted for crying out loud! Is honesty too much to ask for?"

I felt it before it even landed on the screen of my phone. If I were in a movie they would do this loud sound effect when my tear dropped, but I might as well have been in a movie because the room grew excruciatingly silent.

Their expressions were a mixture of sadness, relief and devastation just at the mere fact that that stupid tear revealed itself when it was supposed to remain hidden until I was alone.

A tear that turned into tears that I kept in for months.

Four months, five days.

"THAT'S WHAT TEARS DO, THEY DROP!" I shouted. My bottle of feelings had exploded and I didn't know how to put the lid back on.

Ashamed to be seen in such a vulnerable state, I maneuvered my way outta the living room.

Entering my room, I sat on my bed cross legged, playing the last song I listened to so it could continue to help keep out my demons. I needed to silence them out again even if it meant for a little while longer.

My eyes skipped across the room, not exactly looking at anything in particular. There was a feeling on my chest that I couldn't describe.

I wanted it gone.

The music wasn't helping, because two lines in and I wasn't listening to it anymore. The words became a blurr in my head, not able to recall what song was playing.

I held my chest, looking up and begging to God to help me get through this. Begging Him to help me feel anything but nothing.

I was tired of the numbness. Anything would be better than nothing right now. Silently, I asked Him if something was wrong with me, because it felt like everything was wrong.