A Court of Wind and Shadows

Chapter 19

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Feyre

Wind brushed past me and gently lifted my hair as I smiled at Velaris through the window, rubbing a gentle hand on my stomach, the bump near non-existent, though I knew something was there. My pregnancy would take much more time than a normal human female's would, maybe months longer, maybe a year. My mind was too crowded to remember. I did not know whether the extra time better or worse. Fae time and workings were still slightly new and strange to me, even after over two years in Prythian.

Over two years. By the Cauldron over two years had passed. I was twenty one now, no longer the weak and small human girl I was at nineteen, no longer the broken, drowning, and guilt-ridden hybrid I was at twenty. No, I was strong now, powerful. Full of love and hope and a sense of joy that I had missed so much when I was drowning. And it led here, to this. 

I reached up and rubbed my shoulder, still a bit sore from that creature, but recovery had gone quite well, not including the fact that I had been unconscious for almost a full week though.

Another presence soon entered the room, and I beamed up at my mate, who smiled back, though there was a slight strain in his violet eyes.

"Hello, Feyre darling," Rhysand crooned, walking up to me with cat-soft feet.

"You all are still in Velaris? I had thought by now you would be leaving off to the High Lord duties that you have, and the High Lady ones, I must add, since you are not letting me do them?" I raised a brow at him and tried glaring, but his smirk was making it quite hard.

"I knew that you would want my handsome and beautiful face around for longer, and I simply must oblige to your wishes."

"Prick."

"Mate."

I grinned at him and leaned closer into his chest, savoring the warmth there while hearing the steady beat of his heart. Even after all these, months, over a year after Hybern now, and the way he still rubbed at his chest occasionally made me remember. Remember the fear, the pain, the sorrow I had felt, as I heard his last I love you, not just as a loving declaration, but as his farewell from the world. He had given himself up to save us all, not once but twice, and what had I done, I got myself hurt and vulnerable in a world where we now, always in some way, had to be strong.

My shields were still up and strong, but Rhys still put two fingers below my chin and lifted my face to his, his expression stern but soft at the same time. "Whatever you are thinking right now, stop, I know you Feyre, and this was not your fault. None of it was."

Still, a part of me couldn't help but feeling it was.

A sigh left my lips, and I shook my head. For now, there was no use left dwelling on the past, it would only push me down. Even if it was over a year ago, I still strongly remember how I was after Amarantha, guilt and sorrow and pain eating me alive until there was little of me left, both physically and internally.

I shouldn't focus on what had happened, not at this moment. No, it was better thinking of the future. Of how we would retaliate for this violation. We would not tolerate it. I would be damned if we did.

"When will the trip to the Court of Nightmares happen?" I questioned, and I saw Rhys visibly tense, even if it was minuscule.

"Azriel is still gathering information, and we are planning." Not an answer.