Child Soap Opera

CHAPTER I- The Wedding

"I can't think straight, I'm so nervous," Rex breathed out, squeezing Andy's hand. It hurt a lot. Rex had a kung-fu grip.

"You have nothing to be nervous about," Andy whispered to her mom. "Towie loves you and you guys are meant to be. I think. Maybe- we'll see. I would assume, but... yyyyep." Andy was very sure of herself. Her parents were so in love that not even Meranda could break them apart.

"We're starting!" Pyrus yelled excitedly. "Places!"

Everyone started to move to get into place. Andy was supposed to walk down the aisle with Jona, but she grabbed Pyrus' arm. There was no way she was walking down the aisle with him. Pyrus looked at her and smiled gently. She smiled back. Jona smiled at Andy. Andy spit on him and yelled "TRAITOR!" Jona took the hint and grabbed Duffy's arm. Duffy looked back at Andy and Pyrus, but Andy wouldn't meet her eye.

Andy looked back at her mom in her beautiful white dress, gave her a thumbs up, and smiled at her. Pork was next to Rex since he was to be giving her away. The music started and Morghan, the flower girl, Meranda's daughter, started leading everyone out onto the aisle.

Morghan slowly walked down the aisle, scattering petals around as she went. She was happy for Rex and Towie, but she wished that Towie had married her mother. But at the same time, she realized that her mother was a loser and a failure, and not worthy of marrying anyone but the town drunk, who coincidentally was about to be her father in a few short months.

Towie stood on the altar awaiting his love Rex. Towie Smith was a difficult last name to pronounce, so they decided to take Rex's last name. They were both very happy about that. He soon realized that everyone had risen, and Rex was walking in. Andy and her friends were already on the altar next to him awaiting Rex. Pork licked Rex's hand and nodded toward Towie. Towie was mildy disgusted but still nodded back.

Rex slowly walked onto the altar. "You look... presentable," Towie whispered to her. She smiled. "Thanks".

Preparing for the wedding had been difficult. They had put together the wedding at the last second in order to stop Meranda from continuously flirting with him (she kept "accidentally" dropping things in front of him and it was starting to get annoying). It annoyed them both greatly. They doubted she would cease her attacks on Rex and Towie's relationship, but they figured it was worth a shot. And so, they threw together everything sloppily. They had decided to hold it in BeBe's backyard. They finally had the room for it, since they got rid of the Andy Hut.

Andy had finally given up her delusion about having such an obsolete workspace. She instead now went to Walter's private studio every weekend, and they worked collaboratively on paintings which they sold in their shop. They were the best of friends since Pyrus' Bar Mitzvah party in 7th grade, where they met. People thought that they would date, but Andy wanted a friend, not a love interest. She had Jona for that. Or at least she thought she did.

The priest had started his monologue, but Towie had other things on his mind. He started to doubt whether he wanted to marry Rex. He loved her. He did, he really did. But, his mind couldn't help but think about someone else, someone he loved more.

"Do you take this man to be your as-far-as-we-know lawfully wedded husband?"

"Sure."

"Do you take this woman, who most likely isn't a dinosaur, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I..."

Towie paused unsure what to say.

"...do."

"If anyone objects the marriage of these persons please speak now or neglect to talk about it for the rest of your mortal lives."

"I object!"

A gasp filled the backyard. No one had expected Towie to object to his own wedding.

"YES!" Meranda screamed. "I KNEW YOU LOVED ME MORE THAN THAT WITCH!" She saw this as her opportunity. Time to bring the charm, she said to herself, dropping her toaster. "On no! I dropped my toaster! Let me.............. pick it up." Everyone glared at her, and she soon quieted. Morghan rolled her eyes at her idiot mother. Now even the town drunk would reject her mother. She was going to end up stuck with a drug dealer as her father.

Andy began to cry. She used to throw tantrums when she was little, but she had gotten used to her horrible life. Jona tried to comfort her, but she pushed him away. She didn't want his false pity right now. He went back to his side of the altar next to Pyrus, his face full of defeat. He couldn't undo what he did. He just wished Andy would understand it was a mistake and forgive him already. Duffy gave Jona a sympathetic look. She felt bad for the poor boy. Pyrus left where he was to go comfort Andy since he was the only person she would accept at the moment. He hugged her tightly and whispered soothing words in her ears.

"I-I'm sorry," Towie stammered. "I just couldn't stand the thought of marrying anyone aside from my beloved guitar." Everyone turned toward the guitar which was next to Towie on the altar since it was Towie's best man, or rather, best guitar. "I''m so sorry, Rex. You'll find someone someday who isn't in love with an inanimate object."

Rex broke down in tears. Towie grabbed his guitar from next to him, since the guitar was the best man, kissed it's D-String, and ran down the aisle to get out of this terribly gloomy place. BeBe went up to the altar to comfort her daughter. Since Towie left, the wedding just turned to complete chaos. People were whispering amongst themselves and people tried to get other people to comfort them. Many people were crying. The priest groaned and started to leave.

"Ugh. Why is there so much objectophilia in this town? I'm sick of this place. It's filled with psychopaths. I'm moving to Las Vegas. There are so many drunk weddings there that I'll probably make five times the salary than in this town of loons."

The preacher knew what it was about.