Blurry Minded, Heavy Hearted - A Detroit : Become Human Fanfiction

Chapter 12

Connor POV -

Markus allowed me to spend the night in Jericho. I'm surprised really, that he even trusts me at all. I'm the reason why they were forced to find a new location. Hell, the first time we met I was threatening to kill him. I feel guilt start to rise in my chest. I don't deserve to be here, not after what I did to Markus and Jericho. 

I wipe my eyes, once again crying. This time it wasn't because of Amanda but because of the guilt. I go to visit Markus again. He's in the room with Cameron, having some casual small talk and setting up a bed for me. An occasional giggles resonates out of Cameron and I wonder what Markus could be saying that managed to make the stone him laugh. After a few moments of standing in the door way Cameron finally notices that I'm here and calls Markus's attention to me. He turns around and gives a warm smile. The guilt rises more. 

"Hello, Connor. I hope you don't mind sleeping in here with Cameron. I understand your guys's relationship isn't the best but it's the best I could do short term," he says with an apologetic smile. God he's too nice to me. 

"Are you sure this is okay, Markus? I... practically ruined the original Jericho.. and I almost killed you the first time we meant. God, I have no idea how you can forgive me," I feel my voice crack and I can no longer look at Markus. Tears fall from my eyes, once again, and I feel heat raise to my cheeks realizing that both Markus and Cameron are staring at me. Finally, Markus breaks the silence. 

"Connor," he rubs the side of my arms, making the cuts sting a little less than before. I look up.

"Connor, nothing you've done then matters now. You weren't yourself then. You were controlled by Cyberlife. Now, you are your own person," he finishes, using the encouraging voice he does for speeches. It makes me smile for just a moment but then I'm filled with doubt again. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Of course," he smiles gently at me, making me smile a bit again. 

Cameron watches from the corner, a small but definite smile rises on the side of his lips. Wonder what he's thinking about?

"You okay sleeping in here with Cameron? You never answered my question," Markus teases, a smirk appearing on his face. 

"Oh, yeah it's fine." 

"Okay good! Well I'll be off," he exits the room with a wave and shuts the door behind him.

Honestly, the idea of sleeping in the same room as Cameron makes my heart pump and my stress level increase. No doubt that that my LED is yellow now. Being forced to share a room with Cameron I might as well put an effort to talk to him. I look over at him, once again distracted by something unknown. 

"So.. why Cameron?" 

"Hm?" He breaks out of his gaze.

"Cameron, why that? Why didn't you stick with Connor?"

"Well," he hesitates, "I'm not Connor. You're Connor. I may have some of your memories and deviancy because of you, but I am not you. You... you're a unique individual, as am I. I already took some of your uniqueness... I don't want to take more." He looks down, his LED turning red and his hands shaking slightly. He's clearly shamed that he was made to replace me. I feel bad. 

I grab his hands. He jumps at the touch and jumps up to look at me, tears on the brim of his eyes. I feel awful for him. He shouldn't feel guilty for being made, even if it's made to replace someone ; he can't control that.  

"Cameron I.." I want to reassure him, but I don't know how, so I do what any other big brother could do. I bring him into a hug.

It's his turn to break down and my turn to reassure. As he cries in my arms I rub his back. His break down is much more intense than mine. He grips onto my shirt and his shaking is so intense that it's hard to hold him. As he sobs into my shoulder he tries to talk, failing because of his hyperventilating. 

"I-I-I'm s-so so-sorry C-Connor," he finally manages to choke out. He grips harder into my back and I pull him in further. He's my brother, I don't want to let him suffer so much. 

"Cameron, don't feel sorry. Like Markus said to me, you weren't yourself them. You were controlled then, by cyberlife, by Amanda." He flinches at her name and I pull him closer, hoping it somehow blocks the thought of her out of his mind. 

"Y-You don't hate me?" He pulls out of the hug and looks at me hopefully. 

"Of course not. It'll take a while to get used to you, but you are my brother and nothing will change that," I tell him, holding onto his shoulder and rubbing up and down gently. He smiles. 

"Okay... Thank you so much Connor." He pulls away completely from the hug and goes to his bed, "I'm really tired. It's been a long day.  I'm going to sleep." 

I walk over to your side of the room and into the makeshift bed that Markus has set. I lay down at the same time as Cameron and turn onto my side to face the wall. I'm glad to finally be able to sleep after today, as Cameron said, it's been a long day. Running away from Hank, meeting Cameron, almost freezing to the point of shut down. Long day indeed. 

As I'm laying down I check inside my head as if it were a phone. I've been informed that Hank has messaged me around 12 times now. I read them all. 

Hank : Dammit, Connor. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you off.

God I feel so stupid. Please Connor come home. I'm worried for you. I don't know where you are. 

I didn't mean to send you to Cyberlife, I meant like a counselor. 

I know a lot of androids have counselors to help them deal with their past. 

Please message me back. I'm going insane not knowing where you are.

Sumo misses you. He's been looking for you for a few hours now. 

Dammit, Connor. I miss you too. I can't think of anything besides you.

Please come home son.

I understand why you're mad. I understand that somethings going on and that you're scared. I didn't mean to hurt you.

Please, I need to know if you're alive. I don't know if I can lose another son.

Let me help you, Connor. 

Message me back when you're ready Connor. Just let me know you're safe. 

I miss Hank. I didn't think running off would hurt him so much. God, I'm so stupid. Staring at his words I think of what to say. Apologize? Lie? Explain? Everything seems stupid. Maybe I shouldn't even reply ; he's probably lying anyway. After thinking for a while I send a simple 

Me : I'm safe. 

Seconds later I get a message back from Hank. 

Hank : Thank god. Are you okay?

Do I lie? Do I tell the truth?

Me : Not really. 

Hank : What's going on, Connor? 

Me : I don't know. Something isn't right. 

Hank : Where are you? 

Me : Someplace safe. I promise. 

Hank : God Connor, I miss you so much. Please come home. 

Me : Soon. I need to figure things out. 

Hank : Keep me updated? 

Me : I will. I promise. 

Hank : Captain Fowler is pissed. 

Me : Tell him to fuck off. I don't want to deal with him. 

Hank : Haha, of course Connor. I will. 

Me : I'm tired. Can I go to bed? 

Hank : Of course. Sleep well. 

Me : You too. 

I exit out of my messages and enter into sleep mode, the best part of my day.