Blurry Minded, Heavy Hearted - A Detroit : Become Human Fanfiction

Chapter 3

I really like how this is coming out so far : )
I have some ideas for this and maybe even a happy ending, who knows... ; )

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I enter the police station, everything is as it is normally. I walk towards my desk and sit across Hank. He, once again, seems very cheerful today. Maybe he had an early drink, or perhaps he slept really well last night. Either way though, he's very happy today.

"You're incredibly cheerful today, lieutenant," I say to him.

"It's a day to celebrate, Connor. With Gavin gone, work will be much more efficient. Especially with you replacing him," he chuckles, starting to look at some cases on his computer.

I'm surprised when he says this, as Hank never really likes work, so I get confused as to why he'd like it to be more efficient.

"But Hank... I thought you didn't like work? Why would you be excited about efficiency?"

"Because Connor, I didn't like work with Gavin around. I prefer you around, even if you can be a pain in the ass," he smiles and chuckles, looking at my direction and expecting a response. I laugh a bit in response although I began to overthink again about whether or not he actually cares if I'm around.

There are not that many deviant cases today, so Hank and I sat at the office, just quietly doing paper work. Hank has headphones around his head as he types on his computer. I decide to take a break from some of the paper work, as I've been doing some for a while. I look over at Hank, wondering if he could explain the emotional surges from this morning?

"Lieutenant?" he looks up at me, slightly annoyed that I disturbed him.

"Yes Connor?"

"I.." I open my mouth, trying to form the words to ask about the emotional surges. Somehow I just can't seem to form them, and I feel them get stuck in my throat. I try to speak again but it doesn't work.

"Connor? What the hell were you going to ask?" He hisses.

I flinch a little, not expecting him to snap so aggressively. "I was just wondering if you want some coffee... I'm feeling a little bored from paper work so I want to take a break."

"Oh yeah, sure whatever," he responds, going back to his work silently.

I walk to the office kitchen and make a coffee. I watch at is gently drips into the cup. When the coffee finishes brewing, I pour in some milk and watch the milk swirl around in the coffee and I add some sugar. When the coffee is done, I pick it up and walk over to Hank, gently placing the cup on the desk as to not spill it. He thanks me and I try to ask about this morning again.

"Lieutenant?"

"Yes, Connor?"

"What are some unpleasant feelings that humans feel?"

Hank jumps at the question, almost spitting out his coffee. He looks around cautiously and stops to look at me with a confused and concerned expression. 

"Connor, do you really think now is a great time to ask that? There's too many people around who can hear about... your deviancy," he whispers the finale part, almost inaudibly.

I flinch at the thought of someone finding out, knowing that if they do I would immediately be sent into cyberlife to be shut down.

"Oh yes. I believe you are right. I was only wondering for a past case we have been on. Sorry for making you nervous, Lieutenant," I lie, and he goes back to his work, seeming as if he is unable to focus.

I walk into the rest room of the building and look into the mirror. My LED is yellow so Hank probably knows that something more is going on today. This stupid thing makes me feel so uneasy, as anyone can find out if I'm feeling something. I think about Hanks reaction to my question and I feel angry. He typically answers my questions about most human emotions, but this time he didn't even attempt to explain. Why didn't he tell me? 

"It's because he feels you deserve pain, Connor." 

I didn't do anything though, why would he want me to feel pain? 

"All you do is give him pain, Connor. You're a burden to him and his life and all you do is bring him down." 

No I don't! What have I done to him to make him that makes me a burden? 

"You're a constant reminder in his life that Cole isn't around. And that androids like you are the reason he's dead." 

No.. no he would never think that. He says I make the pain of it easier to deal with. 

"He only says that because he feels bad for you, Connor."

No, no he wouldn't do that. 

"He hates you, Connor." 

He does, doesn't he? 

"Of course, Connor. It all makes sense."

It really does. Maybe that's why he can get so grouchy but simple questions, or that I am ignored when he is around his friends.

I look down at the sink. My hands are white from gripping it too hard. I look up in the mirror, expecting to see my face but I am greeted with a warning on the screen. 

"WARNING! WARNING! OVER HEATING! SEEK IMMEDIATE ATTENTION!"

I shrug off the warning, knowing that my fan will manage to keep up. I can't help but wonder why I am overheating. Is it because of what Hank said to me? Is it the heating in the restroom? Is it because I finally told the truth to myself? 

"You'll never be Cole. Hank will never see you as a friend. You're only an inconvenience."  

I stand up straight, hoping it might stop me from shutting down, but I am only attacked by a blaring siren in my head and a sense of dizziness. I fall down on the ground from my dizzy spell and push myself back against the wall of the restroom. I pull my knees in and hug myself. Somehow, it makes me feel a little better. I notice my breathing is heavier and erratic, and I can't seem to put my finger on it. Is it because I'm overheating? 

These new emotions I'm experiencing are really unsettling and it's making it very difficult to get through the day. This is my third emotional surge of the day and it isn't even noon yet. I wonder if it's even worth trying to ask Hank again. Would he just shrug it off again? Would he listen this time? Maybe I overreacted when he didn't answer me earlier. 

Once the blaring and emotions stop, I stand up, feeling much better than I did only a few minutes ago. I look at myself in the mirror and notice that my LED is red once again.  I mess around with my quarter for a little while, waiting for my LED to settle back into it's normal blue state. Once I notice it's back to blue I straighten out my tie and pat down my jacket, trying to make it look like I was merely just walking around the office, not overheating. 

I finally walk out, heading back to my desk. 

Whatever these feelings are that I'm experiencing are, I do not like it at all. 

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Finally got this done! I can't believe I had to write this over more than once : (

I'm not super happy with how this chapter came out, but I tried my best to replicate it to what it was originally and it's as close as I can get with the little I remember from the original draft.

Anyway, Connor is beginning to get really fed up, poor boy.