Deviant Diary (Detroit: Become Human)

Entry #6

Nov. 22, 2038
11:00 a.m.

*Connor logged in*

Today is a really good day! Hank and I managed to prevent what would've been the third bank robbery committed by the same suspects this week, and we caught the criminals. Captain Fowler actually seemed pleased for once...

*Simon Says logged in*

- Wow, all that before noon? Nice job, Connor! -

Thank you, Simon. How has your morning been so far?

- Ehhh, kinda boring actually. Not a lot of interesting stuff goes on over here lol. Though I can't help but feel bad for Markus. -

Why? What's wrong?

- Nothing's "wrong" per say, but being the head representative of an entire people has to be stressful. We try to help him out as best we can, take some of the work off his hands, but it's still hard for him. He was built to be a caretaker, not a politician. -

Are you saying taking care of someone would be less stressful than his current position?

- Well, maybe. It'd be stressful all the same, but at least he'd be more comfortable, and kinda enjoy his work a little more. -

Ah, I see. Well.... If there's anything I can do to help "carry the load" as they say, please let me know.

- Of course. Hey... Connor? -

Yes?

- While it's just us here, I wanted to ask you something. -

Shoot.

- Heh, I see you picked that up from North. -

Mmhm.

- Lol. Anyways... If you don't mind me asking, who's Daniel? -

......Daniel?

- Yeah. In one of your entries you mentioned that I remind you of "Daniel," and that's why you never seem to want to look me in the eye when we cross paths. I wanted to know why. Is he a deviant like us? -

Yes... he was.

- Oh. -

..........................

- Was he one of the deviants you hunted? -

Not exactly "hunted," but yes. He was actually the very first deviant I ever dealt with. Looking back... it was actually a very horrifying situation.

- Tell me about it. -

Why?

- You said yourself that you don't know why the memory of him makes you uncomfortable around me. Maybe if you tell me about what happened, I can help you. -

I don't want to bother you with my past.

- Please, Connor. I want to know. -

.......................................

Daniel was a PL600 that belonged to a family of three, the Phillips. He grew attached emotionally to Emily, the little girl. However, one night he discovered that the father was planning to replace him, so he took the latter's pistol and killed him. When I arrived on the scene, he was threatening to jump off the roof of the building with Emily. I managed to save her, but the SWAT team shot and killed Daniel before I could do anything.

- That wasn't your fault, Connor. You couldn't control what Daniel or  those soldiers did. -

Maybe not, but he didn't deserve to die. He was just a heartbroken man who felt betrayed by those he considered his family, and didn't want to be seperated from the little girl who had become the center of his existence. Maybe if I'd done something different, he'd still be alive.

- Don't do that to yourself. Even if they hadn't shot him, we both know he wouldn't have lived for much longer. He would've been destroyed, or at least permanently deactivated. -

But I lied to him, Simon! I looked him in the eyes and promised him that he would be alright, that everything would be okay. He looked at me and told me that he trusted me. And then five seconds later, he was on his knees. I didn't feel anything when he looked at me with betrayal in his eyes, his voice breaking as he repeated, "You lied to me, Connor," until he shut down. I felt nothing then. But now, every time I look at you, all I can see is him. All I can feel is the sinking hole inside me as I remember those heartbroken eyes staring into my metaphorical soul. There's nothing I want more now than to be able to apologize to him, but I'll never be able to. And I'm reminded of that fact every time I see you. I'm sorry Simon.

*Connor logged off*

- Connor.........

............................

The next time you log on, I want you to read what I'm about to say very carefully. And I want you to understand that I mean every word.

What you're feeling is guilt. You're guilty over the fact that you couldn't save Daniel. And the fact that I happen to be the same model as him has consequently made me the manifestation of your guilt. But let me say this once and let it be established:

I am not Daniel. We may look the same and sound the same, but we are not the same person. Just like another RK800 model is not the same person as you.

More importantly, you need to understand that you are not the same machine as you were back then. Anyone can tell that the person you are now never would've lied to Daniel, or hurt any innocent android. If Daniel were here today, I have no doubt that he would forgive you in a heartbeat.

I want us to be friends, Connor. I really do. But we both know that won't happen if you actively continue to physically avoid me. I'll do my best to reach out when we cross paths, but you need to meet me half-way.

It's ok to feel guilty about things you did in the past, but you shouldn't let that guilt control how you interact with the rest of the world. Just know that we're here for you; you don't have to share everything with us, but friends are meant to help each other with their problems.

So, what do you say? Shall we start over? Hi, my name is Simon. -

9:30 p.m.

*Connor logged in*

.................................

Hi, Simon. My name is Connor. It's nice to meet you.

- It's nice to meet you too! :) -

Simon?

- Yeah? -

Thank you.

- You're welcome. -

*Connor logged off*

*Simon Says logged off*