Ashes [Jasper Hale] [2]

22 ; fare thee well

if i had wings, like noah's dove, i'd fly the river to the one i love.

☆

Tyler stayed a bit after Mike and Jo left, and the two of us watched Teen Mom. His arm was hugging me close to him, and I leaned my head against his shoulder, my eyes not focusing on the television, I wondered if just being with them would not be enough.

Was I truly cherishing my love so much I'm willing to give up this for him?

Jasper has never asked me to change, he never even said a word about my humanity bothering him- I was actually at loss as for why I was suddenly thinking of it- yet it was fairly obvious I would never be enough the way I am.

Someday I'll wilt. Someday I'll be wrinkly and withered, and Jasper Hale would look just the way he does now.  Someday he will look at me, and I will look like my grandma, and he might look at me and say, with his beautiful southern drawl, and his voice would not hold the honey it held towards me all these times; "Ashley, I do not love you as I loved you before."

But that was the better than to become... an immortal and lose him while doomed to an eternity of lonesome exile.

Being a vampire, loving a vampire, having to think about any of those things when I was so happy human-- How could I?

I raised my head from Tyler's shoulder, and he turned to look at me. "Something the matter?" he wondered, so tuned to my feelings. His nose was inches from mine, and it was never weird. His eyes searched mine, and I tried to look at his lips- his full lips that always smiled at me- if I could make my heart feel for him, how simple would it be?

How simple would it be if I kissed him, and he'd kiss back?

I moved so I was leaning an inch closer, and he didn't budge, not until I leaned even closer, and he realized my intention, moving back.

"Ash, what are you doing?"

"I--" I didn't know. "I just, I need something human," I struggled, and he ran a gentle hand over my cheeks, his touch making me realize there were tears streaming down my face. "Jasper and-- and Paul, they're so different, and it's scary, and I can't. I can't be so easily persuaded to fall in love with monsters, with vampires and werewolves! I mean, God damn it, do you really think it's normal to fall in love with a vampire, and then a werewolf, and then leave the werewolf for the vampire that left you after he almost bit your sister?! Does any of that make sense?"

Tyler's mouth was hanging open.

"Oh fuck."

::

  It was exactly week before graduation when Mr. Molina informed me I was chosen to speak at the graduation ceremony.

"What do you mean?" I wondered as we walked towards the Principal's office. "I mean, Eric is the valedictorian, isn't he?"

"He is," Mr. Molina explained, and we entered the Principal's office.

"Hi Mr. Greene," I greeted, and he nodded at me.

"Hello Ms. Swan, how's your short time in our high school's been?" he smiled charmingly, inviting the two of us to sit down.

"Well, it's been. I sure did learn a lot, about myself, about others, about my friends, about my family, and never forget Biology." I grinned, listing off the things, "I was always at the center in Phoenix, and when I came here I wasn't sure how I'd fit in, but I found my place so quickly-- I mean, Tyler Crowley and Mike Newton are such amazing friends of mine, and there's Jo, and Ty and Jo and I- we're planning on going to volunteer in Africa and--" I was blabbering by that point. I wasn't making much sense, I was just happy to conclude my experince of Forks' high school, and Mr. Greene realized that, chuckling.

"Well, Ms. Swan, I believe you should save some from it for your speech."

"Wait, is that for real?" I wondered, confused. "I thought Eric is the valedictorian," I repeated.

"He is," Mr. Greene stated. "Your speech will open the ceremony."

"Oh, fuck."

"Language, Ms. Swan."

::

"To high school and survival!" I announced, opening the beer bottle and plopping down next to Jasper. I planted a kiss on his jaw, and he took the bottle away before I had a chance to drink from it. "Hey! Give back!"

His amber eyes watched me for a moment, planting a quick kiss on my lips, before his cold disappeared from my side for a short moment, and when he returned the bottle was placed on the table.

"I was gonna drink that." I grumbled, sounding like a child that's been denied a toy.

"First of all," his voice was soft, tickling like a feather, "you're underage and your dad is the chief," he placed a kiss on my cheek, and then his lips hovered next to my ear, "second of all, as a human I enjoyed beer, but as a vampire I can say that the after-taste might even make me refrain from kissing you."

"Is that so?"

"Well, it's not true," he whispered, smiling, hand on my thigh. "But I will enjoy kissing you better if you don't drink a bottle of Stella before."

"I don't see you kissing me," I barely said, when he pulled my leg on top of his lap, pulling me closer gently. His mouth found mine quickly, and his lips pressed to mine gently. His cold hand was barely felt through the jacket, or maybe it just didn't bother me anymore. His hand trailed over my thigh, tickling lightly through my jeans. It felt like hours passed when he pulled me on top of his lap, his lips trailing away from my mouth, my lips burning.

I licked my lips, fighting against my eyelids as they attempted to close, his lips touching my neck, just barely, teasing. Suddenly, I remembered that if he wanted, he could kill me that very moment, and a moment later, I couldn't bring myself to care.

His lips weren't gentle that next kiss, or the one after, and I found myself, against my will, flustered.

"Oh, fuck," I moaned.

That was gonna leave a mark.

::

[[chapter 22: in which Ashley is basically a trainwreck]]