I'm So Exhausted

Rooms

I was put in a padded room
I was a danger to myself and others.

In that room all i could think of was you

You put me here

I clawed at the walls and raked my nails over my face

I screamed until the lights above my head exploded

You put me here

You told me i would be in the hospital for a day

Then i would come home

Two women in scrubs strapped me down to a wheelchair and carted me through heavy metal doors

I was alone.

They imprisoned for a month.

Each day they dissected my brain and plucked out my emotions.

The picked at my brain like farmers pick fruit in spring

Writing down every word I pleated
All I could hear were the scribbles.
The noise filled my head and ringed in my ears.
I put my hands on my ears and started yelling.
They wrote down:
Triggered easily. Getting worse, up dosage and keep in wheelchair.

You lied to me

You said i would be okay

You lied to me

I couldn't eat my food
I lost 2 pounds

They then preceded to shove a tube down my throat.
I could feel it tearing my esophagus.

Down

Down

Down

I lost everything left inside me when I counted two weeks since I had a phone call from you.

When i finally got a call you were crying on the other end.

"Im so sorry you turned out just like me. Its my fault"

I was 13 and you left me to wallow  in rotting mental health.

I broke the windows with my cries

I flooded the halls with my tears

My room was swept away with all the dreams i had of going outside

I dreamed about warmth against my frail skin

I could almost feel it slipping from my cold grasp

I longed to see the flowing leaves outside

You put me here

i poured my fears unto paper with a tsunami of words and paint splattered across every edge

They took my art away.

"It is too triggering and dark" they said.

You put me here

I was a tidal wave of antidepressants and a spreading fire of rage

My walls were covered in lyrics.
Lyrics to a song i could never sing because my voice couldn't carry outside these four walls.

I will never forgive you.
My life had become an entanglement of guilt and pity when i told the story of you.

I never told it again.

I
Despise
Pity.

You put me here and that is an unforgivable act

I hope you rot like my forgiveness