I'm So Exhausted

a very short summary

At age 7 I realized the world wasn't so kind

I had to fight spitballs and words and fists on my own

At age 9 I became an adult.

Dragging my parents off the living room floor and to their beds

At 10 I tried taking my life the first time

At age 11 I found a blade will do the trick in the meantime
And my showers would sting for years

At 13 I tried wasting myself away
Calculating numbers with every crumb that touched my lips

"Because a moment on the lips is forever on the hips"

14 is when my sanctuaries were uncovered,

I sat in a chair in the middle of the living room for three days unallowed to move, talk, or eat while my mother cut the sleeves and pant legs off of everything I owned.

I spent the rest of that year giving myself away to painkillers and drugs because maybe they would stick around

At 15 it was my 4th time trying to leave, but this one only ended with a concussion

When I was 16 I had my first heartbreak.
And I thought I wouldn't live past it

I protected my heart by going numb so many years ago
And at least I had feeling for a bit even if it was from losing the person who meant more to me than I did to myself.

At 17 I'm working on myself, and helping so many others. I am thriving though I have so much to learn. I'll get there. I will get there.