The Shattered// E.D G.D

Goodbye to reflections

<Lucid Dreams - Juice wrld>

It's to the point where I love and I hate you
And I cannot change you so I must replace you
Easier said than done
I thought you were the one
Listening to my heart instead of my head

<Listen before I go - Billie Eilish>

Taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks
That's what a year-long headache does to you
I'm not okay, I feel so scattered
Don't say I'm all that matters
Leave me, déjà vu

—

I COULDN'T STOP THINKING about what Mona had said. On the car ride back to my house, Mars was silent- like usual, but more so.

But as I sit on the beach, none of that mattered. Right now, I had to force myself to say goodbye. I needed to leave Ethan and move on, and I couldn't do that without saying goodbye to the Ethan I know in my lucid dreams.

The sun beamed down on me, making my whole body feel hot and more anxious. It's time to say goodbye, but frick, I don't want to.

I wanted to hold onto this figment of my imagination of Ethan for as long as I could. The guy in my dreams was the love of my life and that somehow translated to my awake self that I loved the Ethan who didn't actually process I was still in his life.

Swallowing down the thick lump in my throat, I stood up and patted off the sand off my shorts. I stretched my limbs for a second before frowning. This is it, this is the season finale to this lovely memory of the guy who wasn't real.

"Ethan!" I called out his name, pacing from the tide to a pebble by the dock. My skin was blistering from the scorching heat, but I ignored that fact for the pain staking idea that I had to see his face for one last time here, but see the devil when I'm gone.

His figure appeared from the water, droplets cascading down his body, his skin glistening in the sun and a wide smile on his lips. A model, a mouth watering model, I thought to myself.

He strides towards me were fast and quick, as if he were an excited puppy that his owner was home. I frowned, looking away and at the castle built on the hill for us that we had made together once.

I turned to face him, inhaling a sharp breath once he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Missed you," he mumbled on my skin, then pulled back, intertwining my fingers with his.

"Yeah, me too." I whispered, eyes focused on our toes. "I'm leaving," I tried to keep my voice from wavering but it broke at the last second. There was a burning in the back of my throat, begging me to release tears but I refused.

"Hmm?" He raised my face to look up at him, taking my chin in his palm. "What's that suppose to me?" He pouted like a child, rubbing his thumb against my cheek.

"I-" a tear slipped from my eyes as I screwed them shut. I didn't want to see the broken look on his face once I got the truth out. I inhaled again and took a step away; I knew I couldn't be close to him when all my thoughts were consumed and foggy with his sweet scent. "I need to get over you."