Isolated

Chapter 80

Chapter 80

Being on that stage lasted for what felt like days. Though my mental state was dwindling, I didn't show it. I stared at everyone that approached me with the blankest expression possible. However, once the ceremony wrapped up... I couldn't hold it together.

Saying I needed to take a piss, I was guided to a bathroom backstage. The second I was in the cement toilet room, I flung the door shut and collapsed back against it. My deep burn pressed into the door and hurt like a bitch, but I didn't care. Alone. I'm alone. In an instant, I slid to the floor, clamped my hands over my mouth, and sobbed into my palms.

Resting against the door, uncontrollable whimpers and sobs left the back of my throat and muffled against my hands. My wet streaming eyes clamped shut. Why did I deserve to feel like an object?! Why was in I this place? No, I didn't forget the past several months leading up to this, but why the fuck me? How long until the FBI gets here? Because my god, I can't do this, I can't do this! I can't handle this. Getting branded like cattle and shown off like an animal.... Ugh! They just stared at me and I-I-I could still see those men! Still see their observing, judging, and awe-filled eyes behind my shut and wet ones. So clear, vivid, and disgusting and degrading.

My whole life I was treated like less than a person, my whole life, and I honesty didn't fucking get it. I didn't get it, what I did, and I didn't know why! What did I do?! My mother wrecked me! My father abandoned me! What did I do to them?! Everyone in school dragged me through shit! And so many times – so many times – I had to fight just to breathe another day.

Even then, I never let my troubles crush my spirit. Yes, I lost hope in the past, but it never impacted me as a person. But there is only so much I could take. I've fought so hard, so many times... yet, here I am, swimming upstream just to feel like a human being. At what point do I say fuck everything and give in? On that stage... I was observed, appraised, assessed, disgustingly objectified. How much more would it take until I realize there is no point?

My hands shook against my parted lips and cries, my body heaving. I hated getting swallowed in emotions, but I let myself have this. Sobbing quietly, with bare legs folded under me against the cement, I let myself become consumed. I let myself be weak. Maybe that's the answer to every 'why' question – because I'm weak. I was weak. I know how pathetic and wimpy I sound, but I truly felt it.

Then, a few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. After a few more knocks and some persisting words, I was forced to wrap up my cry-baby fest. I had to be fine. There was no time to assess my mental state; I had to quickly shove away this vulnerable moment. I learned earlier they had no problem barging into bathrooms to claim me.

Forcing my tears to stop, I splashed water in my face and then sipped some from my hands. It took a few minutes to compose myself, but soon, I was back to being blank and concealed. Now... time to be placed with the other girls.

Still in just my bra and skirt, I was cuffed once again. The same two men from earlier guided me back through the bright white hallways. It was a long walk. I could tell we entered a completely different part of the organization. We weaved down and up some stairs, then passed a sign hanging from the ceiling. It said, 'Confinement Area.' Sounds peachy, don't it folks?

The white halls narrowed and were now lined with endless doors. My stomach started flopping violently, like a fish out of water. Being in the confinement area, it was easy to imagine what was behind these doors. Since Reid let his business go to hell, I could only hope there weren't too many girls trapped here.

I was waiting to be shoved through one of these doors. Instead, after several more turns, the two burly men took me to an elevator. There were three buttons: G, B, and 1. 1 was selected.