Poetry;; sugakookie

11:07

Dear Min Yoongi,

I need to not pick up my phone
I'll go straight to airplane mode
Find something to do I know
I can be a little bit cold
But my third eye is going blind
I'm unaligned with my body and mind
It's playing tricks, I say I'm fine
But really, it's hurting me deep inside

Hey, I've realized you haven't been responding to my emails lately like you used to. Maybe im just overthinking it, i mean you are an idol. But sometimes I forget you are one, to the point its quite a... problem.

Lame isn't it. I trip on air, bang my head on a couch, slip on a nonexistant banana peel, and fall face first just to see a promotional ad for shady flower company instead an email from you. And its a bit anxiety riviting, the curiousity of the reasons you're not responding making me more self conscious and questioning of my acts and words around you virtually. I just think im maybe overthinking it, and being too expectant of a worldwide famous idol to respond so instantly.

But... you've had crushes before right?  You should understand the suspenseful wait for that special someone to respond. The nail biting thoughts that flood your mind until that left text bubble appears. The assumptions about how that person and feels about you, the fear that you did something wrong.

Which brings me to todays poem,

Its from the song "Airplane Mode" Not Korean this time, but in english, but either way its really good and really relatable. You should go and listen to it, linked it up above this email! It talks about someone who is trying their hardest to be their best for their special someone and/or crush. But they can't convey their emotions properly or really give the best impression because of how awkward they can be. So as they communicate with their crush or special someone via text, they overthink their words and have so much overwhelming heaps of anxiety that they go straight to airplane mode. Fearing the responses and needing to take a breather from the exhaustion of conversation.

They want to go straight to the happy lovey dovey parts, but realize now they must overcome the awkwardness and situational anxiety to really taste the sweetness of the relationship or to really get close to their crush.

So in the song when they repeat "I've been dreaming bout' you" it depicts how much the person has been fantasizing and dreaming about a relationship or an ideal relationship they aren't willing to pursue because of the fear of embarrassment. And that just makes them feel stupid and cowardly for thinking about something so much that they can't even bring themselves to make a reality.

Its sad isn't it, unrequainted love n' all?

It sucks, but i mean eventual heartbreak and hurt is just gods way of prepping us for a healthy love life right? Its not the most ideal way, but foreign french love films have proved me otherwise so, just a small thing to think about.

Anyway!

How have you been doing? I can already sense that comeback season is near as all the teasers being dropped especially have been ripping my soul into pieces bit by bit.

You know, youlookgoodinblackhair.

It must be refreshing to have neutral hair colors now, only one can only remember your vibrant locks, your grey hair or that platinum blonde you rocked for a while.

You know, ive always wanted to dye my hair, but ive kept it my raven black all my life and I'm just afraid to bleach it of its color.

Its like painting on a blank canvas that has its still natural and fresh woven white plane. Its painful to not ruin per say, but strip something natural of its properties.

Although no hate to those who dye their hair like you, it looks pretty rad and its such a huge task to take care of colored hair so i would imagine you would have to be quite fond and committed to deal with all those special hair products and conditioners.

But i think the number one reason why i would truly be afraid is because of the people at my school. As uncool and cowardly as it sounds, i do care about how people view me and i am insecure and weary of others opinons.

I can't help it, im just like this. When i do voice this to the exclusive amount of people i know, they tell me to not care about their opinions and that their opinions dont matter.

But how can you just not care about their opinions? How can you just constantly remind yourself that their opinions don't matter?

I appreciate their advice truly, but that's some pretty sucky advice. Someone who is insecure and self conscious about themself can't just suddenly not care at hand. And sure i know their opinions dont matter and i know that they're the ones who are low in this situation for saying such comments.

But someone can't possibly remember to not let people get to them if they're sensitive enough to it. Its just inhumane.

Its just been so frusturating, lately ive felt my temper becoming hotter and hotter because im so desperate for a solution to my insecurity and self consciousness that whenever i try to get help from someone who can't give me the answer to my solution. I get angry at them, when really im getting angry at myself for being this way.

The fact i give all my friends solid advice, yet they can't give me back solid advice when it comes to my conflicts i so do rarely voice is just unfair to me of some sorts. And it just leaves me in a place where i have to constantly deal with internal conflicts on my own, knowing voicing it to my minimal amount of friends to be insufficient.

I know im being selfish in a way, and i know my insecurity is becoming the reason why i have so much anger in my heart as of now.

But i can't help it, i know people have some sort of opinion of me. And i guess that just fuels my anxiety even more, i dont know its just.. really weird.

I dont understand what sort of joy people feel for making such crude comments about someone else. We're all humans for gods sake. Just be kind to one another, we all are living in the same harsh world so why must someone make it harsher than it already is.

Being insecure sucks, and having this sort of self pity really makes you question everything and become even more bitter.

But really, i just want to become better. Become someone in the future that those who think of me in such a rude way to be wronged, and to really become someone i dont pity. But love.

Anyway...!

Think ill stop here, please continue doing well in your preparation for your comeback! Make sure you and the boys doing push yourselves too hard, i look forward to how you guys do!

And when you can read these emails and when you have time...

Think about my proposition. Ill be in anticipation!

Eat well, sleep well, and drink well! :)

- JJK

//
A/n: i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, just a small one that was messily written but i hope you guys are doing well.

Shameless promotion alert but a new story is on the horizon! I just released a book called mythology, its only got its intro so far. But please follow me on a new journey, as i hope to share a satisfactory narrative to you all who i adore dearly.

I hope you all are doing well and are easy on yourselves.

Take care, you all need to stay well or else i will crawl through this screen and scold you.

K k k kiDding thats actually pretty creepy uhhh--

I must go now, farewell!

- your passionate about self care author-nim