FORTRESS 'kailisa'

o21

Kai was asleep as I left the room quietly and headed out. I was going to see Irene. It was early in the morning, but I needed to talk to her.

I stood before the translucent door, the confidence within fading by the minute, my hand started to tremble in the slightest as I raised it and knocked on the door. It took a while, like last time, for somebody to come and open the door.

I saw Seulgi, and how surprised she was to see me. "You..."

"I need to see Irene." My voice was firm, and it almost surprised me. Seulgi looked at me for a while longer before opening the door wider and letting me step in.

She guided to Irene's office and opened it, I quietly thanked her before she closed the door behind me and I heard as her footsteps faded away into the room.

I look ahead of me but only for my eyes to widen when I see a solemn looking beauty. Her gaze was wavering and I could see how distraught Irene was.

Not waiting for her to talk, I walked to the chair before her and sat on it. Her eyes never leaving her desk.

"... It must've been hard for you." I mutter, her gaze slowly lifts up to meet mine and she leans back into her chair.

"You realise how hard it is to watch people die?" She asks softly, I could barely give her a nod of head. "It must've been a usual routine for you to dispatch people with just a click of your fingers." She murmurs.

My eyes narrow slightly. "I have no idea of what it feels like to watch people die right before your eyes, but I have a clue of how it feels." My words seemed to surprise her.

"I know it was my fault that those people died, that it is because of me that they barely have a home or a family to go back to." My eyes avert to the desk, my hands clenching onto one another. "I realise that... and I am not here to rub into your face to say that it's because of your mistake that this has happened."

"Then what are you here for?"

"I am here to apologize." My eyes raise themselves, looking into Irene's. "I am here to say sorry for those people whose lives have been taken away because of me."

She looked at me with wide eyes, her lips parted. I stood up from my seat and went onto the floor, and I heard the soft gasp that left from Irene.

"I can't apologise in behalf of Pure Seoul, that is something I would regret doing, as I am utterly ashamed of the society I grew up in. I am apologizing for myself, I am sorry that it is because of me that some beings can't live to see another day." My eyes open in sadness. "I am sorry that you people have to suffer as well."

I raise my head from the floor. "I want to be able to help you."

Irene slowly rose from her chair, making her way towards me, who was on the ground.

"I want to be able to protect the people here, so that they can live peacefully and away from all the bad Pure Seoul can bring to them." Those were my only thoughts. I wanted people to forget about worrying about Pure Seoul, to
not fear that they could be killed someday by guns and guards dressed in white, looking like angels who were ready to take them away. I don't want them to feel scared of anything.

I think of everybody I've met in Busan so far, all the smiles they gave me, all the kindness they offered me. I want to protect them from the type of people like my past self.

"So, please," I plead to Irene. "Let me help you protect these people. Let me protect them with my bare hands, and if by any means, fight for them."

She looked at me, silently. Until a smile slowly tugged her lips and she knelt down beside me. Her arms went around me and they tightly hugged me.

"... Thank you." She whispers. "Thank you so much for having such wishes."

I shook my head and also embraced her. "No, thank you, for opening my eyes."

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Arriving back at the quarters, as I was about to walk up the stairs, I look up when hearing footsteps coming down and I see Kai. His eyes were still a bit red and puffed and he was still looking tired.

Our eyes lock and his own widen before he stops at the top of the stairs. "... Where were you?" He asks softly.

I climb up to him and smile. "I went to see Irene." We start to make our way back up together. "I had something to discuss with her."

"Which was?" He asked curiously.

"I told her that," I faced his way. "I wanted to fight for the people in Busan."

I could see the surprise in his eyes. "I want to help you protect them." I breathed out, facing forward as I finally stepped onto our floor.

I walked ahead of Kai. "... Are you insane?" He questioned lowly. I was expecting that question. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

I turned to face him. "If it's to protect others, then yes, I am."

His eyes eyes widen and he hesitates to approach. "Lisa, you of all people, shouldn't get involved in this. It really is dangerous — "

"I don't expect it not to be, Kai." I say, his hands grip onto my arms and even so, I didn't back down. "This is not something I've been thinking about overnight, it's something it took some time for me to think of properly."

My hands were now grabbing into his arms. "I want to protect all of them, Kai. Even if it costs my life with it, even if I die protecting them, I will die proud and paying for my past sins of being selfish and arrogant."

He stares into my eyes and there was something within them that I couldn't identify, he shakes his head softly, hands slowly sliding down my arms and to his side.

"... You..." He starts but doesn't continue. He seemed to be debate on what to say, but in the end, he never really said anything.

He started to walk away, towards the direction of the room we shared. But I caught hold of his hand and pulling him back slightly.

"Please, say something, Kai."

He didn't look at me. "... It's dangerous." Had been the only thing he said before gently shaking my hand off and walking away.

I didn't go after him as he went into the room and closed the door behind. I could easily go after him, I wanted to go after him, a part of me somehow just wanted his approval for me to do this.

But I just stayed there, in the same place and still looking in the same direction Kai had just left to.

And I kept on wondering why — just why I didn't go after him like a part of me wanted and instead I just stood there.