FORTRESS 'kailisa'

o16

The sun was starting to set in the distance, and I just watched it taint the sky with multiple colours. I heard Kai finish stirring the soup he brought to the room, he was gently blowing on it and he touched my shoulder.

"Lisa..." He called out softly, shaking my shoulder gently. "Lisa, have some soup."

I shook my head and got further away from him, from the corner of my eye, I saw him frown at my actions.

"Lisa, you need to eat." Again, I shook my head.

"No." I whispered, raising my hands to block him. "I don't want to eat." I said, my voice hoarse from crying and throwing up.

He placed the bowl down and sighed. "You can't just not eat, you threw up the food from this morning, you need to eat." He tried to reason.

But I was too angry at myself to accept the food he was offering. "Just leave me to starve." I said, closing my eyes and hiding my face behind my hands.

"Lalisa — "

"Don't call me by that name!" I snapped suddenly, but then gripping onto my throat from the sharp pain I felt from shouting out like that.

Surprised, Kai had once again, caught hold of me, patting my back soothingly as I coughed. I still felt sick, and I knew I need to eat.

But I didn't want to, I'd much rather starve myself to death. I couldn't bring myself to accept the soup, he was still offering me food, even if for the past days, weeks and maybe month, I was nothing but arrogant, even if I came from a society that could've killed him... He is still trying to feed me, even if it were orders.

I shoved his hands away from me and a look of shock went across his features. "Don't touch me." I said that as if he was touching filth. I shook my head, this time more firmly. "Please, don't bring yourself to touch me."

"Why are you acting this way?" He asked in confusion, crouching to meet my eyes but I kept turning away. "Why? Lisa?"

I bit my lips and clenched my eyes shut. "Why are still taking care of me? You could've killed me by now!" I exclaimed.

"What kind of person do you think I am?" He misunderstood my question, I shook my head and my hands went up to my hair.

"I'm somebody you should hate! I'm no different from the Rifes!" Finally, I opened my eyes looked up into his own dark ones that held nothing but questions out of confusion. "Because of me, many people died and I didn't know! I've done so many bad things without knowing what I was doing, I might've killed people!"

I felt myself start to cry again, I started to feel the pain in my throat again. "I am a monster!" I cry. "You should hate me, I've done so many horrible things — just kill me!"

I gasped when having Kai grab hold of my arms and make me face him, his eyes staring furiously into my own and he shook me once.

"Stop talking nonsense." He said firmly.

I shook my head, before I could avert my head from him again, he caught hold hold my cheek and held my head in place.

"You need to snap out of it." He says. "I am not killing you."

"But you shou — "

"But I shouldn't!" His voice roared and I flinched from how strong it sounded. "Do you have any idea of what you're saying? You're not a part of their plans, you're not a monster like they are — you're nothing like them!"

I inhaled sharply. "So, don't say you want to die." His voice despite being angry, I could still take notice of the hints of sadness in it.

He sat back down on the bed, elbows onto his knees as he looked down. "You're not like them, not a thing..." The lasts words came out in barely a murmur. "I can tell, Lisa, you're definitely not like any one of them."

He looks up and I saw the sadness in his eyes, he went to grab the bowl of soup and placed it into my hands which were trembling in the slightest.

"So, please..." He quietly pleaded. "Eat."

I looked at him for a while longer, seeing the genuine worry in his eyes. I swallowed the down the rotten stubbornness and pride before looking down at the soup, my hand reached for the spoon that was already in it and brought it to my lips.

My lips parted, allowing the spoon to go in and I felt the warm liquid go down my throat and its flavor making my taste buds flourish from how good it tasted.

My entire body started to become warm the more I ate, slowly, I started to feel much better.

I handed the bowl back to Kai when I was done eating and quietly thanked him. He placed it on his desk and walked back to the bed and sat on the edge of it, silently looking at me and I was just staring into nothingness.

Right then, I heard him sigh before he tried to say something.

"Do you know why I can tell you're different from the Rifes?" He asked quietly.

I hesitated to shake my head, he looked away for a moment before looking back to me.

"You said you might've killed people, you said you didn't know you were doing bad things, you said you didn't know many people died." I felt like shrinking again. I felt him place his hand on the top of my head. "You didn't know what you were doing, you did that because those were the things you were taught to do."

"You grew up learning to where you were a month ago that things like that those were appropriate things to do, that what you were doing was rightful." I looked up to see him smiling bitterly. "That's the type of society that Pure Seoul is — Merciless and they only think of status." His hand was now at the back of my neck and I didn't mind it. "But you, Lisa — If you were arrogant like they were, you wouldn't have realised your own mistakes, you wouldn't have been friendly with most people here."

"I think you were just scared of the person of your past, I just think you're ashamed of your past and that's alright." He admits softly. "There are people out there who do much worse, who've sinned much more than you think you did, who did worse than you." I felt a bit surprised when he suddenly — yet gently — put his arms around me.

I felt like crying again. "So, it's alright, Lisa. It's alright to feel this way." He whispers and my eyes widen. "That means you feel something for people like us, that means you realise we are all the same and we have no differences."

Hesitantly, my arms went around him. Nobody has ever hugged me so gently asides from Chaeyoung, it did feel nice for a change. My heart had its strings being tugged and it hurt a little, but I didn't mind.

My eyes closed. I have Kai's words engraved in my mind.

"So, it's alright, Lisa. It's alright to feel this way."

"That means you feel something for people like us, that means you realise we are all the same and we have no differences."

"I think you were just scared of the person of your past, I just think you're ashamed of your past and that's alright."

Before I realised, I was already hugging him rather tightly. And he was doing the same.