Untouchable

Who Are You When I'm Not Looking

A/N:It's a shitty chapter with next to no editing... I'm sorry. But if you listen to this song, you can feel all the feels I tried to make you feel in this chapter :S

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I sifted through the box items, tears streaming down my face.

After Taylor's death, Abigail and Matt had come over and stowed most of her belongings. I was there too, just maybe not with my mind. I had sat and sulked while they lifted things up, saying yes or no to packing it up. It was hard, and I felt horrible for Abigail, having to go through all of her best friends items, and having me with my sour attitude.

I let Abigail take most of her clothes, but I kept a select few that were important to me. For example, her scarf, her wedding dress. I donated her costumes from her tours and what not to her museum.

I stored her guitars away, but her piano stayed where it was for there was no room in the attic for it.

Going through the miscellaneous items proved the hardest; but now here I sat, with most of it stored in this box.

There were many things in here. Pictures of us, her; never to be finished songs. There was a big scrap book full of pictures and little diary entries.

At this moment I was reading one that pulled all my regrets to the surface, and made me feel worse about myself. Lets not forget the bottle of alcohol I had nestled in my arm.

So. I have news. Something I've wanted to hear all my life - I'm pregnant!

I'm completely overjoyed. In the ten hours I've known, I haven't stopped crying. Josh doesn't know yet. I'll surprise him when he returns from touring. I'm not too sure what he will think of this. I mean, he agreed with my constant begging, but I think it was only to shut me up. Oops. Haha.

He doesn't know it, and he probably never will, but he's going to be a great dad. I've seen the way he treats his nieces . . . yeah; he's definately the perfect sutor. If its a girl, I know he's going to be super protective over her. She going to be daddy's little girl, and he's going to sacrifice everything just to make his princess happy and loved.

If its a boy however . . . oh boy. I know he's going to act towards him like he does with his band - I mean that in the best way possible . . . of course, minus the sexual comments, at least until he's older. He going to treat that little boy like he does his guitars. He'll be his pride and joy.

I am beyond excited to take on this adventure. No. This adventure started in a little café called Prado. This is just another page to our never ending fairy tale. I will do everything it takes to make sure this child is loved. I will take it to the park and push it on the swings. I'll go swimming with it at the wave pool. I'll do her hair, I'll buy his clothes. I'll talk boy trouble - will make sure Josh beats up the boy who breaks her heart. And Abigail and I will for sure give the girl who steals his heart and shatters it, a little, well for legal purposes we'll say talk.

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. It'll be a never ending adventure with me, Josh, and the baby that's currently growing inside me. I can't wait to see what the future has in store. Who knew my life would ever end up this perfect.

And it wasn't perfect. Not anymore. A selfish bastard was "raising" that baby. Taylor was stolen and beaten. She made a mistake falling in love with me - I made the mistake of living.

Unfortunately, the box didn't end there. I pulled out a dusty DVD case, and brushed it off. Our wedding tape. Probably the most painful thing out there.

I don't know why I was doing this. Maybe I thought that if I felt enough pain, I would just die, and it wouldn't be my fault; but this was all my fault. All of it. Every moment, every minute, every day!