[Sequel to The Merciless Black List Of Highland High]
Secrets and lies.
The very flesh and bone of the infamous Shameless Foursome guys.
Collin Adamms, the supposed creator of The Shameless Virginity Games, knows what it's like to make mistakes t...
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5|
trapped in a loop
Silence can have many faces. That much I've gathered up throughout the last few years.
Mom's silence, after Dad died was palpable, yet it felt like being cut up from within.
Bishop's silence, during the last few weeks of going back and forth between pointless bickering and serious, unsolved issues, felt like a piece of coal, tiny, but burning a gaping hole through my skin all the same.
The silence that is expanding inside Rose's truck right now doesn't feel like either of those. It feels like both of them, but somehow, intensified. Cutting its way through my flesh and brain tissue, making it impossible to stop the tears of shame from bursting out.
I know that there are far more, far bigger, issues than a boy you finally admitted your feelings for, even if it was only to yourself, forgetting your existence altogether, but of all the losses I've experienced, this one has to be the most painful. Not that much in its capacity, but in the principle, because unlike my mother, my sister, or even Bishop, Collin didn't choose this. Not downrightly at least.
He has made many mistakes, has done many mis-steps, most of them ones I can not comprehend to understand, but so have I.
Though now, his mistakes have brought much greater consequences than any of us could have imagined.
"I'm sorry," is the first thing that Timothy dares to say after how much time, I don't know. His voice is quiet, getting lost in the space separating us, and for a moment, I think I might have just fantasized it.
Maybe there's no one in the car with me. Maybe, I'm trapped here with nothing else but the torturous thoughts my mind keeps providing.
But if this is real, then I really don't know what kind of response should I give him. He's apologizing for something he has no power of changing. He's apologizing for something that he could have had prevented, if only he didn't keep the fact that Collin is an addict, a junkie, for himself. If they all didn't keep it for their little, privileged golden group only.
As before, I know I'm not allowed to judge. But I'm allowed to be mad. And I am mad, at so many people, at so many things, at myself the most.
Once upon a time, Timothy Brenton was one of the last people I wanted to show my weaknesses to. But time changes things, and right now, I couldn't care less if he sees me cry my eyes out or not.
"I'm really sorry, Aspen," he repeats once more, this time a little louder. Probably to make sure I hear him properly. I do. But that doesn't change the fact I don't feel like talking. At all.
The words are stuck at the back of my throat, and perhaps, if I tried to force them out, I would end up getting out much more than just that. Vomiting in Rose's truck is not something I desire to have a credit for.
