Harry's POV
-----------------
"Harry!" Louis shouted, pounding on my bedroom door.
"Go away!" I snapped. I had been telling him the same thing since he started to try and come in my room which was DAYS ago.
"I have to tell you something, though."
"Well, chances are I don't want to hear it." I grumbled, pulling a pillow over my head to try and block out his incessant pleas for me to reason. I just wanted to be left alone. Could no one respect that? There was no reason to worry about me. It's not like I was trying to kill myself, locked away in my room. I just wanted to be alone.
"Harry, it's super important!!"
"I don't give a damn, Louis! I don't care if there a meteor about to crash into the Earth. I don't care if it's about Charlotte. I! Don't! Care!" It wasn't true. If it was about Charlotte, I wanted to hear it, but I still wasn't going to let him come into my room and try to talk to me. I wanted to be alone. Forever, if I had to. Besides, I should probably start trying to forget Charlotte. I'm never going back. If I go back, she'll die. I don't know how but she will. And that's not worth it. I don't care if it breaks her heart. It's better than taking her life. I was just keeping her safe.
"Ok... maybe later." Louis said, stalking away as usual. "Actually," he started, barging into my room, nearly knocking the door straight off of it's hinges. I shot a death glare at him but he ignored it, completely stunned that he had actually come in against my orders. "I have a serious question..." I looked up, acknowledging him. "Are you doing drugs?" I cocked an eyebrow, surprised by his sudden outburst.
"What? No. Why would you ask a stupid question like that?" Obviously he thinks that I've completely lost my mind. He'd seen me smoke weed, but who did he think I was? Did he honestly think that I was shooting heroine?
"I just saw a bottle of pills on the counter top and-"
"Those are Advil, Louis. I had a bad headache." I grumbled. That was the partial truth. They were Advil and I did have a headache just a little over an hour ago. The whole truth was that I had taken more than I should. It wasn't because I wanted to feel wasted. I wasn't sure exactly how many I had taken. I just poured some pills into my hand and hoped for the best. If it were the proper dosage, great. If it was quite a few more than that, great. It didn't really matter anyway. It wouldn't make a difference. I stuffed my face into my pillow. Except, it wasn't my pillow. It was a hotel room pillow and I had to say- I didn't love it. I wanted to be back in my home, preferably with Charlotte, using my own pillow or using her as a pillow. I thought of the way I had laid my head in her lap and decided that that would be the most preferable choice. That's probably where I'm the happiest. But it doesn't matter. It'll never happen again and that's fine. That's even better, actually.
"Ok, ok. Sorry for asking then." He said. I picked up my lighter, igniting the flame and held it under my palm, even smirking a little. It didn't burn as badly as I figured it would which I'm not sure is disappointing or uplifting. Louis was quick to smack it away from me. The lighter hit the ground with a thud and I turned to glare at Louis. "Why would you-" he started yelling, but I cut him off.
"You could have started a fire!" I snapped, ushering him out of the room, pretending as though I hadn't seen his red eyes. I slammed the door behind him and locked it. He wouldn't come back in here again, if it killed me. He'd get over it a lot faster than I would, anyway. I lit a cigarette and lifted a picture of Charlotte off of the nightstand. I looked closely at it and remembered the moment when it was taken. When and where. The aquarium. October fourteenth, because it had been her birthday. She loves to watch the fish. Fish to Charlotte are like fireworks to a little kid. I loved watching her face light up as she watched them. I sighed and tried not to let the dull ache of missing her come over me. I was going to have to learn to live with it eventually. Might as well get some sort of head start. I've got to do it, whether I like it or not. I grimaced and threw the picture across the room. The glass of the frame shattered against the wall and I smirked. I panicked a little when I realized it had dented the wall. But it didn't matter. I could just pay for the repairs later... I glanced at a stack of books in the corner of the hotel room and shuttered. I knew that I shouldn't have them. I didn't need any more memories. But I couldn't get rid of them. I never read them, anyway. I haven't felt like reading since I left. They just sit on the floor and collect dust now. I didn't like having them there, either. A few of them, I had borrowed from her. I should probably go about getting rid of them somehow. Maybe I'd burn them, i entertained, while turning the lighter over in my hand countless times.
I felt as though I should apologize to Louis. In fact, I knew that I needed to. "I'm sorry." I mumbled even though Louis was no longer anywhere near me. "IM SORRY!" I screamed. He didn't reply but there was no way that he hadn't heard me. At least he knew that I was truly sorry. Well, if he believed me and I hoped that he did. I really was sorry. For everything. I was sorry that he even had to be here with me right now. He didn't have to be, actually... I didn't force him to. He was here because he wanted to make sure that I was ok. I didn't like to admit that to myself, though. It was better to pretend that I had forced him to come here with me. It made it sound more like I knew what I was doing.
I tried to put myself in Louis' shoes. I felt horrible for doing this to him. I wasn't being fair and I knew that I shouldn't do this to my best friend. He'd always been there for me and now while he's here for me, I'm treating him like absolute garbage. I just want to be left alone for once. I let him help every other time. I wish it wouldn't bother him so much. It never had before... It wouldn't bother me so much if it were me. But it's not. It's Louis. And he's always cared more about everything than I ever had.
I grimaced and glanced at my phone, knowing that I shouldn't. Thirty-two missed calls from Charlotte. She had called every day until a few weeks ago. She stopped calling at all. I hoped she wasn't forgetting me. Or she was mad. Or she just didn't give a shit anymore. Maybe it would be better if she left for good anyway. I sure as hell didn't need her and she didn't need me either. I was better without her and she was better without me. I had never needed anyone before in my life. Not even my mother. And I definitely don't need Charlotte. She's just some random girl. I'd get over it. I'd never gotten hung up on a girl for more than a day or two anyway. This was going to be the end. I grabbed a bottle of vodka that I now kept next to my bed. I want to burn her name out of my throat. I knew that it was a bad habit and Charlotte would scold me for it- even more than smoking. I didn't need her. I was glad that she was far, far away from me. I hated her. And I'd be more than happy if she hated me too.
---------------------------
Author's note:
This is a filler chapter because I'm really trying to make time pass. Again, this was written on my phone, so that's why it may have pretty major (or minor) grammatical errors. I'm on my way home from the beach now and will have my laptop back soon.
Thank you so much for reading! 1.1k is freaking crazy. I never believed that I would have so many reads on this. Thank you so much!
Lots of love!
~Peyt xx
