Shattered

T

I missed y'all. I'm back for now, and here is another update.

Vote. Comment. I'm hoping you'd share this story to your mutuals too. Please really vote and comment it's a big help since my story only have a few (dont me a ghost) but still thanks.

Love y'all xx

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I don't know where I was, the room was unfamiliar, my head was starting to hurt but it didn't hurt more than my heart did. Why is my heart hurting so early in the morning?

I sat up, then I realized where I was. I was in his hotel room. Memories from last night came rushing back and I couldn't help but smile and hurt at the same time. Barrowed moments, it was always barrowed moments with him and I guess I should get used to it if I'm gonna stick around.

"Harry?" I called out eventhough I know that I was alone. My eyes searched the room, and it landed on the edge of the bed, there was a boquoet of my favorite flowers, and a note beside the tray of breakfast. I reached for the tray and the flowers and settled it beside me and took the note.

Outside of the neatly folded paper he wrote.

Good Morning love, Breakfast and flowers for my gorgeous lady. ;)

I smiled.

And inside he wrote:

I'm sorry that I have to go. I enjoyed last night my love, I've never had that much fun since forever. I know you hated being left alone and I made sure you are not alone you just need to look for her somewhere in there. I swear you'll love her.

There will be a day where we'd never have to leave the other in the hotel room. I will see you soon love.

H.

Ps. Your security are waiting for you at the back exit.
Pps. Take care of Natasha.
Ppps. I love you

There will be a day where I will wake up to him beside me. Where he'll never have to get up and leave. There will be a day where I'd wake up and he'd be here.

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The cat on my lap was purring happily. She enjoys staying close to me more than mere and dibbles did. Mere definitely didn't and would never enjoy being near me. I think that cat hates me. Oh well.

I've never heard from him since that night in New York, since the last time he showed up on my door, took me to his hotel before leaving the next morning and it's been what? A year? Yeah almost 1 year since that. Many things have happened in my life and I'm sure in his too. A year could change a lot about a person but even so I'm hopeful that even when he does change a lot he would never change his mind and throw away all the promises he made.

God knows how much I'm dying to have a few barrowed moments with him again. I dont care how long it could be One week, 24 hours, 1 hour, 1 minute, or just a second would not matter as long as I get to be with him. Not hearing from him was inevitable, I saw it coming and maybe I wasn't ready enough. For Goodness sake I wasn't told he'd be this cold.

I remembered the night he showed up in my apartment he was so conflicted and guilty. He wasn't sure what to feel, but then the morning came and I guess the night we spent made him realize that he shouldn't be feeling like that because the night after he left he was papped arriving in France, where she was. And believe me, I've been there, I knew how he was feeling like he was cheating, I know that he was restraining himself from feeling things because it's not right, and mostly I know how it feels like to leave in the morning and never contact him until it doesn't feel wrong anymore and the next thing we know is that we're meeting up and he'd always love that, he wouldn't feel bad about me or so I think; It was slowly killing him. I guess this is what he always feels like when I was the one always in a relationship. I feel like every wrong thing that I've done to him was coming back to me.

The Tabloids were all over them. They're always seen out and about these days and he was Happy. He's always happy with her, the smile plastered on his face in every picture taken of them was genuine. It was the only thing I ever want to see on his face although it felt like daggers on my heart everytime, knowing I wasn't the reason behind that smile..

Seeing his face was like staring straight into a lighthouse, and it was guiding me back to him everytime no matter how bad I want to just stray away and leave him alone. My heart always finds it's way back. He pulls be back without him knowing it.

It was 2am, but I was still sitting in the cold kitchen floor, chugging on a bottle of wine with my cats in the dark.  I feel so hollow, empty.

My heart was bursting with emptiness, more empty than how my house have been this past month.

And it was because I could not accept that he was inlove with someone else. Someone much better, someone who doesn't care about what others will say. Someone who loves Harry unconditionally and who'll always got his back. Someone who was treating him right, loving and supporting hum no matter what. She never once did turn his love down, and I did, countless of times. I knew we're inlove but I gave that up.

And I am so afraid that he'd realize I'm no better compared to her. That he'd realize I wasn't the one. And I'm dreading for that day to come.

Everything was possible and I'm stuck with fear. It's ridiculous that the tables have turned, I'm the one wanting him back now when I'm not even sure if he'd like that too. I would do everything on this side of the milky way to know why the hell he's drifting away.

What if he get's over me? And I don't?

What if I never get over him?

What if I continue to wake up every single day for the rest of my fucking life wanting him so bad that my heart continues to ache? What if I continue to see his face on strangers and continue to look for him in the crowd and never see him? What if I keep longing for him?

What if I keep waiting for the day he'll comeback eventhough it will never happen?

What if he's the one but I wasn't?

And just incase that was true enough, I want him to send me that wedding invite. No matter what.