Shattered

Rain

Rainy afternoon in London. The weather never seems to cooperate with my plans whenever I'm home which is only rare. This is our last day at home, after the function me and Camille will be flying back to where we left touring.

She's asleep. Head on my chest, her breathing and the rain drops from outside was the only sound filling my ear. It was all peaceful, even I was at peace and I never expected to feel like this because of her. If you told me 3 months ago that I'd be feeling like this because of her I would have given you the finger.

The function was the only reason why we are here, I have to attend and it was a great reason to go home and escape for a little while. I don't even know why they made me a special guest at the function, and mostly I don't know who'll be there except for Ed. The lad would always receive an invite for things such as this one.

The public thing as ussual isn't going well forcing me and Camille to have a break on social media because of the hate. She receives most of them and I'm not happy about it. I almost sent out a statement regarding the issue that could have been another very big issue if she didn't talk me out of it. The fans are still acting immature saying things that are mean and untrue and finding things they could use against Camille and ruin my girlfriends reputation. But if they only knew who she is and how much shes helped and loved me at times that it was so hard they'd regret everything they were saying. All I know this time is that I'd never give up on us just like how she never gave up on me.

But even if she doesn't say anything about the hate she receives I know she's upset about it and I know that she's still reading the hateful comments. She's just been holding back, not wanting me to worry and not wanting to add up to our situation. That's why I'm doing everything to make her happy and forget the awful things they say to her. But incase it gets to her I'll steady her hands everytime she loses her grip.

I looked around my darkened room because of the curtains still shut and the weather outside and I saw a photograph peaking under my bedside lamp. I reached for it and saw it was a polaroid, of us, of me and Taylor.

I was surprised to see this one out, I thought I have put everything away in the box on my bottom drawer. This was our last one, taken in 2016, just a few days after her and Calvin's break up. She still even had the date where we took it written under the polaroid. She was kissing my cheek, as we both laid under the covers naked. The night she told me she was afraid but she never told me the reason why.

'Always' was scribbled with her handwriting in the back of the polaroid. 

Seeing the polaroid only made me somehow feel a familiar but strange feeling. Looking at this only brought my heart and mind into a frenzy. There was nothing peaceful about this moment for me now, It's kind of annoying and funny how something like a simple polaroid of us makes me out of my mind.

She started to wake up and I was fast to hide the photograph under my pillow and put on a fake smile, because I couldn't even bring myself to smile after seeing such thing that reminded me of her. Looks like this awakened weelings will never go away anytime sooner.

Hours Passed and we are now at the venue, I wore a simple all black suit for tonights ocassion since I wanted to match her outfit. A beautiful pure black backless gown with a low v cut infront that had all her curves right. She looked stunning and sexy.

She pretty much stood out inside the function hall, I had my arm on her waist all the time to avoid anyone going near while we walked around and greeted some people while the event haven't started yet. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, she is absolutely beautiful but I couldn't keep my mind from wandering into someone else too.

"You alright?" She asked when she noticed that I've been staring into blank space.

"Huh? Yeah I am. Do you like something to drink?" I asked as I pulled a chair for her to sit down.