Shattered

New York City

I never realized how beautiful New York is until now that I'm holding a gorgeous girl's hand while running in the busy streets of it. I never thought this night could even be real.

We're making people's head turn, getting too much attention for two people who doesn't want to be seen but I couldn't care less. We kept our pace until we got out of the always busy streets of NYC and got into a quiet alley where a few cafè and conviniet stores were aligned.

It was desserted. Taylor and I were the only ones wandering in the streets. No one dared to talk, both afraid to end this too magical of a dream if it ever was. It feels like we are Allie and Noah strolling on the streets.

"I've never really been out anywhere until now." She spoke breaking the silence.

"Yeah? You had loads of time to enjoy though love." She shrugged.

"That's right but you know I barely see my friends and some of them are quite upset at me and I'd never want to go anywhere else if I'm not going to have fun. You know me Styles, I'd stay boring if it isn't going to be fun at all." She winked and I laughed.

"Wouldn't it be fun with him?" I pushed and she looked at me before spinning around in the middle of the deserted street like a ballerina that doesn't know ballet. God, she's amazing.

"It would have. But I guess things changed when I made a few realizations." She answered  taking my hand and she spun while Holding it and I just watched her.

"Come on, dance granny Styles. You're no fun." She scoffed.

And there we are dancing freely in the middle of a desserted street, but i know a few cars still pass by here but looks like they have to find another way around because by the way it seems Taylor wouldn't let anyone to pass here. Not when we are dancing without anyone wanting to take a piece of us, with our hands clasped together instead of tied behind our backs.

"You're not so bad Styles." She teased and I carried her bridal style and run around, the not so quiet alley anymore because of her precious laugh and giggles that I'd trade everything to hear everyday.

"Yeah?" I asked before settling her down.

"Yeah." Her lips touched mine and her arms snaked around my neck.
It was so right.

My head went blank. All I could think about was her and me kissing in the street. But then Camille appeared in my thoughts and I abruptly ended the kiss. And now an overwhelming amount of guilt is building in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't feel anything else. Maybe except that my heart was literally pounding against my chest, it was almost bursting.

My forehead was against hers, my hands cupping her cheeks while both of us were waiting for our breathing to calm. She knows what's happening in my head.

"No apologies Styles" She said kissing my cheek before running away.

She's always running away from me but I still love the chase. We continued walking with no destination in our minds. We just want to wander as far as possible until we couldn't walk anymore.

We reached times square and many people were still passing by, some drunk, while some sleepy and some just wanting to get home after a long day at work. We kept our heads low, carefull not to get any attention this time. We got into an empty bus not knowing where it's headed.

We continued dancing inside the bus, we couldn't stop laughing from each others dance moves. We are basically a showing off the most ridiculous dance moves we could possibly think of and the driver doesn't seem to mind at all. It was like we are the only people in the world at the moment. We got off infront of a coffee shop and decided to stop by and let time pass us.

"Where are we?" I asked her

"No idea." She sipped on her coffee.

We were the only constumers inside the coffee shop owned by a middle aged woman who seems pretty nice. The cafe has a very vintage vibe that we love and it was very warm inside.

"I think we're on the other side of New York." I sighed happily.

I've never felt this normal for a long time, it was always Harry Styles the singer or Harry Styles from One Direction it's never been just Harry. But with her, now I'm just Harry, having late night coffee with the love of his life in a coffee shop located somewhere in the other side of New York.

"You think we would have made it if I said yes when eveything was going our way?" She blurted out, after putting her coffee down.

"Maybe, maybe not. We could only guess." I answered nonchalantly.

"How are you with her Haz?"

"Okay. We're okay. Maybe more than okay but I think you wouldn't want to hear it." I laughed a little.

I wasn't planning to tell her because I know it's not right but her eyes were prying. I couldn't resist it. I sighed.

"It feels great getting off of stage every night and she's there waiting for me and when I wake up she's the first person I get to see and I feel like I'm the luckiest man ever alive. You know despite all the hate, she still choose to stick with me even though she could have it easier and better. She's very special, I guess."

I shrugged. I was afraid to look at her because I don't wanna see her reaction to what i just said.

"You love her Haz. Come on, she's not just special. I'm glad that after everything I caused you, you get to find someone like her. She's a great woman, I guess. And she makes you happy. That's all I've ever asked for. To see you happy." She smiled a bitter smile and rested her head on my shoulder. I couldn't pin point what she's feeling with her reaction.

"And I hope she doesn't mind me barrowing you for just tonight." She yawned.

"Come on we need to get back love. The sun will be rising in an hour, and we both don't know where we are." I stood up gave her a piggy back ride.

I retraced our step earlier and the area was familliar. My hotel is just around this block, I think that would be the best thing to do.

"Would it be fine if we stay at my hotel Tay?" I asked and got no answer. She fell asleep, face nuzzled on the crook of my neck.
I walked in straight to the elevator and punched the top floor nit giving a single fuck to everyone in the lobby.

I laid her on my bed and removed her jacket, shoes and glasses before I joined her and pulled her as close to me as possible. She was calm, but I know that I just broke her heart by saying all of that earlier. I was insensitive, I knew I shouldn't. But if she only knew mere words wouldn't enough to explain how I feel for her and I wish I could tell her.

If this night was just a dream then I don't ever want to wake up. This is too good to be real and it's breaking my heart so much to be real.

I'm in the point of my life where I love Taylor so much I'd leave my career for her in a heart beat but would not choose her over Camille anytime sooner and that just doesn't make sense and believe me when I say that I know it's fucked up.

But right now, It's breaking my heart to know that What happens in New York has to stay in New York for now.