Shattered

A night

Weeks passed since that night and it feels like nothing changed. I can still feel every ounce of pain in my entire being. It's like I'm a broken glass walking in the surface of the earth but to be honest broken is a complete understatement.

Things got more awful for me that I am in the same event as her although she cancelled her performance she still attended and I'll be seeing her a lot more. I didn't even know why I agreed to this performance in VSFS back in July, oh right I agreed because of her because I want to near her again and now I don't even wanna do it.

This will be the first time we'll see each other again and I'm feeling uncertain. I adjusted my suit and continued attached my earpiece on my ear getting ready to hit the stage with the ladie.

I'm most certain she would be on the very front maybe with her 'the one' whispering things on each others ear or maybe just being cozy while I break there on the stage without anyone knowing.

The stage manager gave me my cue and I stepped on the run way as my song played. I need to get my shit together and get through thus even if she's there with him.

I started to perform, and the ladies started walking the run way. How I wish Camille is here but she have prior commitments and will not be able to he here.

As I reached the end of the run way and Taylor came into view. she was sitting with a girl I haven't seen before and Todrick beside her. Hmm she didn't bring him? I guess the phonecall somehow made her sensitive enough.

I faked a smile throughout my performance. Her eyes were focused on me, and that made my shattered heart pound hard on my chest and my stomach turn to a zoo. Damn her and my feelings for her.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

The show was a blast and I think the after party is currently going on in the function hall down the first floor of this hotel. While I, still on my whole black outfit, sitting with a guitar on my lap in the hotels rooftop. I needed to escape, I don't want to be there where she was, especially after I bumped in with her and her trying to talk to me byt before she could say anything or even mutter a sorry I turned my back and walked out the party and took my guitar with me here.

The city is glowing with lights, and the cold breeze hitting my face, no stars were showing and it looks like raining tonight as if the heavens was reflecting how I feel inside.

I kept strumming different chords on my guitar until a certain song came to my mind and I started strumming the songs melodies and sang along.

Put on my pj's and hop into bed

I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead

I try and tell myself that it'll be alright

I just shouldn't think anymore tonight, cause

I felt every word on the song, as if I wrote it for her. If only she can hear me maybe she'll realize that she's meant for me.

Dreams last for so long

Even after you're gone

I know that you love me

And soon you will see

You were meant for me and I was meant for you.

I settled my guitar down and stared blankly into the vast open sky. Praying to the heavens for the answers to the questions I've been meaning to ask her. Maybe the heavens have better explanations than just sorry's and firgive me