Shattered

T

It was a stormy night in london when Joe and I left for the function he was invited to. I watched as the droplets of water slide down the car window as we drove to the venue.

I couldn't help but to relate what I'm feeling to the bad weather. The drive didn't take long. Flashes welcomed us when we stepped out of the car, I can tell that many other celebrities are here because of the number of paps waiting under the rainy weather.

The event haven't started yet, and the first thing I spotted as we walked in was my ginger friend and he wasn't alone, beside him was the man I've been dreading to see.

My eyes never left the both of them while Joe and I talked to people I just met. They stayed at the bar for a bit and by the time they left, me and Joe were already sitted just behind their table. How did I know? Cherry, Ed's girlfriend. She was with her too, I confirmed that when I saw the both of them.

He looks someone else tonight, there is a familiar glint in his eyes, He was so familiar but so different at the same time. His eyes reflect something I don't quite understand, he's no doubt happy but something was messing with his heart and mind. Ed and Harry walked past us, Ed noticed us and gave me a light pat on the shoulder but he kept walking and when he sat down beside her, my heart brokenas he laced their fingers together, and his smile, the smile that me, only me can bring out of him. I guess not anymore.

I looked away and instead of watching the two of them be sweet I turned my attention to the man beside me, the man I was once so sure of and we engaged into a conversation and he managed to bring my thoughts to somewhere but this place.

But our conversation was forced to a stop when i heard a name being called up on stage. His name was reapeated multiple times and once again upon hearing his name my heart and mind got chaotic.

I watched him as he stood up and kissed his girlfriend's cheek, I closed my eyes as he leaned down, and opened it just to see him smiling and shaking hands with everyone up on stage. I was searching his eyes but never once did
it landed on mine.

He looked so handsome with that furious look on his face. The all black suit and his boots with a dragon design at each side, his curls growing longer again were a mess but it looked good. He absolutely is a mansion with a view. He's a man now, I can't believe he was just an 18 year old reckless boy before and I've watched him grow into this man, the man I've always dreamed of.

He started a short speech saying he wasn't prepared and was about to do a cover of a certain song. I only realized what song he was about to sing when I heard him strum the first few chords of the song.

Daggers, the way he sang the song felt like a thousand of daggers piercing my heart. His eyes held anger and hurt and if he only knew I felt everything like he did just the same, but he I couldn't tell him, not when I don't want to admit it to myself.

As he started the second verse his eyes wandered everywhere as if looking for someone and my heartbeat raced in the hopes of maybe he was looking for me but I was wrong, all my hope vanished that he wanted to see me too when his green tired and sad eyes landed on the girl infront of us, from tired and sad the emotion his eyes are conveying changed to joy, and I couldn't deny it, love for the girl who I'm sure is slowly fixing Harry after the damage I caused. It hurts like hell, it fucking does. It's kind of ironic how 4 months ago Harry was the one feeling like this and now it's me and all I'm left to do is that, how selfish it may sound, still feel the same way towards him.

Seeing him smile along with his eyes made me happy in some sort of way deep down. You know sometimes it's nice to pretend that he was looking at me and I'm the reason behind his smile, but then in time reality sets in that It's not me anymore it hits me like a truck. My tears were threatening to fall but before they could his eyes finally met mine as the second verse came in, he didn't broke the eye contact til he closed his eyes.

I'm fighting back the tears from flowing down but what I can't fight back is my heart from falling apart. There was something about him, he seemed confused and inlove? I couldn't be wrong, there was love in his eyes everytime he looks at her, I know because he used too look at me like that and maybe thats just that he used to.

They applauded his performance and I couldn't bring myself to clap for him, not after he stomped on my heart. I couldn't blame him, he has all the rights and maybe I deserve it too fro acting like a selfish brat.

The night was just starting and my heart already fell into thousand little pieces, how many more times does that have to happen tonight? A couple speeches, and public figures being called up on stage later, the night flew by rather painful and slow. I can tell that Ed was just eagerly waiting for the after party, which I think is about to start, as he walked all over the place with Chery. He was showing his girl off and meeting new people, making connections.

On the table infront of us was a rather heartbreaking view, Harry had his hand wrapped all over her while they chatted, laughed, and took pictures that I'm sure will be up on her IG account in no time considering how Harry and her were going so public. He placed his tuxedo jacket on her shoulders when he noticed she was shivering due to the freezing weather of London, when I couldn't take it anymore I excused myself and went to the restroom.

I looked myself in the mirror and saw how shattered I was, I wasn't like this a couple months ago, I was very certain about how my future would turn up and I was so sure about Joe, I wanted him to be the one and now everything is all mixed up I'm not even sure about anything or anyone anymore. One minute I was so happy, I had the perfect life before Harry sent out that text message that made everything in my established world crumble once again. It's cruel how that text message changed everything.

Giving in to the tears seemed to be the easiest thing to do right now, but I held it back even longer when someone entered the restroom. I pretended that I was reapplying my lipstick to avoid any conversations. I focused until the woman who entered greeted me.

"Hey," my mouth was left hanging open when I saw who it was.

"Hi." I faked a smile.

"I'm Camille Rowe," she held up her hand and I shook it because I wouldn't want to be rude.

"I'm Tay-"

"Yeah You're Taylor Swift." She giggled like a fangirl. "I'm a huge fan, It's nice to have finally meet you." She smiled genuinely. I smiled back, is she really a big fan? I think I may have heard her going to one of my 1989 gig.

Harry's tux jacket clung to her petite figure and due to the close proximity between us I can destinctly recognise Harry's perfume, the one I loved on him.

"It's nice to meet you too." I lied, It would have been nice to meet her if I have really let go of Harry, if my heart wasn't beating his name anymore. But no it's not good to meet her right now, not when all I can think off when I look at her is how Harry looks at her with all the love in his eyes, he looked at her with the way he always used to look at me.

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE EVERYONE! 2018 WILL BE A GREAT YEAR (HOPEFULLY) !! ENJOY READING THIS, I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO UPDATE THIS ONE LAST TUME THIS YEAR. 😂😘

PS. The Haylor New Years eve kiss is just a few hours away and I'm not okay. 💔😭