Shattered

Friends?

Your suggestions are very helpful, Thank you to everyone who commented and shared their Ideas because I was completely out. This Chapter is dedicated to you guys! Enjoy. xx

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I feel guilty for enjoying watching her sleep in my bed. I never slept well last night because of her. She kept me awake for hours until I fell asleep when the clock ticked 5am only to be awaken by Camille's phone call at 7am.

And thinking about what happened last night, my actions were reckless I wasn't thinking of consequences, but when did I ever think of consequences when it came to Taylor? But still that wasn't right and I don't know if you can call this cheating and it sure felt like it. I know that I should tell Camille but I can't, not when everything is going great between us.

I'm not sure how I should feel about Taylor, I couldn't even stare at her without feeling guilty because both of us are with someone else and yet she's lying in my bed, sleeping peacefully.
She couldn't have broken up with him now could she? She was so inlove with him, and they were happy. I'm so clueless right now, my heart and mind was once again at war and my mind was losing it. I do love Camille but all of those feelings are nothing compared to what I feel for Taylor but even so I wouldn't choose it over Camille.

When her eyes sprung open it immediately met mine. Her ocean blue eyes were bloodshot, and tired although I still caught a glimpse of the spark it has whenever her eyes meet mine. She smiled at me, she just smiled as if it was the most normal thing to do when you just woke up on your ex-boyfriends bed after falling apart on his arms last night.

"Good Morning." She greeted and I just could not help but to smile back.

"Good Morning, are you okay?" I asked the stupidest question. Well I know that she's not and it was pretty obvious.

"You don't know what it feels like waking up and seeing you." She smiled at me and for the first time I saw the sparkle in her eyes when she's genuinely happy.

But honestly, I do know what it feels like waking up and seeing her. It's the most surreal shit ever, it's the happiest and saddest thing that I felt. God it feels like my heart will leap out of my chest, I'm just happy to see her.

I smiled back at her and looked away, then I just felt her hands reaching for mine. I looked at her.

"I know you don't want me here, but all I know is that I've never felt home up until now," she began to tear up again, and it was killing me."and I know that you are happy and inlove with her and you still think that I'm inlove with someone else and I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark when I know I shouldn't have and I know it's too much but I need to let you know that I've always been inlove with you. That it was always you and I was just too blinded by the concept of having someone serious and never dangerous at that time and I was just lucky that he really was serious but now I'm wishing that he isn't. I'm praying that he was the one who's hurting me instead of I'm the one hurting him. And... and.."

Her words was shaking, every word coming out faster than I could comprehend. She was panicking for no reason and that alone was enough for me to know that she has a lot going on right now. She's worried, anxious, heartbroken and God knows how much i want to take it all away. I just want her to be happy and I thought pushing her to someone who could give her all the love and assurance I still couldn't give her at the moment was the best choice.

I held her tight, her head pressed on my chest I wonder if ever she hears my heart breaking. I couldn't speak my heart out because words are terribly failling.

"It's okay love," I wisphered.

"It's stupid how just yesterday I was debating with myself whether to fly her or not and now in a spur of courage here I am, in you arms feeling so guilty because I'm home."

"How'd you know where I am?" I asked.

"I've been following your tour dates. Yeah it's creepy, I know. And also I have been in contact with Jeff." She answered casually as if it was the most natural thing. And it was odd because Jeff like her, but when it comes to Camille he never liked ger as much. He'd even let the media roast her if they had the chance to. But when it was Taylor, he even helped her sneak in.

"I never thought you'd be going after me. You're happy hiding out with him Taylor, he's giving you his time, all the things that I never gave you. You were standing on solid ground with him, you're safe, no ones questioning everything about your relationship but why did you come all the way here? I don't understand."

She pushed me back. And she was smiling like what I just said was a Hillarious joke.

"You're right and it was all perfect up until I realized that I want to be happy and I don't want to be right. I want to be dancing in the ceiling at midning happy with you, instead of lying awake in a bed beside someone so right and wondering why being right feels so wrong... I was scared Harry I admit. The day after you announced your hiatus, you showed up in my apartment and when you told me you were ready to leave everything behind even your career just to run away with me, believe me I wanted to say yes, I almost said yes but I was so afraid to the point that I panicked I pushed you away leaving your heart shattered once again. I crashed it in my own hands again and as the blood dripped from your heart you didn't know that I was also hurt because of the sharp pieces that pierced my hands by crashing your heart." I'm tearing up. This was the first time that I have ever ket her explain.

"And believe me when I say that I damaged myself too along the way. There is nothing more I want that to day yes to you everytime you asked but I was never that brave. And now I want to make it right, I want to let you know that this time I will wait for you until God knows when. I'm going to wait patiently until I hear you say that you love me too the same way as I do. I love you so much Harry."

She was smiling as she wiped my tears. "Stop crying you look ridiculous." I let out a small laugh at her comment.

"I should be angry with you. You'll just show up here in Sweden in the middle of the night crying, looking like a mess and then the next day you'll tell me that you love me still when you know full well that I am with someone else, you'll tell me that you'd wait for me no matter how long it takes until I say that I love you too. But I am not. Not a single bit angry at you. It was stupid and risky and not so Taylor of you to show up here just to explain yourself when you could have just called me up and threathened me not to hang up but I appreciate it."

I held her hand and placed it on my cheek, feeling her warmth surround me.

"I love you Taylor. I love you too. But I'm afraid that all I could offer you right now is friendship. You see love, I couldn't leave her and I don't wnat to leave her. She saved me so many times, and I love and thank her for that. She's special and I could not break her heart. That would be the last thing i'd want." I explained and she was nodding and smiling.

"It's okay. I will wait, even if that means that I'll be put into friendzone."

We both laughed while preventing our tears to fall. She was smiling and laughing but I could tell that there still is something she has to do to free herself from all the baggage.

"You make me a better person Harry, my friend. And oh as your friend I'd be watching you tonight." She laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"Quit it." I said stading up and pulling her with me to eat breakfast.

It was one heck of a morning and ut was barely 8am. My friend Taylor Swift never fails to make me fall inlove with her even more.