Shattered

You are so Inlove

The pain. It feels different but so damn familliar all at once. I don't know what to feel, or if I should feel like this. I can't help but to feel bad about all this, and everyone including my friends are expecting me to feel okay. I mean how? How can you feel okay when the love of your life is so inlove with someone who isn't you?

All I know right now is that my heart is breaking and it fucking hurts. I want her, I want her more than anything and anyone in the world right now. Maybe you'll only feel like this when you know that you don't stand a chance?

He's great, He makes Taylor happier than she's ever been for so many years, he treats her so great, he makes her feel everything and nothing all at once and that alone and I don't even know if I ever said I love Taylor more than my life. I'm so ready to run away with her, leave the spotlight and stay under the covers with her for the rest of my life. I love her and I was ready but why didn't I let her know? Why did I let this happen? Why did I let someone get her first?

It's my fault I know that and I could only blame myself because I had the chance, I had the fucking chance but I fucked it up. I let it slip through my fingertips. Now I'm here watching someone make her feel happy and loved.

Outside It's a bright and sunny day, a perfect happy weather contrary to the atmosphere inside this room and contrary to what I feel.

My band has been trying to help to get her out of my mind and help me move on but just like every attempt throughout the years it always fails. She has me tied in the neck I don't think she even knows that. She can ruin my whole life in a blink of an eye, thats how much power she has on me.

"Harry?" That voice, Camille.

I sat up from the bed, and plastered a fake smile across my face before she can enter my room in this hotel suite.

"Mornin' love." I whispered rubbing my eyes.

She sat beside me and I leaned in and gave her a kiss on her forehead. She just arrived, and I appreciate how much time, support and effort she's been giving me. She just finished a photoshoot and went here as soon as she can.

"Thanks for being here." I said my lips brushing on her forehed.

"Mhhm, I will be wherever you are." I smiled at what she said.

Camille she's a great person, someone who's worthwhile and someone you'd want to settle down with. She's always there for me, even if we are just on it for months. Her smile is more than enough to make to think of having a future with her. She's gentle, caring, everything I wanted. And her personality is the opposite of what my fans think of. If I wasn't caught up with someone else maybe I would have got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. But no, I don't imagine myself asking someone else.

Her blonde hair, the ocean blue eyes, plump red lips, pale smooth skin, and that warm heart of her reminds me so much of someone else and I hate it because I know she deserves more than that shit. But I want her with me because she makes me feel less broken than I really am, she heals me, she sees the best in me despite the state that I am in right now.

I pulled her down on the bed with me and so we cuddled. Somehow this makes me feel alive, this makes my heart mend slowly little by little only to be broken by Taylor over and over again. It's Camille who should be doing that but no, she's done nothing else but to heal me.

I think even if I don't tell her she knows how broken I am in the inside and she's been doing everything to help me get out of the rabbit hole I got myself stuck in.

She fell asleep instantly after I unconsciously hummed a song. Her head is on my chest, arms draped lazily on my stomach. She's something else, not just another model girlfriend of mine but she means the whole world to me, and I think she doesn't know that because I'm being the asshole she doesn't deserve. I'm failing on treating her the way she deserves and I don't want that. For her and well for me too I'll try to be a whole and better person.

After I made sure she's well asleep. I got out of bed, gently leaving her on the bed and pulling the duvet up to her shoulder.

I opened the tv on the kitchen and her face was the first thing I saw. The sounds coming out from the Tv disappeared when I saw her face. The red lips, the blue eyes, everything I wanted and still want. She's staring back at me and my heart is going wild. The pounding in my chest is all I can hear. But I was snapped back to reality when a picture of him appeared beside her picture.

My heart fell, a sharp pain coursed my entire body. Yeah it hurts, it fucking do.

Then a song played, the catchy melody and lyrics was more than enough to make my tears fall. The song pierced my heart, my entire being it's like watching someone stab you multiple times and you are okay with it.

'Call it what you want'

The title was more than enough to let anyone know how she feels about him. She's so inlove with him. You are so inlove with him Taylor.

Maybe this is the reason why she didn't even care playing any of the songs to me and ask me if it's great or ask for more suggestions just like how she always did with every song. Do I need to thank her for not hurting me sooner? I appreciate it so much.

I switched off the tv and wiped the tears away. I need to keep it together for Camille and the fans waiting for my concert later.

I then proceeded to making breakfast for me and Camille. I shouldn't have opened the Tv, that was a bad Idea.

It's been only a couple months since we last spoke. But now it seems that she went away and we never spoke since then. Not even a single phone call from her and me I blocked all the news about her, except for her new songs and her album I've always been a fan and of course I never escaped the news about him and the bloke and how she's all over him like I was all over her like a wine stained dress she couldn't wear anymore. But she still kept it deep inside her closet instead of giving it away and maybe finding someone who would still want that dress.

I miss her, I do alot of times but does she? It's so hopeless and we are a hopeless case but I don't know why I'm still hopefull. Maybe because I'm hanging on to her words, and the promises we made?

After finishing what I was cooking I grabbed my phone and decided to open our old messages. It's been less than 6 months.

It's funny how months ago its so different. She sent me a cake on my birthday, we were always in contact. But then that changed so suddenly, I wasn't ready for it.

I want to send her a message. I want to ask her how she is even if she's obviously doing great while me? I don't know what to do with my life.

I want to ask her if she already moved on from us, or maybe if it's time for me to let her go too.

But instead, in a moment of courage I sent her a text that would break her heart if, if she still loves me which she dont.

You are so inlove. I'm glad.