Shattered

H

I'm sorry for this chapter but I hope you will still enjoy it. xx

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

"I love you Harry."

Why now? Why just now when I'm beyond broken. Why just now when I needed time to heal? It wasn't a question whether I love her or not because I do, I will always do. But I am shattered, br9ken beyond measures, a perfect mess, scattered in pieces and I don't think she'd want me at my weakest point and I'm afraid she's just cofused. I don't want to get hurt again, she's shattered me a million times and if what she said was real, she'd wait for me. She'd wait for us to happen.

It's not that I didn't want what I just heard but we are both in a relationship, both going strong, or I guess mine is and I didn't want to hurt other people just to be with her, especially not Camille. And to be fair she makes me happy.

I'm certainly not inlove with someone else, not Camille, not yet. That's the thought going on and on inside my head as I stumbled my way back to the function hall. The music was blaring or is it just my heart nearing to explode? people were getting wilder every second and I sat at the bar, downing as many drinks as I can until it numbs everything, until I can't remember her anymore.

The night was still young and I've drunked nearly a whole barrel of beer but it seems like there is no ammount of alcohol or anything that can make me forget her. She's permanently etched in my heart and mind and that alone is not helping at all.

Many people we're trying to talk to me but I flat out ignored them by just drinking whatever I'd have infront of me until they leave, but despite all of that a bloke, sitted next to me and I couldn't ignore him. Not when he took my chance away. He took the love of my life from me, I'm here thinking all of that when she wasn't even mine, silly me.

He wasn't saying anything at first then he introduced himself while I, still feeling the throbbing of my aching heart, pretended I didn't knew him. I wouldn't admit it, no. I'm drunk, completely drunk but my system is still functional and I hate it because despite the ammount of alcohol I drank I can't bring myself to punch him so hard in the face with no apparent reason. But maybe there is.

He fell silent, maybe having no idea how to start a conversation with his girlfriends ex-boyfriend who happens to be the one she's still inlove with. And to be honest I couldn't care less if he want to talk with me, I'm too busy with what I'm feeling to even care about him.

"Congratulations by the way." He started. I raised an eyebrow with a confused look in my face. What the hell is this guy talking about?

"With the album, the movie, with everything I guess." He shrugged.

"Well Thanks man, how'd you know all that? I mean, you don't seem like someone who'd know everything about me, no offense." I said turning my full attention to him.

He smiled and looked at his drink for a couple of seconds. "My girlfriend Taylor, I'm quite sure you know her, she's your biggest fan and she never missed anything about you. She loves you infact." He gave me a bitter smile then he bid goodbye, while I was there having no fucking idea what just happened.

What does that mean? What does the fuck he mean? He couldn't know that unless Taylor told him but considering how a bad liar Taylor is I wouldn't be surprised at all. I mean Taylor is inlove with him right? What she said was just some twisted joke right? She should be inlove with him and not me, or maybe what that guy meant was that she loves me because of my songs or something. I don't even fucking know anything right now. My brain is fuzzy, full of mixed stuff but mostly her, swirling around and around making me dizzy making my heart and head ache.

2am, the party was still on full swing, but all you can see were those young people around my age dancing around and getting wasted. I maybe drunk but I don't think I'm ready to go home yet and get engulfed with the quiet and tears that I've been holding back all night. I wandered down the hall and out of the place, I'm pretty sure the pavement in london was straight and not zigzag. I ignored the paps, too drunk to care, and started to walk my way home.

It wasn't that far just a couple blocks away from my house and I really needed the time alone to think. Think about what exactly? An inner voice in my head my conscience maybe echoed back.

I shouldn't be thinking about her, exactly not what she said but I can't help it. Her words are all that's been echoing in my head the whole night, the loudness of the music never drowned it out along with the alcohol. Does she really still love me? Or she's just confused. Again.

I'm tired of all her tricks, I'm tired of playing games and acting we can't be together when the truth is we can, she just didn't want to, she just never gave me a real chance. I'm in the point of my life where I'm healing, healing from all the scars and never ending shattering events. In the point where I love her with all my heart but I'm choosing Camille because I love her too. It sounds unfair but I love Camille too, It may not be in the way that I'm inlove with Taylor but it was enough to respect her, and make us work.

The walk home didn't take much time than I expected. The alcohol slightly wore off and I didn't feel the need to cry my eyes out anymore. My heart and mind was at peace again, not raging, nor clouded. Things got clearer.

The bedroom door was slightly ajar and I could see her figure lying on my bed, my bedside lamp was left illuminating the room and I couldn't fight a smile from showing as I stared at her sleeping figure.

But then I caught a glimpse of her face and there was an evident tearstain, an evidence that she cried, but why? Why would she cry? My face fell, my mood turned back to gloomy again. I looked at the room and on her bedside table, under her phone was the polaroid I hid under my pillow when she started waking up earlier.

What have I done?