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2nd January 2017

The new year was painfully boring for me. Cooped up inside was not as comforting as I wanted it to be and I just couldn't bring myself to answer the phone. Jenny said that Ethan had texted her. He was worried about me, knowing that I used to get antsy about not answering the phone. I was just getting annoyed with the free time and the not people of being inside all the time. We didn't end up making a short film like we said we would and that was part of the issue for me. I just didn't like not doing anything. Maybe it was a result of feeling trapped during the important teenage period of my life. I had shitty people skills.

I should've expected Ethan to turn up at my apartment. He was the sort of person to do that. Turn up when he was worried about someone. It was definitely not the first time id answered the door in practically no clothes. I'd tend to just pull on the closest sweater and open the door. I didn't care that much for what strangers thought of me. He scratched the back of his neck, letting a shy smile creep onto his lips.

"Ethan," I breathed out, letting my shoulders fall forward. " What are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you. You haven't come back to the office since Mark left for Cincinnati and even though you've been editing videos, I'm just worried about you." He took a breath and looked up. "You don't look too good. Do you need a drink?"

He had pretty much let himself in, walking into the kitchen and spend ing a good few seconds finding the cups. He didn't end up finding them, but using a mug with my school's logo on it and handing it to me, filled with tap water. I just watched him through the gap in the hallway.

"How did you even get up here?" He handed me the mug and I reluctantly took a sip.

"I texted Jenny. She gave me her key on the way out. Like some kind of spy movie thing. You should've seen it. So cool." He looked around. "Huh. This is the first time I've been in your apartment. It's a lot different than I was expecting."

I groaned and pulled out a barstool from the counter so I could sit down. "What did you expect? Some penthouse suite? I live off a student allowance."

"No, but not orange tiles. It's weirdly summery." He lent over the bench to look at me, his attitude changing dramatically in just a few moments. "Kiara, can you tell me what's up? I'm seriously concerned."

"Of course you fucking are."

"Have you been taking your pills?"

"No. Have you?" I spat, not even looking at him.

"Yes." There was a pause. "Why haven't you taken them?"

"Because they are stupid and do fuck all."

"Come on, Kiara. You have to take them." He ran a hand through his hair, letting it settle on the bench again.

"No, I don't. I can just be how I was in high school."

He sighed, coming around to my side of the bench and tilting my head to look at him. "Kiara... Please take your medication. For me?"

"Fuck you." I pulled away from him and put my head on the bench. I heard him get off the bar stool and opened a drawer. He laughed.

"Good guess," he applauded himself, placing two boxes on the counter. I could hear the rattle of the contents and sighed, lifting my head. Ethan popped the pulls and held them out to me. "Please, Kiara."

"Fine," I mumbled, grabbing them from his hands and swallowing them with the water I already had. My understanding, as far as reality went, was that Ethan really wanted things to go back to how they were last year. He wanted to see me almost every day, with my vaguely annoyed glare and my continuous use of language. I think I wanted him to want that. To miss me, considering I'd never really experienced that before.

"Thank you."

"Fuck you."

"Yep. I deserve that, don't I?" He laughed, rubbing his neck and looking down. He took a moment to pause and take a breath. "I get worried about you, Ki. I-"

"Stop fucking calling me Ki. Mark is the only one who ever called me that. It's his thing. Stop it."

"I got it." He put his hands up in surrender and chuckled. "Kiara, then."

Was it wrong to want to kiss him? I was just so constantly angry with him that if this were some movie, I'd end up having an activated one night stand and did anyone really want that? I sighed, blaming my mood, and put my head back on the table. I felt him tap his fingers on the counter, waiting for the right thing to say to come to mind. Or maybe he was waiting for the right moment. Wither was just as likely, considering it was Ethan we were talking about. Ethan with me, mostly. Trying to find what to say and when to say it to not end up having to get a power cable surgically removed from his ass.

I could imagine that. Us turning up at the ER because I had definitely not shoved my laptop charger up his ass. I chuckled, making Ethan ask what I was laughing about. I told him, and he instantly regretted asking, complaining that that would probably not be fun.

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