Being A Dad : Sebastian Stan

Shocking News

"Mr. Stan... I'm sorry. She had lost so much blood. She was gone before they even brought her here." said the doctor.

All the words felt meaningless to me. I just lost her. I will never be able to see her smile again. I will never be able to hold her in my arms. I will never feel the soft lips of her. It felt like someone has stabbed me on my heart multiple times. She was my life. My life is nothing without her. My cheek felt wet of my tears. I just sat on that position the way I fell down on the floor.

I felt two tight grip on my shoulder. I didn't even bother to look who it was. I felt someone tried to get me into my feet. Their words never reached my ears. I couldn't feel my feet. The strong grip held me and placed me on the nearest chair. I was beyond shock. I don't know where I was. I was lost.

I felt someone hugged me tightly. My shoulder felt wet for the man's tears. For the first time I looked and saw Anthony standing in front of me. He was wearing a sad expression and tears were on his eyes. And the man who was hugging me tightly was Chris. He was crying loudly.  That moment I heard his cry I also broke down. I gripped him tightly and started to cry. I have never cried this much loud in my entire life.

"Anna......" I tried to say but i couldn't say anything.  I just cried loudly. Chris also continueed to cry. I felt another hand rubbing my back. It was Anthony. I started to cry even louder.

"Man, you have to be strong " said Anthony in a heavy voice filled with grief. I let go off Chris. Chris' eyes were puffed red. They helped me to sit on the chair. They both sat either side of me. I burried my face in my arms and again started to cry.

"Do you want to seee her for the last time?" said the doctor. I looked up.

"Yeah." i said in a low voice. Chris and Anthony stood up with me. I stopped them.

"I need to see her alone." I managed to say. They nodded.  I whipped my tears and followed the doctor.

The doctor took me to a room. He opened the door and gestureed me to go inside. Then he shut the door behind me. I slowly made my way to the bed. There was Anna sleeping.  She looked like she is taking a nap. Her face was as beautiful as ever. It didn't look like she has faced an accident!  I placed one hand on her head and broke down.

"Why? Anna! Why you left me?" I demanded and cried.

"You didn't think of Ashley and me? How could you be so selfish! " I cried.  I hugged her lifeless body tightly. I held her for my life..

"Open your eyes,damn it! just one more time!....We have our whole life ahead us.....You can't just leave me.!?" I cried and held her. There was no response. I don't know for how long I held her. Then I heard the door opened.  Chris and Anthony came in.

"Man, you have to let her go now." said Anthony. I just stared at her beautiful face. Chris again broke down. Anthony rubbed my back.

"You have to be strong for your daughter, for Ashley.  She needs you. You have to be strong for her." said Anthony.

That's when I thought about my daughter. The 2 month old won't even understand what has happened. How god has taken her mother from her in such a young age. She needs me. She's all I got now. She's the last sign of Anna. I have to be strong for her. I nodded and whipped my tears.

"You have to leave now." said the doctor. I leaned down and kissed her on her lips. For the last time I felt her soft lips.  Her touch. Her cold body. Then I kissed her forehead. Chris was still crying.  I went to him and hugged him. I rubbed his back. Chris went to Anna and placed a kiss on her forehead.  Anthony placed a hand on Anna's forehead and sighed. We got out of the room. I just glanced back for the very last time to the love of my life.

As I came out my mother hugged me and started to cry. The moment i left the room I decided I have to be strong.  For my daughter.  She needs me. I can't break down. My mom cried while holding me. I rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry dear.....I'm sorry for you loss. " sobbed my mom. Then I let her go off my arms.

I saw Anna's parents.  Her mom was holding her dad they bothr were crying. I went to them and hugged them both. They have just lost their daughter.

"You should see her for the last time." I said and they nodded. I took a seat and burried my face in my hands. I can't break down. I told myself.  Chris and Anthony sat beside me.

All the things started to fall down. It was the end of my life as well. I am nothing without Anna. I closed my eyes and every time I saw a beautiful face smiling at me. She is gone. Without realizing I felt my eyes wet. I rubbing my face and whipped the tears. I got up.

"Where are you going?" said Chris in a heavy grief voice.

"Ashley........ She...needs...she..needs me" I struggled to let out the words. I have to go for my daughter. She is just two months old. She needs me more than anything else.

"Okay....." said Anthony.

I felt blank. There was no reason for me to live. Anna should have taken me with her. I was still in shock that I was still refusing to believe that she was gone. I just hoped it's a bad dream and when I'll wake up I'll see my beautiful wife sleeping peacefully beside me....

First published:10th April 2018

Edited: 24th March 2019