Pushed & Pulled

Chapter 11: Nightmares

The monsters we fear the most don't live under our beds, they live inside us.

-Unknown-

It's not real, it's not real, I whisper, squeezing my eyes tight. "Oh yes my pet this is real". The voice is familiar. I slowly open my eyes to find the same black evil ones I've seen before. My hands are chained and rip into my sensitive flesh, tears sear a way down my cheeks and into my hair. Please don't hurt me! I plead. A figure come into focus, I recognize it, its him, that bastard William. A sob escapes me as I thrash against my bondage. "Oh the things I have planned for you my pet". No, no, noooooooo! I jump from my bed sweat dripping from my chest I grasp my wrist to ensure no chains still bind me. A dream, I sigh in relief. No, not a dream, a nightmare.


I managed to make it through the week to Saturday without seeing Cameron. My body and soul ache for him. Max has hung out with me every night like clockwork although he does little to stop my nightmares. I look down at him from the stool I'm occupying while sipping my very large cup of coffee, I haven't slept but a couple hours every night this week, my mind filled with the reminisces of the nightmares that have been haunting me. I decide to walk max back to Cameron's house, I usually just let him out since he knows the way home, but I haven't been able to think straight due to lack of sleep. I slip my sandals on and head out with max in the lead. 

We walk up to the back door and I knock. After a few minutes of no reply I knock again, this time a little harder. I peek in the window but don't see any movement inside so decide to walk around to the garage and punch in the code. The door lifts; I see Cameron's car is gone. Heading inside max runs ahead and I can hear him eating in the kitchen. "Cameron?" I call out just in case. I mean to leave but walk upstairs to Cameron's bedroom instead. "This is a bad decision" I tell myself. But it doesn't stop me. As I enter his bedroom, I flip the light on, the bed perfectly made, my hands slowly running along the top. It's so soft. I sit down and grab a book from the nightstand and flip it open. Casually leaning against the headboard. Marines' special ops training? That's weird I think but before I know it my eyes feel heavy and unwilling, I drift to sleep.


The scent of sweet tomatoes and garlic tickle my senses. My eyes flutter open and I realize I'm still in Cameron's bedroom lying on his bed. I stretch out. Although I'm not thrilled I fell asleep I do feel more rested than before but not by much. I pull my phone out of my pocket. Five pm "crap!" I sit up and quickly slid my sandals on and head downstairs. The scent of sweet tomatoes and garlic grow stronger and my mouth waters. I haven't been eating that well either this past week. I rub my stomach and the knots that were strung tight loosen a bit. When I get to the bottom of the staircase, I can hear cupboards opening and dishes being clanked around, I peer over at the front door debating on whether I should quietly make my escape or confront the man I've been aching to see. 

Before I can make a move Cameron walks around the corner. "Your awake." He smiles brightly as I turn his direction. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that." I slowly run my hands through my hair. "I've been so tired lately I don't even remember closing my eyes." Cameron steps closer, I don't move away and he takes a breath letting it out slowly. "I'm glad you're here, and don't ever be sorry, I told you this is your home." "Cameron." I sigh. But before I could utter another word Cameron pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me, I don't even fight him, I lean into his chest and inhale his scent and it loosens the knots even more, calming me. This is what I need. I tell myself. All I can think of is 'safe'. We stand there holding each other for a long moment, when my stomach roars to life letting me know I haven't eaten yet today. Cameron breaks contact first and looks down at me. "When was the last time you ate?" He asks but it's a threat silently promising me a lie will not go over well. My shoulders sag. I'm too tired to argue, the few hours of sleep in Cameron's bed not making up for the weeklong loss. "Yesterday." I say quietly. I feel him take a deep breath and slowly let it out. I brace myself for a fight, but instead Cameron holds me tight in his arm and whispers softly. "Let's go eat love." I look up at him and can now see how tired he looks; dark rings circling his eyes. He turns and leads me to the kitchen and pulls a chair out for me to sit in and slips in the chair next to mine staying close. I can tell he misses me just as much as I missed him.