Trust Must be Earned

Chapter 11

"Angel? Tatianna?" I called out. All I could hear was silence; the house was dark. One little lamp was on in the living room, but that was it. I went to the kitchen first. "Tatianna?! Tatianna? "Where are you baby?" I kept shouting as I went from room to room. I checked my phone in case she had called but I had nothing. I headed up stairs. "Tatianna!" I shouted. I waited and listened. I heard the faintest hint of a whimper. So I called out again. "Tatianna!" I heard another whimper. I went into her bedroom and it was empty. I checked the en suite but it was also empty. Lastly I checked the closet. The sight before by eyes made me want to throw up. All I could see was blood, and lots of it. It took me a minute to catch up with my mind. I was frozen in place. There was a razor blade in Tati's left hand it was dragging deep lines across her wrists. I looked down at her cuts and tears came to my eyes. How could one girl be so broken? It wasn't fair for her to have to carry all this pain! It just wasn't right! I sat down next to her, and pulled her closer to me.

"Tatianna, look me in the eyes." I said softly. She didn't budge tho. I lifted her chin and made her look at me. Then I whipped the blood away from her wrists with my jacket sleeve. I began planting small kisses on top of her cuts. She winced but I didn't stop. It was important for Tati to know that she was loved. "Angel next time you want to cut, I want you to look me in the eyes and cut me as many times as you would cut yourself." I would gladly take the pain for my girlfriend any day.

"I could never hurt you like that." She barely whispered.

"Now you know how I feel." I croaked. I could hear the guilt in my voice dripping off of every word. She colapsed into my chest and cried even harder. "I love you, Tatianna. Please stop." I whispered slowly sliding the blade out of her hand and taking the box of the rest of them away. She cried and I cried. I don't know how long we stated like that in the closet but I know that it felt like forever. I remeber finding her in the balcony in the hotel, after I upset her, curled up and crying. It was heart breaking and I said I never wanted to find her like that again. Yet somehow the world is fucked up and my angel keeps hurting. Someone else needs a turn. Tatianna doesn't deserve this. If anyone should be getting attached by Karma it's me. Bad things shouldn't happen to good people. Eventually I picked her up and carried her into the bathroom attached to her bedroom. I sat her down on the sink and carefully peeled her shirt off. I looked in the medicine cabinet and found another reason I'm glad I'm dating a gymnast. She always had the necessary medical supplies. I pulled out the pre-wrap and gauze. I turned on the faucet and I washed her cuts with water. Soap would burn too much. Once they were clean, I wrapped them in the pre-wrap and then the gauze. Last, I taped the ends of the bandages so they wouldn't come apart. Truth be told, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing but this seemed like the way to go about taking care of cuts. Tatianna sat quietly during this whole clean up. She didn't even make a sound and she barely moved. I took of my jacket and threw it in the tub. I'd deal with it later but for now a little water might help the stain. I turned the shower on and let if soak my jacket. I stripped up both until I only had boxers on; Tati had on my t-shirt and her panties. There was nothing even remotely sexual about this. Tension and saddness were think in the air. I picked her up again and set her down in the bed. The light was turned out. I wanted Tatianna to sleep but I knew it was going to be a rough night for both of us. After about twenty minutes of laying quietly. Tatianna's phone dinged. She got out of bed and walked over to the dresser where both our phones were sitting. She picked up one in each hand because she didn't know who's phone went off. Tatianna looked enraged. Her eyes went from depression to world war three in a split second. She pulled her arm back and just as she was about to send my phone flying throught the wall she stopped. Tatianna put my phone back on the dresser and sent her own phi ni to the wall with a loud crash. I loved the fact that even though she was barely functional she still cared about others. Given her current state I wouldn't have cared about my phone, but it was still kind of her to take a second and think about me.

"Um...Tati, who was it from?" I asked apprehensively. She looked at me with a blank expression and then looked away. Tatianna crawled back into bed and snuggled close to me. She fell asleep fast, but tossed, turned, and talked in her sleep all night long. I couldn't sleep at all. I had too many thought running through my mind. This would all go away soon. We would graduate and go off to college together and we could start fresh.

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I woke up to an empty bed. It was still really early I could feel it without even having to look at a clock. I trudged downstairs to find Tatianna sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room with her guitar. She wasn't singing just playing a sweet melody. It was soft and slow.

"Hey baby." I cooed. She jumped at the sound of my voice but didn't stop playing. Her big brown eyes were swollen puffy from all the tears, and she just starred up at me and she changed her melody. I didn't recognize the song but I listened.

"Um, I called Derek. I asked him to come and check out your....um...well...wrists." I stumbled for the right words know that this was gonna be a sensitive topic. Tatianna stopped playing. She looked at me and shook her head frantically. "It'll be ok, angel. He just wants to look at them and make sure that we don't need stitches or anything." I assured. Tatianna. Wasn't having it tho. She began to panic. She stood up abruptly and her guitar clattered to the floor with a band. She jumped at the noise. It was like watching a mouse in a valley of cats. Everything scared her. I grabbed her by both shoulders. "Its ok. You're safe now. It's ok, you're ok." I cooed. Tatianna nodded and hurried her face into my bare chest. I was failing as a boyfriend. I should be protecting her and making her feel loved. I can't let this keep happening to her! We cuddled on the couch and just took some time to think and breath. The door bel rang and I got up to let Derek in. I made sure it wa him before I even thought about opening the door.

"Hey bro thanks for coming." I said. Derek and I did the half handshake, half hug thing. He came inside. "Tatianna, Derek is here." She looked up at him and then looked away again.

"I know about the cuts, but what exactly made her this fragile?" Derek asked in my ear.

"I got no clue! I'm real worried tho!" I sighed.

"K well let's see what can find out." He said. Derek walked over to Tatianna and sat I front of her on the coffee table. "Hey Tati. Can you tell me what happened?" He asked sweetly, but she only shook her head. "Can you show me?" Tatianna held out her wrists. "Did you do this?" She nodded her head yes. This was heart breaking. I had to walk away. I felt bad for leaving her alone but I needed a minute to get my shit together. I went into the bathroom and i splashed some cold water on my face. How in the world did I end up here. I don't even understand. My life used to be so different until I met a girl I will never be able to live without. I went back to the living room and Derek had taken off Tatianna's bandages and was looking at her cuts. They were bright red and angry looking. I hated them.

"Luckily, you don't need stitches, but this was dangerous. I understand why you did it tho." He sighed and pulled up his sleeve showing dozens of little scars. Tatianna gasped. "Yeah, I did it too, but I stopped and now I need you to stop too ok?" She nodded her head yes. "Let the cuts get air during the day but cover them while you sleep. Stay strong." Derek said getting up from the table.

"Thank you." I said as sincerely as I could.

"Anytime. Be careful with her. She needs you now more than ever. Also seeing a therapist is proabably a really good idea. So see if you can talk her into that."

"I'll try, but she really hates therapy and talking about her feelings so we'll see."

"iight well good luck man."

"Thanks. Bye Derek." I locked the door behind him and went back over to my very broken angel. "So can we talk about this?" I asked. She shook her head and laid down on the couch whither head in my lap. I asked if she was going to sleep and she nodded agiain.

"Sing to me?' She asked her voice was almost child like.

"Of course." I smiled because she spoke for the first time all day. I decided on Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up becuase it seemed fitting for our situation. "When I look into your eyes it's like watching the night sky or a beautiful sun rise. There's so much they hold. And just like them old stars, I see that you've come so far to be right where you are. How old is your soul? Well, I won't give up on us. Even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love. I'm still looking up"

A/N: Just so y'all know chapter 12 has been marked private by wattpad cuz well fuck.