Liberty Star

Hayden

Hayden

"Star light, Star bright, are you making a wish on the first star you see tonight." Hayden says in almost a sing song whispering voice.

I know he wasn't making fun, but it still hurt a little just hearing him say it. All those years growing up flood my memories. I can't count all those times kids made fun of me for my name but something was telling me that he wasn't playing he was just trying to be nice.

"I hate my name, you know." I continue to look up into the sky not once looking over in his direction.  He doesn'tsay anything.  "You wanna know why, cause my whole life people have made fun of it. Twinkle Twinkle little Star, you gonna tinkle in your pants. Oh and another really good one, Star light, star bright don't you wish for a different life." One lonely tear strolls down my cheek and I let it go without swiping it away. I still don't  dare look over at Hayden, but I have a feeling he is looking at me.

"I'm sorry, I really wasn't making fun. I wouldn't do that I just thought...."

I cut him off, "Look it's no big deal, really I'm sorry I should never had said that."

"Sorry again, so is that like your first name or your middle name?"

"Middle, my first name is Liberty, haha even more hilarious don't you think?" I say sarcastically.

"Actually no, I kinda like it, Liberty Star; you sound like a famous movie star."

"Yeah sure...movie star, as if. I'm like the total opposite of one. I'm like one of the poorest girls ever, whose gonna be living in juvie till I'm eighteen and then off to the state pen for murdering someone. Hey maybe I will be a movie star, maybe someone would want to write a movie about me." I smirk.

"Did you?" he says with a serious tone.

I look back at him, trying to search his thoughts.  "Did I what?"

"Murder someone?"

Well then, there it is. "No, I didn't but who is gonna believe a fifteen year old girl."

"I believe you." He reaches over and touches the top of my hand.

I flinch at first and then freeze up. Why, because no one has ever touched my hand like that. And the only other male that has ever touched me beside my dad and my brothers was Jackson. Jackson was a very dark skeleton in the back on my closet. And that's where I wanted to keep him, hidden and locked away.

Hayden must have noticed me when I jump slightly and he quickly lets go, placing his hands behind his head. "I'm sorry I should not have done that."

"It's alright."

"No its not, I should have asked first." He rolls over on to his side then whispers, "So what did he do to you?"

I couldn't answer him. The words were there right on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn't say it. Another tear strolls down my cheek.

"Whatever he did to you is not your fault you know. You have to believe that."

"Hayden," I pause for a second, "Look I'm just not ready to talk about it ok." I never look over at him, trying to keep my eyes more focused on the night stars.

"You don't have to tell me anything, but promise me that you will talk to someone about it. I know from experience, you gotta talk about it or it will eat you alive."

"I know, I know."

He rolls back over and continues to look at the stars. We lay there for a long time not saying anything. It felt good to have someone that close to me and not invade my space.

I finally get up the courage to ask him. "Hayden, what happened? I mean if you don't mind telling me."

"I was wondering when you were going to ask, everyone always wants to know."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I totally understand. I really shouldn't have asked."

At first I thought he wasn't going to say anything but then he just starts talking.

"The scar, it happened when I was nine. At first I was too ashamed to talk about it but over the years it has gotten easier. Of course going to therapy helped out a lot. At first I blamed myself for it, for getting in the way like I always did, but Dr. Harvey finally convinced me that it was never my fault."

"My parents were always fighting about something, if it wasn't the bills; it was my dad drinking or something that I did that made my mom mad. I don't know what they were arguing about that day. All I know is that they were in the kitchen and I interrupted them. My mom was cooking dinner and they were yelling so loud at each other. I remember her throwing a glass at him and it shattered along the wall, pieces of glass flying everywhere. He grabbed the closest thing to him and it just happened to be the skillet where she was heating up oil to fix fried chicken. Well he meant to hit only her but like I said I got in the way and he splattered the hot oil on my whole left side."

I sit quietly not saying a word, just trying to stay focused on the night sky.

"My mom got burned too, but not as much as I did. I ended up in the critical burn unit at the hospital for two month. I have had several surgeries and skin graft procedures and was in rehab for a long time. Not to mention mental therapy with Dr. Harvey."

"My dad got out of jail like a week after the accident, and when he got home I heard that they got into another argument. Except this time a gun was involved and he shot my mom and then himself."

"Unfortunately for me I had nowhere to go. The state placed me with the Shaws and I have been here ever since. They have taken really good care of me, couldn't ask for better parents."

"That's so sad, Hayden. That had to be so horrific and painful to live with." I didn't say I was sorry. I guess cause that is what everyone says, like they know how that must feel. But I didn't know how that felt. But I didn't want to say sorry either because I didn't want him to say that he was sorry for me whenever he finds out my story.

I reach over and place my hand on top of his and squeeze lightly. "Guess we all have demons in our closet. Do you miss your parents?"

"Sometimes. Some days something will happen, like I'll see one of my dad's favorite cartoons or hear one of my mom's favorite songs or even get a whiff of something in the air and I will have flashbacks to that time in my life. However I have good days too you know. Of course the scars will be with me forever, so that doesn't help me get over the past and the fact that it all happened."

I don't ask to see the scar and he doesn't volunteer to show me. I decide to stop asking questions and glare into the night.

"I guess I need to go on to bed."

Hayden jumps up and reaches down for me to grab his hand. I take it and he pulls me up next to him.

"Goodnight Libby!" he says with a smile from ear to ear.

I look back at him in confusion, with a snarl I say, "Wait, what?"

He laughs, then get serious, "Well you see you don't like your name or your name Liberty, which I do however kinda like. And when I look at you, you look like you could be a Libby. Maybe after the trial and when you have to move on to a new life, you should go by Libby. Also Libby is hard to make fun of, so when you are making new friends no one can crack jokes about it."

"Libby, uh!" I shrug my shoulders and chuckle, "sure why not."

When I lay down for the night I think about it and I guess I could live with that, Libby. And when I dose off I actually go to sleep and sleep good for once.

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What are your thoughts about Hayden? Just curious?