Sexual Frustrations

37. Coming home

That night was the worst of my life. I felt so sick to my stomach. So broken and numb. What a fucking waste time and energy. Carl and I were never going to be and I just had to accept that, I just wished I never allowed myself to get so comfortable with him again. I left myself open to heartbreak and it left me ruined.

The earliest flight I could get back to Australia was the next afternoon. That was good enough for me, I couldn't hang around any longer. It was too painful.

Lip tried to get through to me but I was an inconsolable mess. When I crawled out of bed I found him waiting at the kitchen table.

"Hi." I said weakly, I didn't think I had any tears left to shed.

"Ava I don't know what to say." He sighed and I joined him at the table.

"You don't have to say anything." I needed to tell Lip. "I'm leaving today." His face was a little shocked but he nodded.

"I figured that would be coming soon. I'm proud of you. I'll drop you at the airport tonight." He promised and I was thankful.

"Thank you so much Lip. For everything. If it wasn't for you I don't know what I'd do." I felt the tears stream down my face again. "You've given me a home for the past few weeks and you've been my rock and I want you to know that I really appreciate you." He didn't reply he just simple wrapped his arms around me and comforted me. That was all I needed.

"What are you gonna do today?"

"I have a few things I need to do. Say goodbye to everyone, do it properly this time." I wasn't going to leave the same as I did last time.

"Okay what times your flight?"

"5:15pm!"

"Meet at Fiona's at 3:30? You can say goodbye to everyone?" He asked and I nodded.

"Can you let him know please?" I asked and didn't need to give any further explanations. "I think he should know, he can chose to come say goodbye or not."

Lip nodded placing a kiss on my forehead. "I will."

...

I made an effort to catch up with Maddy, Tyler, and Marty before I left. We said an emotional goodbye but made promises to keep in contact. I didn't tell them what sparked my irrational decision to go back, I just said I was needed back at work. No matter how much I wanted to hate Carl...I couldn't. I didn't want to ruin his reputation with them.

After that it was time to take mum to her rehab centre. She got accepted into a 4 month program and she was pretty excited.

"Okay so you'll call when you can?" She asked as we were saying our goodbyes out the front of the centre.

"Of course and you'll keep me updated on how you're going? And be honest?"

"Yes yes I promise. And you'll send for me when I get out of this place?" She was excited and it was really nice to see. I had big hopes for her, I felt confident she'd do me proud. She wrapped her arms around me in a big embrace.

"Of course mom, well keep in touch."

"I love you."

"I love you too mom." We said our goodbyes and I was actually feeling positive about how things were between us. Now it was time to face the hardest part.

...

I packed all of my bags and Lip took me to the Gallagher house for the last time for a long while.
Everyone was there: Fiona, Debbie, Frannie, Lip, Kev, V, Ian, Mickey. Everyone except Carl. My heart hurt a little more at the thought that he didn't want to say goodbye but I wasn't even sure if I could face him after our last encounter. Maybe this would be for the best.