Sexual Frustrations

33. Forgetting

Once we got back to Lips house I went straight to the room I was staying in and collapsed on the bed. Carl stopped to chat with Lip and I assumed he would explain what just happened, which I was thankful for because I didn't think I could recount that ever again.
I'd stopped crying and gained some composure but I was still as equally fucked in the head. I couldn't even fathom what happened. My mom was in such a horrible state which I did feel guilty for but the only reason she wanted me was for money. To solve her debts. She didn't really care how I was or what I was doing with my life, I was just a solution to her problem.

Carl walked into the room after maybe 15 minutes. He walked over and sat by my feet at the bottom of the bed.

"So..." he broke the silence, "Do you want to talk about what just happened?"

"Not really." I groaned sitting up to face him. "I think I got most of it out." I laughed referring to my tantrum in the middle of the street.

"Okay." Carl nodded and I was so thankful for him being there today. He was there when I needed him and I wasn't sure if I could've handled it without him. "What do you want to do?" He asked as if it were a simple question. So I gave him a simple answer.

"Forget." I leant in to kiss him but he was hesitant.

"Ava I need to tell you something." He said quickly before I managed to kiss him and side track his train of thought.

"I can't do serious tonight Carl." I sighed. "I'm sorry, we'll talk tomorrow I promise but right now I just need you to take my mind or everything." I knew we needed to have a serious conversation but in that moment I just wanted to be selfish. I just wanted him in everyday possible and I didn't want to think twice about it or the consequences.

"Okay." He nodded and my appreciation for him just doubled. He leant in slowly and kisssd me gently. His soft lips were a release. As our lips started moving together and his hand caressed my face I felt all the stress as bad feelings slowly evaporate. I shifted off the bed and kneeled in between his legs. I could still sense his hesitation.

"What are you doing?" He asked, his voice deeper than before and his eyes darkening.

"I wanted to thank you for how good you were today." I said placing gentle kisses on his stomach, I felt his breathing quicken at my words. I gripped the top of his pants and looked up at him through my lashes.
"Can I?" He nodded quickly in response and I was happy with that.

I slowly pulled his pants and underwear down, leaving him exposed. He was hard already and I mentally applauded myself. He gasped as I gently wrapped my hand around him and I couldn't help but smirk. I loved having him wrapped around my finger like this. I slowly licked the tip, swirling my tongue around him and i took the opportunity to glance at his face. He looked so sexy, his cheeks were pink and flustered and his breathing shallow.
I slowly took him deeper and deeper into my mouth, savouring the taste of him. He let out a groan as he hit the back of my throat.
I sucked gently and began moving my head up and down, gaining a steady rhythm. His soft moans were so encouraging and I felt so empowered knowing I was giving him so much pleasure. I began to suck harder and faster, swirling my tongue all around him. He swore under his breath which only made me want to keep going. I wrapped a hand around his base and slowly moved it in time with my mouth. It didn't take long before he put a hand on my shoulder stopping me.

"Ava I'm so close and I really want to fuck you." He almost pleaded with me. His words caused my stomach to stir and I could feel myself getting wetter by the minute. He stood up and pushed me back into the bed.
I didn't think I'd ever get sick of having him.

...

We spent the night tangled in the sheets and I felt so much better, almost forgetting the mess of a day I had, until of course Carl brought it up again.

"Hey I think we should talk about what happened earlier today." He said sitting up against the headboard.

"I was just starting to forget." I groaned.

"I know but what happened was huge you can't just push it to the side." He reasoned and I knew he was right. Yelling and screaming in the middle of the street was only going to help me feel better short term.

"I know."

"Well," He prompted and I shrugged, lost for words and dealing with the emotions that came flooding back. "Do you want to see her again?"

"Not really," I answered honestly.

"That's not a definite no," He prodded and I groaned. He was not going to let me do this half-assed, he wanted me to dig deep and unpack my feelings. I definitely did not want to do that but I decided to humour him.

"She's my mom." I shrugged. "What she's done and how badly she's hurt me doesn't change that." He nodded listening intently. "I want to tell her to fuck off and never see her again but I don't think I can."

"Why not?"

"I guess I feel partly responsible." I shrugged admitting the residing guilt.

"How?"

"I left. Maybe she never would have turned to this if I was still here." I didn't want to let the emotions overwhelm me, I wanted to keep my level head and not succumb to tears.

"Ava you can't hold yourself responsible for that." He said with sympathy in his eyes. "She made that decision herself." My mind wondered to Carl's similar decisions and I knew I was partly responsible for them both.

"I dunno," I sighed.

"What do you wanna do about it?" He asked and I really thought about it for a few minutes. What did I want to do about it? I didn't really consider doing anything about it. I guess I could give her the money but how helpful would that really be?

"I don't know what to do. I guess I can just give her the money, depending how much it is."

"Yeah but do you think that's as helpful as you could be?" He was thinking the exact same as I was. Sure I could solve her debt but who's to say she won't get right back on the wagon again and it'll be a cycle.

"Does she deserve help?" I was thinking out loud and my thoughts weren't particularly friendly.

"I think everyone deserves a second chance."

"Okay." I nodded agreeing with him. I was going to give my mom a second chance. "But I'm not going to make it easy for her. She needs to work for it. She needs to actually push herself and try."

"Of course." He agreed. And suddenly the idea struck me.

"I'm going to pay her debts. But she's going to rehab."