Can We Walk Together? (Peterick au)

Chapter 25

*Pete's POV*

Toby sits quietly next to him as he attends his own fake funeral. He's in a fancy suit like he would be if he'd be in the casket that's standing up front with a picture of him on it. He messes with his tie and softly pets his service dog. This is too weird for words. It's been two weeks since he got Toby and a little over a month since he tried to commit suicide. He's been having it hard. He still often thinks about just stepping out, but he knows he's gotta keep fighting. Especially now that he's got this little bugger to look after as well. He looks back down at Toby who's incredibly good. The dog is laying down, head on its front paws as it watches the stage. Pete still goes to Miss Camper every other day and that probably won't change anytime soon. They've been talking about everything that's happened, including his past. He's finally starting to give it an actual place rather than just trying to hide it at the back, in a dark corner of his mind. They've also been trying out new prescription drugs since his old dose and mix didn't help enough anymore. In other words, they've been working together to keep him stable. It's no longer just miss Camper who tries to help, it's also Pete participating as best as he can. Which has never really been the case before. Not that he ever worked against her or anything, except for occasionally canceling some sessions. But he also never really told her anything. Only tiny bits and pieces she had to work with. Now he forces himself to talk more. About Justin, Patrick, his parents, himself, everything. An unfamiliar, but calming voice goes through the room when the man of the morgue, who agreed to do the ceremony there, asks a moment of silence. Everybody looks down, faking a prayer as a song starts playing. "All I want is nothing more, to hear you knocking at my door. 'Cause if I could see your face once more, I could die a happy man I'm sure. When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside. I lay in tears in bed all night. Alone without you by my side. But If you loved me. Why did you leave me? Take my body. Take my body. All I want is and all I need is, to find somebody. I'll find somebody, like you ooh oh. Ooh oh. Like you ooh oh. Like you ooh oh." Pete looks slightly up to secretly gaze over the people surrounding him. There are far more people than he ever expected to show up. Especially since it's a fake funeral. There are friends he hasn't seen in years, relatives he hasn't talked to in months and even people from work with whom he barely ever does something with outside of work. Hell, there even are neighbors, people he thought were just being friendly to him. He sees that literally everyone his hanging their head down, some even dabbing their eyes with a tissue. It gives him a surreal feeling and he's not sure what to do or think."See you brought out the best of me. A part of me I'd never seen. You took my soul and wiped it clean. Our love was made for movie screens. But If you loved me. Why did you leave me? Take my body. Take my body. All I want is and all I need is, to find somebody. I'll find somebody. Ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh. If you loved me. Why did you leave me? Take my body. Take my body. All I wanted and all I needed, to find somebody. I'll find somebody, like you ooh oh." When the song ends he hears some sniffling and the man of the morgue stands up behind the microphone again. "A few of Pete's friends wrote him a song. They'd like to perform it here, in front of his body where his eternal soul might still be watching over us." The guy really sticks to his role, Pete thinks morbid. Gerard, Frank, Mikey and Ray come up the stage with their instruments. "I wrote this song for my dear friend, Pete. May he have found peace wherever he is." Gerard says through the mic before looking back at the boys. It's incredibly weird to hear people talk about him like he's really gone. It's even weirder to be ignored by everyone, but Toby. They got the instructions to not even look at him. Gerard nods towards the other guys and they start playing. As soon as Gerard starts singing, Pete feels tears sting at the back of his eyes. "So long to all of my friends. Every one of them met tragic ends. With every passing day. I'd be lying if I didn't say, that I miss them all tonight. And if they only knew what I would say if I could be with you tonight. I would sing you to sleep. Never let them take the light behind your eyes. One day I'll lose this fight, as we fade in the dark. Just remember you will always burn as bright. Be strong and hold my hand. Time becomes for us, you'll understand. We'll say goodbye today and I'm sorry how it ends this way. If you promise not to cry, then I'll tell you just what I would say if I could be with you tonight. I would sing you to sleep. Never let them take the light behind your eyes. I'll fail and lose this fight. Never fade in the dark. Just remember you will always burn as bright. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your. Sometimes we must grow stronger and you can't be stronger in the dark. When I'm here, no longer you must be stronger and if I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep. Never let them take the light behind your eyes. I failed and lost this fight. Never fade in the dark. Just remember you will always burn as bright. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes. The light behind your eyes." Gerard nods at the mourning, well, fake mourning he supposes, crowd and they silently walk back to their seats. Pete wipes away a single tear that escaped his guards. Toby sits more up and leans against his leg when he notices he's not doing too well. Pete looks down and softly pets the dog with a small smile. He again hears sniffling all around him, some people even full on wiping their noses. They're crying even though they know that he's right here, alive and well. Or as well as you can be attending your own funeral that is. The man of the morgue thanks Gerard and the others for the beautiful song and calls his mother on the stage. Pete frowns surprised. He didn't expect her to participate. She gives the man a hand and walks up to the mic stand, holding a piece of paper. Pete can see her hands shake from here. She takes a few breaths before starting. "As some of you might know, I haven't exactly always been the greatest mother to Peter. I mean Pete, he hated it when I called him Peter." She nervously chuckles and Pete sees how she exchanges a look with Patrick who's sitting all the way up front. "Anyway." She continues, looking at the people sitting in front of her again. "I never stopped loving him. I never loved him any less over the many years that we were apart. Regardless of what he might have thought or what I might have shown him. He was and would always be my little Pete. My only son-" A sob escapes her lips, but she quickly regains herself. Holding a moment of silence before continuing. "Pete was always a very energetic boy. He always ran around to discover new things. One day he'd come home from elementary school with the brightest of smiles. 'Mama' He said to me. 'I want to be a musician'. I picked him up and asked him how he suddenly got that idea in his little head. Turns out that his teacher at the time brought her keyboard to school and they all had to sing a song. A few weeks later and our little Pete was learning to play the guitar in a music school two days a week after regular school. We thought he'd grow out of it again once he'd discover something new, but his passion for guitars and music in general only grew as he got older. He even started his own record label and played in several bands I came to find out. Today, my Pete, that little enthusiastic boy and great young man, leaves an immense hole in the music industry and in our hearts." Another sob and she folds her paper again. "It's not natural for a mother to bury her son. It's supposed to be the other way around. This- this is every parent's worst nightmare." She's silent for a few seconds and Pete sees that most people who have children of their own wipe their tears away. "I will never forgive myself for the years we wasted and for the fact that it's now too late to apologize." She puts the paper in her pocket. "Thank you." She walks off the stage, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. His heart clenches as he remembers that story. His mom and him used to be so close, two peas in a pod like they say, but that all shattered when he came out of the closet and his dad ruined everything. He sees Patrick wrap his arms around his mother and she briefly rests her head on his shoulder before sitting more up again. They're both so tough. Pete thinks to himself as he watches the woman he used to love to the moon and back and the man he'd follow to the end of the universe. His gaze shifts from the odd couple when the man of the morgue whispers something in Tyler's ear who's sitting two seats from Patrick, next to Joe. The boy with fluffy brown hair nods. He then says something to Josh sitting next to him on the other side and they both stand up. They walk up the stage. Tyler up front, Josh following close behind. He stops in front of the mic and Josh stops at the drums that stand more in the back from when Gerard sang his song. "I, uh, we also wrote a song for you, Pete." He says looking at the empty coffin instead of at him. Debby and Ryan give him his instruments and Tyler takes in a few shaky breaths. He plays a few chords and starts to shake his head rapidly. By now Pete and all their other friends know that's Tyler's way of preventing himself from crying. He opens his mouth and his voice is even as he starts singing. "I feel for you, but when did you believe you were alone? You say that spiders crawled inside and made themselves a home where light once was. Petrified of who you are and who you have become. You will hide from everyone, denying you need someone to exterminate your bones. Friend, please remove your hands from over your eyes for me. I know you want to leave but friend, please don't take your life away from me." Pete gets a lump in his throat as he listens closely to the lyrics. This one hits a bit too close to home if he's being honest. "Living like a ghost you walk by everyone you know. You say that you're fine but you have lost your sway and glow. So I stopped by to let you know, friend, please remove your hands from over your eyes for me. I know you want to leave, but friend, please don't take your life away from me. Would you let me know your plans tonight? 'Cause I just won't let go 'til we both see the light. And I have nothing else left to say, but I will listen to you all day, yes I will." Tyler is shaking his head again, turning to look at Josh who smiles encouraging as he drums. Tyler then turns back around and looks straight at the coffin. "Friend, please remove your hands from over your eyes for me. I know you want to leave but friend, please don't take your life away from me." Without another word Tyler leaves the stage, Josh hugging him sideways. Pete wipes his nose. His friends are so talented and so, so sad. It hurts to see them like that, to hear their view through their songs. He looks down at his feet and at Toby who's now laying between them, scratching behind his ear and shaking his head. An all too familiar voice sounds and his head jerks up.  Up on the stage is his boyfriend, beautiful in a dark blue suit and a black bow tie. Eyes red and puffy from crying, but with a hint of a smile on his lips when he sees Pete look up at him. "I've known Pete for a little over a year now. I've loved Pete for almost that same duration of time." He starts and Pete softly smiles because it's weird to think it's only been about a year when it feels like a lifetime. "It may not sound like much, but we had the sort of love you'd see in movies. We fought and made up, we hugged and pushed each other away like any other couple does. But we always knew, no matter how bad things got or how angry we were at each other, that we loved each other like our lives depended on it. We were one team, ready to overcome any bumps in our road to happiness. We genuinely believed we'd have a happily ever after, but this isn't some sappy love story you watch on a Thursday night. This is real life and life isn't as generous. It takes and it takes and it took my Petey." Patrick's voice breaks over his nickname and Pete wants to run up to him to let him know he's not gone. He's still here, no need to feel sad. His eyes widen when those thoughts cross his mind and he finally realizes what he's done. He almost did the same thing to Patrick as Justin did to him. Only this time it's probably even worse because he chose to leave and because he can't deny that what he and Patrick have is stronger than anything he's ever felt for anyone before. Not even for his long lost lover Justin. Of course people, especially miss Camper have told him this before, but you know how that goes. You only really understand something when it comes from yourself. He stares dumbstruck ahead of him when Patrick continues. "I can't say I blame life or God or whoever stole my Petey from me. It's like when you walk in a field of flowers, which one will you pick first? The most beautiful one of course." He smiles and Pete bites his lip to prevent from smiling too. He's not so sure that he's the most beautiful flower in a field. He might not even be a flower at all. He's plastered to Patrick's lips when he talks more about how he felt Pete was like. About all the things that made him fall in love every day and lastly he talks about his final battle. "Pete thought he could end the pain by leaving. What he didn't consider is that suicide never ends the pain. It just passes it on to the next. To me, to us. To everyone who now has to try to survive without him. Who now need to cope with immense grief and are expected to move on after a while. But how am I supposed to move on when there's a piece of my heart buried underground?" He briefly looks at Pete, staring right into his eyes as if he expects an answer. Pete opens his mouth and closes it again, making him look like a goldfish who can't catch its breath. Patrick looks back down and up at the crowd, ignoring Pete as he starts talking again. "In his goodbye letter Pete asked me to sing on his funeral. The fucker knew how much I hate to sing in front of a crowd." The room is divided in soft chuckles or offended gasps when Patrick curses. Pete of course belonging to the laughing part. "He just knew I couldn't ignore his last wish." Patrick softly smiles, barely noticeable. "I uh, I also wrote my own song, though it won't make nearly as much sense as Gerard's or Tyler's did, but Pete would understand." He steps down the stage, wipes a single tear away and takes his guitar. The man of the morgue puts a chair on the stage so he can sit and to Pete's surprise, Brendon also walks on the stage. "As some of you know, Pete also wrote songs and some of them are honestly so, so amazing. So I kind of decided to put some of his most memorable lines in this too as backing vocals. Which my best friend Brendon agreed on helping me with." He explains and Pete's curiosity peaks. Patrick start strumming his guitar and lets his angel voice float through the room. "I got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match. What a catch, what a catch. Whoa." He bobs his head as he focuses on his guitar before singing more. "You'll never catch us. So just let me be. Said I'll be fine 'till the hospital or American Embassy. Miss Flack said I still want you back. Yeah, Miss Flack said I still want you back. I got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match. What a catch, what a catch. And all I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed the one who gave up on you. Who gave up on you. Whoa" It doesn't matter how many times Pete hears that soul voice it always gives him goosebumps. "They say the captain goes down with the ship. So, when the world ends, will God go down with it? Miss Flack said I still  want you back. Yeah, Miss Flack said I still want you back. I got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match. What a catch, what a catch. And all I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed the one who gave up on you. Who gave up on you. Whoa" Brendon starts singing rhythmic "Na Na's" "What a catch. What a catch. What a catch. What a catch." Brendon stops and Patrick even stops playing his guitar as he sings the next lines. "I will never end up like him. Behind my back, I already am. Keep a calendar, this way you will always know." He then uses his guitar again. "I got troubled thought and the self-esteem to match. What a catch, what a catch. And all I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed the one who gave up on you. Who gave up on you." This time it's Patrick who sings the "Na Na's" as Brendon sings the familiar lines to different songs he's written before.