Mafia Baby (Kylo Ren AU)

MB. 38.

I wasn't sure if he wanted the truth, but lying was going to be much harder. I took a deep breath as I started to walk, I decided if we walked and talked I wouldn't have to deal with his face giving me disapproving looks. He walked alongside me, the two dogs walking nicely alongside him. 

"I," I started to talk, thinking about everything I might need to say, things that were the most important. "I don't really know how to begin." I folded my arms across my chest as I walked, I think it was a thing that made me feel safe. "When I was 16 I fell in with the wrong crowd," I took a deep breath again, I dare say I was going to be doing that a lot tonight. "I ended up leaving home, I got involved in some unspeakable things."

My body was shaking as I spoke the words, yet I didn't seem to have given much away. I glanced at Ben for a second, his expression hadn't changed I guess I hadn't told him enough, he wasn't shocked yet. 

"The people who I got involved with were part of a mob, or as some people from the outside might call them, the mafia, the DeMarco family." The truth was these people had been my family for a long time. He didn't need to know how attached I become to these people over the years, that was not important. I looked straight ahead not wanting to know what he was thinking, not wanting to see if his face had changed. "I have been with them ever since, rising through the ranks." I bit my lip as I looked at Ben, this time he did look shocked, his face was looking at me. 

"What do you mean?" He asked me. His voice was so beautiful, I had missed it and every time he had spoken it was listening to gold. 

I looked back ahead, "I mean I worked very closely with this family, I have hurt people and done things I am not proud of."

"This doesn't explain where you were for two months Blair," Ben said as we walked along the beach, heading up the ramp which would take you towards the home estates. 

"We ended up in a war with another crew," I said quietly. "My boss, he thought it would be a good idea to storm their place." I felt my eyes watering as I thought about it. "The last night I saw you, I went there."

"You called me that night," he spoke, "You told me you were going to die."

Sucking in air trying to stop the tears I continued on "I thought I was going to die. I nearly did. We were caught by the others." I felt the tears falling, "Please understand, I didn't think I was going to live another day, I needed to hear your voice one last time." I had no right to ask what was so important that he couldn't talk to me that night, as much as I wanted to know. 

He put his arm out in front of me, stopping me from walking, I turned and looked at him, his face full of concern. "I'm so sorry." He told me as he looked at me. "I would have never hung up if I knew."

I wiped away my tears as I looked down at the floor. "I wanted to see you so bad. I wanted to speak to you, I wanted to tell you everything."

"Why didn't you?" 

"I thought I could make it go away," I said as I turned away from him, I began to walk again, Ben walking beside me with the dogs. "I hoped that I would find a way out of that part of my life. You came into my life, you made everything so difficult. Every bad decision I made I thought of you, I couldn't help but question every move I made. Every time I left the house I didn't know if I was going to return home, each time I practically was praying I would see you again."

"You should have told me, I could have helped you."

I shook my head, "You couldn't have helped me, no one could."

"Now what Blair?" He asked me. 

"I have no idea," I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm done with it, everyone I worked with is dead. I was let go." We walked alongside each other as we walked through the streets towards my street. "I don't want nothing to do with that part of my life anymore," I said honestly. "I wanted out for a long time, at the time in my head there was only one way out." I thought of Lana, how she wanted to leave, the only person I had known brave enough to ask. "Death."

"I wish you had spoken to me," he said in a soothing tone. "Things could have been so different."

"If I had told you I might have put your life in danger too." I explained, "My boss, he would have definitely killed me if I had told anyone of this. I didn't want you to get hurt. You were the only thing that kept me sane each and every day."

He stopped outside of a house, I looked at the house, "Well this is me." He told me. It looked like somewhere he would live going on his last home. The thing was his home was on the same street as me, if he didn't ever want to see me again it could be pretty difficult. 

I looked at him as I turned, Kaiser looked for a little fuss, I stroked behind his ear as I looked at Ben. "I have missed you, I never stopped loving you." 

Ben nodded as he looked at me. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

Was there? Had I missed out anything that I thought I needed to tell him? I had left out some facts due to the fact I was embarrassed by them, he didn't need to know I was going to kill myself. I bit my lip, "Everything I had with you was true. It was never my intention to hurt you." I looked down at the floor. "My feelings for you were real, are real."

He reached under my chin, tilting my chin up, just so I was looking at him. "I love you, Blair," he told me. "Come inside." 

I looked towards his home before I looked back at him. "Are you sure?"

He took my hand, no words used as he lead me towards his house.