Broken Love //joshler [✔️]

10. Atelophobia

atelophobia
[a-tel-o-pho-bia]
noun
a fear of imperfection, fear of not being good enough.

Tyler had been napping all day, waiting for Josh to get home. He wanted to go to Brendon's house, but the idea made him feel slightly guilty. So instead, he switched between texting his friends and sleeping on the couch.

It was quarter after 4, Josh should be home in five minutes. Tyler was giddy with excitement. He'd missed him all day, and couldn't wait to cuddle and be showered with kisses. He was sitting on the couch watching something on animal planet when the front door opened.

"Josh!" Tyler yelled. "Come see me!"

In came Josh, holding a box of Tyler's favorite cookies. The latter gasped at the sight of them, and opened his arms as a signal for Josh to join him on the couch.

Josh didn't look too happy, but Tyler was ecstatic. He immediately opened the box and started eating, offering one to Josh who shook his head no.

"What's wrong, Joshy? I missed you a lot..."

"I met your friend," Josh said, and Tyler felt the joy melt away.

"Which friend?" Tyler asked, nervously. He hoped it wasn't Elsa, because she would've freaked out on Josh.

"Brendon."

"What'd he say?"

"He asked me how we were doing, said he was worried about us. What did you tell him?" Josh had his jaw clenched, which made Tyler feel anxious. Was he going to get hit again?

"I told him I hit you first. I told him I deserved it. Don't worry, he doesn't know what happened," Tyler was trying to keep his voice steady. He wanted to be strong for Josh. He wanted his boyfriend to believe him.

Josh sighed. "Okay. Do you like the cookies?"

It kind of hurt that Josh didn't deny that Tyler deserved to be hit, but he tried not to think about that. "Yeah, they're yummy. Thank you."

Josh didn't answer, he only picked up the remote and flipped through the channels. Tyler snuggled into his side with a sigh. It seemed like the Josh he didn't like was coming back.

"Can you hold me?"

"Why?"

"Because I missed you?" Tyler didn't mean to sound sassy, but it definitely came out that way. He heard Josh mutter something under his breath, albeit an arm snaked around his waist. Josh squeezed him a little too tightly, but Tyler couldn't complain because he got what he wanted.

"I love you," he said, wanting to know if Josh would say it back.

"I love you too, but you're annoying the shit out of me. Can you just shut up, eat your cookies, and watch the show?"

Tyler went silent after that, a wave of sadness hitting him like a brick wall. His chest hurt, suddenly, and he didn't want any more cookies. He set them aside, subconsciously scooting closer to Josh. The channel had been changed to the news, which Tyler hated watched. All it showed was negative things going on in the world, and Tyler didn't need anymore negatively in his life.

"Do you want me to make dinner?" Tyler asked quietly, unsure if Josh would have an outburst.

"I don't give a damn what you do, Tyler."

With a gulp, he slipped out of the older's arms and went to search the fridge for something he could make. They didn't have a lot of food, which meant Tyler would have to go shopping soon. Maybe he could take one of his friends with him, that would be fun.