Broken Love //joshler [✔️]

7. Despair

despair
[dih-spair]
noun
loss of hope; hopelessness.

Tyler went home early that next day. He left at noon, giving him four hours until Josh would be home. He wasn't sure what exactly to do with the time being, but he wanted to do something that Josh would appreciate.

So, Tyler turned on the radio and blasted it throughout their house. He collected all of Josh's dirty clothes and tossed them in the washing machine, using the kind of fabric softener that Josh liked. He hummed along to the music, his hips swaying as he danced his way downstairs.

In the kitchen, Tyler emptied out all of the leftovers in the fridge that would never be eaten. He did the dishes, swept the floors, and finally cleaned out the microwave after weeks of procrastination. Tyler really hoped his actions wouldn't go unnoticed, he hoped Josh would appreciate this.

The radio station played a sad song next, making Tyler sigh. He was going to change it, but figured he might as well get all the sad out before Josh got home from work. So, he sat on the couch, hugged a pillow to his chest, and thought about all the things wrong with his life. It wasnt long before he started bawling.

He felt different now that he wasn't around his friends. The air at his house seemed much more sad. All Tyler felt now was pain and bordem. He felt lonely, and everything that had happened just yesterday came rushing back to him.

In a way, being slapped signified the breaking of Josh's promise, the only one Tyler thought he was able to keep. He thought about the yelling, the accusations, the tears. Tyler was conflicted; was it his fault or Josh's? Did he deserve it? Would Josh do it again? How could he still love Josh after that, how could he go running right back?

Tyler was crying even louder than the music that had been long forgotten. His chest was on fire, matching the hot tears that streamed down his cheeks. He picked himself up and trudged upstairs to the bedroom where everything screamed Josh.

The walls? Josh picked that color.

The bed? Josh picked out that comforter.

The air? It smells like Josh.

The stain on the carpet? Josh spilled a milkshake right there.

The coat hanging on the back of the door? Josh's.

It was all so overwhelming. Tyler collapsed on the bed, making Josh's scent even stronger. He was still crying, and the music was still blasting. He wished he turned it off, but he wasn't about to go back downstairs just for that. Tyler laid at the end of the bed, feeling undeserving of simple pleasures such as a pillow and blanket.

Tyler tried to tell himself that he was not alone. He had his friends, they all loved him. He had Josh, Josh still loved him. But being on that bed, his sadness enveloped him rather than the blankets. His head was propped up by a monster of thoughts rather than a pillow. And by the weight in his chest, it felt as if the mattress was laying on top of him instead of the latter. Even through all of this confusion, Tyler sat up and took a look around.

The only person there was him.

The only person who cared was him.

The only person who understood was him.

And gosh, was he alone.

Suddenly, Tyler couldn't breathe.

He was alone.

And he was so scared.

__A/N__

Sorry for the short chapter ): Hard to get myself motivated enough to write. Hopefully when school is over updates will come faster and they'll be more enjoyable to read.