Stars Under Spotlights (ChanLix)

2. Felix's Story

A/N: Upcoming Trigger Warning: Anxiety Attacks, Suicidal Comments

When the 4419 pulled up in front of the bus stop, Felix pulled his scarf close to his mouth, desperately snuggling up to the warmth, the tattered, over-worn material providing some heat, though the shreds in it lessened its efficiency. He walked down the dark street; The streetlights were giving off a dim light, the way they were spread out reminded Felix of spotlights, he was walking under the bright lights of a stage, at least, that's what he imagined, however the thought that he'd never debut lingered in his mind and the joyful fantasy made him want to tear up, he refused to let a tear slip as he entered the warm building, being greeted by a few members of staff and trainees.

"Felix! Just in time, I was just about to head to your practice room to see if you were there, but it seems you just arrived." Felix averted his head to the left and locked eyes with a silver-haired young adult he knew all too well. He let a soft smile form on his face underneath the woollen scarf.

"Good morning Mr Bang." Felix greeted the CEO as he watched him walk over.

"It's still freezing, isn't it? Nothing like sunny Australia." Bang Chan interrupted himself with a handsome chuckle, dimples beaming as he smiled at Felix. "I'm glad to see you're wrapping up warm, we can't have such a talented trainee getting sick can we? Especially not since I have a project for you." The CEO playfully smirked, in a way to show he was proud of himself for getting Felix this unknown opportunity.

"Wait, did you say you have a project for me?!" The trainee's smooth, chocolate eyes widened.

"Did I say that? Damn! Well I guess you'll have to meet me in my office to discuss the collaboration."

"Wait, you were serious about our collaboration?" Felix squeaked, smiling like a little girl as his hands held each other against his chest.

"Of course, who wouldn't want to collaborate with such a star like you? You belong under spotlights Felix."

"Mr Bang, please, you're the star under spotlights." 

- TRIGGER WARNING: ANXIETY ATTACKS -

After chatting for a while more, Felix went to put his coat and scarf in his locker before making his way to the CEO's office, but as his hand wrapped around the door handle, his blood ran cold and his eyes widened. The trainee's heart began racing uncontrollably, his breath at a rapid pace. "No, no, no, not now." Tears welled in his eyes and raced down his cheeks. "S-Stop please.."

Felix's mind was racing, his thoughts screaming as his heart pounded, a passing trainee noticed the boy breaking down and raced to his side, asking things Felix barely heard, like "Are you okay?" He listened to the girl speak; "Do you want me to get Mr Bang? Is it something he said?" He refused to respond verbally, the only sounds being screaming and unsteady breaths. "Do you want me to call my friend and tell him to get the company's councillor?"  He looked at her with scared eyes, shaking his head as he did all he could to choke out a reply through shaky breaths.

- TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL COMMENTS -

"D-Don't tell anyone, p-please... I can't lose this job it's all I have."

"But you need support."

"Leave me alone! Don't hurt me, you'll be just like her, won't you? I don't need support, it turns to abuse. I don't need anyone, I don't even need myself but I'm too fucking scared to die."

The trainee looked baffled, anxiously looking at the trainees gathered around, unsure of what to say. Luckily, Byungchan had exited his office when a crowd began to gather, when he exited he had seen Felix's distress. When Felix laid eyes on everyone, specifically Bang Chan, he let out a scream and blurted out a mess of English words that the crowd mostly failed to understand and began to run away, running as if his life depended on it as he pushed away the people trying to hold him back, when he exited the building the staff gave up on stopping him, however Bang Chan ran through the streets of Seoul, screaming out for Felix.

Old, worn-in converse thudded against the grey, damp streets of Seoul, rain pouring viciously as it blended with Felix's violent, warm tears. Behind him, the desperate cries of Byungchan echoed, he heard his yells, and it pained his heart but his feet never slowed; They continued their aimless journey. The screams of Bang Chan fed Felix's misery, why was such a man calling out for him? Felix was merely nothing, but Bang Byungchan was everything. Liquid spilled from his eyes, the heat of them almost burning against his cheeks as they were slapped by harsh, bitter air; His blonde hair was soaked, it stuck to his face as covered his eyes, the thin shorts and t-shirt Felix wore exposing his skin to the weather beating his broken body black and blue. After 10 minutes, a strong pair of arms finally wrapped themselves around Felix's waist, hands slithering around his torso to his hips and holding him still. "Please stop running, I won't hurt you.". The voice was angelic, it was one that had saved him many times before and one he never intended to forget the ring of.

"I can't trust you." Giving up, his shaking body fell into the grip of Bang Chan, his breath still out of tune and his tears still flowing, the rain pouring around them making him shiver, his back huddling into Byungchan's stomach as it begged for warmth. He wished to trust Chan, he wished that the kiss would settle his racing thoughts, but it didn't, it seemed swearing to trust an idol who's saved you is much easier when you don't know them. Guilt ran through him for it, he wanted to push Bang Chan away and tell him to forget about him, but he understood the feelings weren't one sided between them, Chan had kissed him, that showed he loved him... Didn't it? Though Felix thought he was unlovable, so he answered the question with a 'Probably not.'.

"I understand Felix, I don't expect you to, but I want you to understand that if you ever feel like you trust me, you can. I won't betray you Felix, I'd never back stab you. You're an amazing boy and I don't want to lose you; If you see me as a responsible person, I'd love to be able to help you, I'll listen to your story, but I won't force you to. Is that why you broke down, because I sounded like I was going to force you to talk in our last conversation, did you suspect I was going to ask you about it?"

"I... You know me better than myself, I didn't even think that might be the cause." By this time, Felix's breathing had steadied and his tears weren't as frequent, he was calmer. "Why is that? Why do those things happen to people?"
"It's because of love."

"Love?"

"Definitely."

The boys moved to face each other, Chan clutched Felix's cold, shaking hands as he stared into his coffee-coloured eyes, his own soft, caring smile reflecting from Felix's eyes. He listened to a quiet whisper that escaped Felix's mouth.

"Do you love me Chan?"

"More than anything."

"I love you too Mr Bang."

Felix was happy. For now...

A/N: This is the longest chapter yet! It took 2-3 hours so I really hope you all enjoy it, it has plenty of feels, I look forward to your comments, I love reading what you guys have to say!! Also my babies are debuting on the 25th I'm so excited!! Let's all do our best to support them so they can continue to make music, we can NOT let this debut flop!! Anyway, have a great day!