✔︎ | Part of Me (Trilogy)

14 | figure it out

14 | figure it out

do you have to be such a dick?

I don't ever want Axel to let me go. 

And he doesn't, when he sets me back down on the ground, one hand sliding around my back to pull me against him again, the other moving up to hold my face. I expect him to shove me away because he doesn't want to risk his relationship with my family on 'whatever this is'. 

But he can't seem to control himself from drawing me closer and puckering his lips against mine, almost shocked to feel them against his again. Maybe even regretful. He doesn't taste like it though. His mouth is sweet and cool, and I let my hands glide to the back of his head to pull his face closer, my tongue licking his. 

He seems to sigh, almost like he's been dying to get me close again, but with Axel, it's always hard to know what he means. 

We're standing on the middle of the sidewalk when a car drives by and honks its horns, some guys, probably from our school, yelling some crude terms out the window. 

I jump right away, almost biting Axel once again, but he only groans, his hand running up the back of my neck as his fingers comb through my hair. His face falls against my shoulder and he mutters again, more aggressively this time, "goddammit Aviana!"

I breathe him in, everything about him feeling so absolutely perfect, and mumble, "what did I do?"

His arm around my waist tightens, and he's so close that I can feel his rushing heart beat against mine. "What don't you fucking do to me?" He growls, his voice almost a whisper, almost just supposed to be a thought. 

"Well," I whisper, running my hands over his back, "I'm not going anywhere." 

He moves away from me slowly, only far enough to gaze down at me, his grey eyes full of colour. "Oh, God, Aviana," he's shaking his head, "I can't. You know I can't."

And I'm not angry. I nod and lace my fingers with his. "You can keep telling yourself that or you can do something about it. You're not stupid." 

"Aviana," Axel starts, but I'm already walking back down the sidewalk. 

Axel is quicker than I am, and he catches up to me, about to walk up our lane way where Dad is pulling in, from God knows where, and I stop abruptly. Axel does too, almost hitting into me, and we stare guiltily as my dad hops out of his car and gazes at us. 

"Uh—" I start to mumble something, trying to come up with an excuse to tell Dad, even though if I told him the whole truth he'd probably be less angry. 

But he doesn't seem angry. Not at all. He stares back at us for a second, glances from Axel's worried face to mine, and throws up his hand. "Don't look at me!" He growls. "You're almost an adult Aviana, figure your own shit out." He shakes his head and turns, wandering into the house and slamming the door, leaving Axel and I outside in bewilderment.