✔︎ | Part of Me (Trilogy)

10 | is it over?

I turn around to glance as they sit down on the benches, and the first person I notice is Axel, and then Nicole, sitting down on his lap. I can't even blink in confusion. I freeze. My heart freezes. But he doesn't see me, and his arm slides around her back, his hand touching the skin under her crop top. 

I glance back at Sam. I can't look at it anymore. I've never been more jealous in my life. 

Sam shrugs. "I mean they're always like that," she says, "they've been friends since the Tanner incident."

I look back to them, "just friends?" 

Sam sucks air in through her teeth. "Friends with benefits?" 

I gulp. "I can't take it," I whimper, standing up to leave. Sam doesn't hesitate to follow me, and once we're out of the caf, I turn to her and mutter angrily, "he acted like he cared about me! I literally thought he did! And he kissed me like he did. He protected me like he did. He wrote about me, for his English Memoir," I tell her, and she furrows her brows in confusion so I add, "he said that he loved me, and that I was the one who made him hate the world less!"

Sam shakes her head and sighs. "Honestly, you'd be really good for that boy, but he's too stupid to know it," she grumbles, and latches her hand with mine to drag me to class. "Plus, he's confusing. Who knows why he wrote that?" 

I groan. "He probably just did it to get marks. He probably just used me because he was lonely. I can't believe I fell for it." 

"You should talk to him," Sam suggest before we walk into homeroom. 

"Oh, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind." 

・・・

I remember thinking it was unfair that God made such horrible people so attractive, but one) Axel really isn't a horrible person, and two) I don't actually believe in God. Axel just is as he is. And there's something about him, even though I witnessed something he probably didn't intend for me to see this morning, that still makes me want to run up to him throw my arms around his shoulders as my class meets him up at the nets. 

I see him notice me but I don't give him the satisfaction of longingly staring back at him, and engage in a conversation with the girls, even though they realize what's going on and probably don't want to be a part of it. 

"Guys," Axel calls out, and we finally pay attention to him. He waves at the class, "come in closer." We move into the sand, and Tasha has to drag me forward, making us stand at the front of the group, Axel staring right through me. I don't even want to talk to him anymore. He makes me so angry all of a sudden. "Okay, this is going to hurt," he starts, adding a dramatic effect to his voice, "but we're going to rip the bandaid right off — Mr. Jenkins is coming back next week." 

The class awes tragically and if Axel and I were fine with each other, I'd cheer to tease him, but were not, and I don't make a sound. 

"You're just leaving us?" Pete whines, throwing up his hands in pretend distress. 

You'd think this was a drama class, not phys ed. 

Axel laughs. "Actually, I'm just joining you afterwards but," he places his hands on his hips, "you're still going to lose the best teacher you've ever had." 

The class chuckles. I roll my eyes and I'm pretty sure Axel notices. 

We end up getting back into our teams to play a game and I get mine in formation right away before we have to sit out and wait to play because I know Axel wants to talk to me. Tasha nudges me without saying anything, and I mutter, "I know." She gives me sad face, even though she doesn't know the whole story, only snippets, and we start to play. I keep fumbling the ball because Axel is watching us — or more like — just me, very closely, and it makes me nervous.