Love You, Passion-hately

Emotional Crisis

Dec 19, 2017, 10:32 AM

"Hey Cupcake" My Dad had called me in the morning. He sounded nervous. "Morning Daddy. Anything's wrong?"
"No Cupcakes. Actually, I needed to talk to you about something"
"Okay"
"As you know I've been to England on a work trip a few months ago"
"Yeah. I remember"
"Yeah. I ...umm..met someone I used to know. She's nice and we've been dating for a while now.
I think I love her. I want to marry her if you're okay with that. I want you to meet her. What do think, Cupcakes?
Cupcakes? Dawn? Why aren't you saying something?"

"How....how could you think I'd be okay with that? How could you, Dad? How could you do this to mom? How can you replace her like that?" I didn't understand my sudden outburst. I hardly talk about her. And Dad doesn't talk about her too. But I knew he still loved her. How could he forget her like that?

"Dawn. I'm not replacing your mother. I can never replace her. I love her. I still do. But I fell in love again," he sounded hurt.

"Fine Dad. Marry her. I have a class to attend" I hung up.

I got calls and texts so I put my phone on silent. I didn't want to say anything that would make situation worst. I just wanted to be alone for a while. I wanted to be mad, angry, hurt. I wanted to feel everything and miss my Mom. I felt like four years old who cried in her father's arms as she saw her mother being buried in the ground. I knew I would never see her again. I accepted it. I never let myself sulk over the immense loss but now it's back. And my Dad wasn't there.

I cried and cried for what felt like hours. I saw Jan's call. I didn't pick up. She called again.
"Why aren't you in class?" She asked
"I don't feel like it," I said bitterly.
"What happened? Are you alright? Do you want me to come over? I'm coming over," she panicked.
"No. I just need to be alone, Jan. I'll talk about it later. Please," I pleaded.

I knew I was being immature, throwing tantrum. I knew my Dad had every right to move on. He had finally found someone and I should be supportive. And I knew if I let Jan talk to me she would talk the sense right back to me. But right now I didn't want sense. I just wanted to be a stubborn kid and miss my Mom.

"Fine. Take care" she sounded reluctant but understood.

I stayed in my room for what felt like an eternity. Another reason why I believe in no strings attached. I don't do great with heartbreaks and emotions. All I know is you have to feel it all. It demands to be felt. All you can do it let it pass. It gets better with time.

I didn't have many memories of my Mom. Maybe that's the reason I was so pissed. I never had a chance to know her. It would've felt good to be able to talk to someone when I was dealing with growing up. Charlotte's mom had always been nice to me but I still missed Mom. Especially now.

I heard a doorbell. I didn't bother to answer. I heard a few more. Then knock and banging. I wiped my tears and opened the door. "What the fuck Jan? I told you..." It wasn't Jan.
"I'm not in the mood Cameron. Go away," I shut the door but he put a hand in between and opened it wide. He got in and shut the door behind.
"Fine, just stay here. I'll be in my room," I snapped and started for my room. "Dawn, I know you're upset," there was a worried expression on his face.
"Good for you. Now just get out of here," I screamed.
I wanted to be alone. I didn't want him to see me crying.
"No Dawn. I'm not going. Look at you. You've been crying and shutting people out. I'm not letting you alone," he said stubbornly.
"Cameron. I don't want to talk about it. Just let me be alone" I might cry.
"Then Don't. Don't tell me anything. If you want to cry then cry. I won't stop you. If you want to shout then do it. Scream at me. Hit me. Be angry if you feel like it. Do what you need to do. Just let me hold you through it. I'll give you ice cream, chocolates, coffee and all the tissue paper you need. I'll stay quiet and won't even tell you to stop. But there's no way I'm letting you go through this alone, Dawn. Let me be there for you," He caressed my cheek.
I couldn't take it anymore. I cried and he pulled me into his arms. I cried and screamed for what felt like hours. He cradled me in his arms. I thought he would leave but he didn't. He didn't ask me any questions, didn't tell me to stop, didn't complain. He just handed me tissues and pressed me to his chest. Never in the world, I thought it would be Cameron, not Jan, not Bert. Cameron holding me when I was at my lowest.
After 3 hours of constant crying, sobbing and tormenting myself I stopped crying. Cameron made coffee and ordered some pizza. He gave me dark chocolates and played Ed Sheeran for me.
"Thank you," I told him.
"You don't need to thank me, Dawn," he was still holding me. "Are you feeling any better?" He asked. I nodded. He gave me a little smile. "Do you need anything else?" He asked. "No just you" I snuggled closer to him. "I'm already with you. Always" he caressed my back.
"This morning...I got a call from my Dad. He has decided to marry someone he met. He thinks he loves her and I should be happy. He never let anyone close to him after Mom. This woman, he must love her very much and I am happy for him. But I miss my mom and I said some really mean things to him. I just felt that it was unfair to mom..." my voice trailed off.

"Dawn, it's alright to feel upset. You have every right to miss your Mom. But your Dad might also miss her. No one can replace your Mom and I'm pretty sure he's not trying to. He's just as hurt as you are but he deserves to move on. And moving on is not same as letting go. He's not letting her go. It's alright to fall in love again. He had been alone for 18 years now. He deserves to be happy," he lightly brushed my face with his hands. 

"I know. I acted in a stupid way. I might also apologize to him and tell him I'll love to meet her. I'll also love to plan the wedding," I told him. "Good. Clean up and I'll heat the pizza," he kissed my forehead and went downstairs. 

I washed my face and made my way downstairs. I need to call Dad. He might be upset. I felt embarrassed by my behavior. How could I be so rash on him? I saw Cameron opening door for a blonde haired man in the suit. He was in the late 40s and had baby blue eyes. Both Cameron and my Dad were looking at each other in confusion.

"Dad!" I rushed to my Dad and hugged him. "I didn't know you were living with your boyfriend," he frowned. Dad will be Dad. "Dad, this is Cameron and we're not living together. He came to check upon me," I told him. "Cameron Hardwick, Sir. Nice to meet you," Cameron offered a hand to my Dad who took it. "I think I should leave. Goodbye, Dawn. Mr. Clayton," Cameron left but not without giving me sort-it-out look.

"Cupcakes! You wouldn't pick up my calls. I got on the first flight I could get. I'm sorry I made you feel upset. I won't marry Merilyn. You're more important to me," my Dad apologized.

"Dad, no! I didn't mean it. I just missed Mom. I shouldn't have said all that. I want to see you happy and I'm ready to meet her. I might like her too. And I will love to plan the wedding. I know you didn't forget Mom. You're moving on and not letting go. And it's a good thing. You've always supported me and now I want to be equally supportive. Please don't call off the wedding," I apologized.

"But Cupcakes... if you're not happy with it, I can't be happy either," he looked worried.

"I'm happy. And it would be nice to have a mother figure in life to look up to. I never got to know Mom but I would like to know Merilyn," I told him honestly.

"Oh, Cupcakes. Merilyn was a good friend of your mother. They went to college together. She can tell you a lot about your mother and she misses her too. They used to be roommates," my Dad told me.

"Then I want to meet her as soon as possible," I smiled.

"I can arrange a meeting for Christmas. We can all celebrate Christmas together. At home," my Dad promised.

"Thanks, Dad. I would love it," I hugged him. After spending Thanksgiving at Cameron's home I missed warmth at my own house. It had been years since we even lit the Christmas lights.

"And about your boyfriend?" my Dad said in serious tone.

"We go to the same college. We started dating in October but know each other since freshman year. He showed up a couple of hours ago. Maybe Jan had told her I was upset. He calmed me down and made me think it through," I smiled a little remembering Cameron putting up with me.

"Oh and he ordered pizza!" I said in delight.

I talked to my Dad and asked about Merilyn. She was pretty and seemed determined yet kind-hearted. She worked for another company and listening more to her, I thought I liked her. My Dad had told her about me and she liked me and was looking forward to meeting me. I talked to her over the phone.

She also knew about my outbreak and was really upset. I felt ashamed and apologized. She told me she didn't want to create a rift between me and my Dad but I told her I was glad for him and also excited to meet her. She told me about my mom and promised to bake me the cookies my Mom liked. I already liked her. And then I decided that my Dad wasn't substituting my Mom. He was getting me closer to my mother by bringing to us another person who missed her as much as we did.

My Dad also told me to invite my friends and Cameron. I was also planning on inviting Cameron's family. My Dad left after a couple of hours and I gave Cameron all the updates. He said he'd be more than happy to help. 

In the end, it was a very very good day.