Refuge

Chapter 28

*Ella*.

I spent the day in bed.

Now, It was 2am, my eyes wouldn't shut.

I looked out the wall long window as the moonlight beamed through.
It was quiet, not much noise was coming from the busy streets of New York.

I looked beside me as Josh laid shirtless. A hand against his abdomen and one above his head, peacefully breathing his nightmares out.

I sighed and left the bed, in a bikini, I walked over towards the window and looked out. Folding my arms against my chest, I took a deep breath and gasped.

I was eventually confused. Josh coming out yesterday was beyond what I had in mind. He had me question my mission.

To destroy him or to come back to him?

I turned around and looked back over at Josh as the moonlight gave him a bluish colour. I bit my bottom lip and gawked at him.

I'd question myself several times a day, why he was the way he is. That maybe if his childhood was different we could meet in a much more...loved way.

I wasn't scared of loving him, I wanted to.
I was scared of giving him everything and ending with nothing.
I could be out there in love, with a family, but I could be here, in love...and in pain.

I took a deep breathe as I walked lightly across my room and towards the kitchen. I grabbed the cookies and cream ice-cream tub, a spoon and made my way out by the pool. I sat by the pool on the ground, crossed my legs and began to eat my stress away.

"Ella"

I jerked and turned around.
"Jesus, Josh" I sighed, fixing my seating again as I continued to eat.

"What are you doing out here?" he stood shirtless behind me.

"Admiring the water" I sarcastically said.

Josh took a seat next to me and folded his legs. "You didn't sleep huh?"

I shook my head "Not even for a second" I said, placing a spoonful of ice-cream between my lips.

"I slept, but it didn't change a thing. I was suffering asleep and suffering while awake"

"I love sleep" I simply said, looking up at him beside me as our knees slightly touched. "My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"

Josh looked down at me and licked his bottom lip like I was blaming him for my issues. I was slightly but not really, I was just expressing the so called truth.

"You did good for yourself, Ella"

"You mean this penthouse, my job and car?"

"Yeah" Josh looked away and up at the stars.

"Then it might not be only me, after all" I licked my spoon "Maybe others out there are at war with their hearts, minds and are being kidnapped randomly only to be at home after a few hours"

Josh looked back down at me and frowned.
"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No" I shrugged, eating my ice-cream.

"Really? So these direct hints aren't really directed?" Josh's tone was slightly angrier.

"Are they?"

"What do you want Ella?" he said as he snatched the tub away from my hand. "I'm doing what you want, I'm opening up, I'm telling you things I don't even discuss with God"

"Really?"

"What else do you want? I'm trying, okay. I'm trying to be someone I'm not" he sighed, placing the tub on his other side, away from me.

"No, Josh" I placed the spoon on the ground beside me. "You're trying to be who you really are behind the beast. You're trying to be you"

"No"

"Yes" I wiggled so that my chest was facing him instead of the pool. "This is you Josh"

"Don't sit here telling me who I am" Josh sighed, rolling his eyes and looking away.

"Then this is pointless" I shook my head, standing up and preparing to walk away. "I don't understand you. You ask me what do I want when the really question is what do YOU want, Josh"

Josh stood up and inches away from me.

"You tell me things from here, show me things from here, send me mixed signals from here...you just as confusing as you think I am to you!"

"Really now?" Josh looked down with an eyebrow raised.

"I'm tired, Josh" I rubbed the side of my head and walked away.

"And I'm not?!" I heard him follow closely behind. He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him by the lounge room couch. "You think I'm not tired?!"

"Tired of what, Josh?" I whispered as my arms remained within his grip.

"I'm tired, Ella" He simply said, letting go of my hand.

"So stop, Josh. Stop"

"Stop what?"

I looked up at him,. "Stop being someone you're not. Stop the drugs, stop the guns, stop the dirty money. God, do you know how happy it makes me yet so sick to know you're building shelters with dirty money?"

Josh looked away.

A look of shame.

"You're young, you have time to grow and learn. Time to improve and find what you've lost throughout those years"

"I can't" Josh whispered, looking deep into my eyes "I can't" he added.

"Yes you can" I nodded lightly "You can"

"I get pleasure out of torture" he said, "I get pleasure from a devils desire"

I let out a deep breath and cleared my throat.
He was more complicated then I had ever thought. Saving him wasn't a few jumps and leaps. It was a sacrifice.

"So why are you here on sleepless nights, angry days, lost days, happy days...why do you always end up here if you can't be the Josh everyone knows you are" I looked deep into his soul "If you can't be someone I want" I whispered.

Josh took a step towards me and placed his head against my chest. He wrapped his arms around me and took a deep breath.

A call for 'Just hold me please'

I wrapped my arms around him as he rested against my chest before we both, peacefully fell to the ground.

His head remained against my chest as mine rested above his head. He was wrapped tightly around me that it was impossible to release him.

I felt something wet against my chest and then a light groan.

Tears.

I was confused and ironically had the urge to hold him tighter, even through the hate, love and pain he has caused me.

While I was thinking about my plot to bring him down, I thought I was almost there...

Until...

"Because I love you, Mariella"

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Sex scene next... LOVE SEX NOT A DESIRE FUCK ME TYPE !! FINALLY YES IM TRYING TO MAKE IT UP TO YU Guys like i promised.

Thankyu for the lovely support and patience.

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Mia x