Refuge

Chapter 23

*Ella*

The only thing running through my mind was the word dad.

I made Josh and I coffee. I passed him his cup and sat beside him on the couch, crossing my legs as he rested his elbows against his knee and sat right with the cup in his hand.

He gripped the cup tightly and I watched him from the side, his perfect jaw stiff as his eyes twinkled several times.

I frowned.

"Uh" Josh licked his bottom lips, turning to face me "I think this was a mistake"

"Josh"

He looked deep into my eyes, but this time, something was off about his. A scent of fear, pain and regret.

"I was young" he swallowed. "So young"

A part of me then, wanted to stop him but a part of me wanted this, needed this.
"Hey" I placed a hand onto his shoulder "Take your time"

Josh's body was tense, the lump in throat was heard loud enough to think he was choking.

"My dad was an alcoholic, he'd drink all morning, all afternoon and all night. I mean, every second. I didn't know why he was so addicted but Mariam and I suggested he got himself checked...I mean we were trying to help..."

I sipped from my coffee, thinking maybe that sip would sink the lump in my throat.

"But he was abusing, physically, emotionally and mentally"

I took a deep breath.

"He always went out at night, played poker or the slot machines and lost so much of our savings. Mariam...Mum... she would try to talk to him but he would get physical. Many night, well, every night..." he looked away, trying to avoid my eyes "He got physical. He would beat my mum and I would hear her hold back screams in fear someone would hear and he'd hurt them too. But she always made me run, even though I was hopeless, I'd run upstairs and hide under the blanket in my room"

He took a deep breath and exhaled back tears.

"I'd hear my mum yelling. begging and crying that he would leave me alone. But he'd walk into my room, remove the blanket and beat me, even if I ran, he'd beat me wherever I went. Most times he just belted us, sometimes he'd light matches, cigarettes or just a lighter and turn them off against my skin"

"Can I see?" I whispered.

Josh looked at me and shook his head.
"Prefer you didn't, I'm just being forced to speak. I don't want to get too deep"

"It's fine" I nodded "So what happened?"

"I think that's enough for today"

"Josh"

"Ella" Josh licked his lips "That's enough, for today"

I wanted more, it wasn't enough. Though I could see how it was taking over his mind, sending me mixed signals of emotions and feelings.

"Okay" I whispered "Alright"

"I should go" Josh placed the coffee still full onto the coffee table and stood up, shirtless with a bandaged arm.