Refuge

Chapter 11

*Josh*

Telling Ella everything wasn't the plan. I never knew it would come to this, a fair play.

But after everything she's been through, I know that she's guarding herself.
Allowing me to touch her, in exchange of telling her my soul...that's a soul for a soul.

"Ella" I said as she stood in the middle of my penthouse, still in her oversized dirty top. "Go to bed"

"Okay" she whispered.

"I mean go get some rest, sleep"

"Sleep?"

"Sleep" I nodded.

"But-"

"I have spare shirts in the room on your left, change and get some sleep"

"Why?"

"You had a long...night" I smiled.

She nodded, leaving to the room.

I knew if I wanted to win, I needed to play in the way any other normal man would.
Lure her by sweet words, put her trust in me and carry her heart with a promise I wouldn't drop it.
As much as I wanted to fuck the living shit out of her, she deserved much more than that. Her body was golden treasure, not just gold plated.
I wanted to show her that just because I stole her innocence and hurt her, she was still beautiful and deserved nothing but a castle of maids.
Any man who couldn't see that, didn't deserve her.

But it won't change the fact that one thing about me is one night of fucking her.
Just let her rest.

If I was to be honest, I'd say that she deserves better than me, yet she deserves better then all these boys who just fuck.
But if I could bow at her feet and shower her with money, pleasure or whatever she asked for, then I would. It's the reason I stayed, fighting for her.

I was afraid I'd lose the part of me that I had left in her, I was afraid some man would hurt her more then I already had.

So I wanted to put her together again, then, if she decides to leave...she can. But she'll leave in one whole, in hopes the next man around that will possibly hurt her, will only break pieces from her whole.

But I've seen her eyes. In her eyes was the fight. Over the year, she's grown and shaped herself into a knight behind a mask.
She fixed herself a penthouse, works at one of the famous companies, bought the latest car to drop and seen parts of New York she never saw.
She even stabbed a man out of self defence.
A year ago, if you placed a man by her who attempted to rape her, she'd squat in the corner, scream and shove but he'd get his way.

Now, she was willing to have blood on her hands.

I was afraid that too much blood would put a black dot in her heart that I didn't want to witness. Mine was enough. But enough blood would tell the harmful that she was not to be played with and the innocent that she was not easy to get.

I wanted her.
This time the right way, but I know I can't control myself.

I leaned against the kitchen bench top and cleared my mind. As I was about to puff and whisper, finally she's mine, I know that was a lie. She wasn't mine, she was just here. Giving me herself in order to discover me.
It's a type of sacrifice nobody would make if they didn't love you.
She did love me, did she not?