Refuge

Chapter 26

*Josh*

I knocked on Ella's door later that night. It was an hour or so before sunrise but I knew deep down she would be awake.

As her entrance door opened, she stood there still in her black dress. Her eyes were a light red and below them black bags.
She was horrible at hiding the fact she was crying.

"Is this how we're going to be for the next...forever?" I quickly said, standing at the door.

"What" Ella looked uninterested.

"We can't always fight like this Ella" I felt my heart ache at the continuous thought of her crying.

"So give me a reason to stop hating you" she looked into my eyes.

There and then I wanted to tell her I had feelings. Stop hating me because I love you. Even if I took the next flight across the world, I wake up and find myself back here, back to you.
"Because you said you know there's more to me than this, that doesn't stop me from being me"

"I can't show you that there's more to you than...this...if you keep walking around killing people. Innocents too"
She sighed and turned away, making her way to the lounge room.

I followed her, shutting the door behind me.

"How did you find him Ella?" I stood by her as she sat on one of the sofas by the balcony. "How'd you find Luke"

"Since you don't want to tell me anything, I done my own research" she curled herself in the corner of the couch.

"But the internet is wiped clean" I stated the obvious.

"Let's get to the real question, Josh" Ella looked up "How'd you know I was meeting him?"

I sighed and licked my bottom lip as I rubbed the side of my jaw.

"Great, he wants to speak about 'us' but can't communicate" she sighed.

"I have one of my guards following you" I let it out.

"And he's stalking"

"No" I sighed "For protection"

"From who?" She stood up in front of me "If anything, I need protecting from you"

Ella walked past me and through the hallway.

"Let's speak about this" I followed close behind.
I wanted to talk. I hated the fact I knew she was angry at me when I'm trying to win a chance about telling her about some fucking heart I have inside me.
Having her mad at me made it harder for me to tell her I love her.

"Why do you always come, Josh?" she said, still wondering around the penthouse "You kill someone in front of me or manage to piss me off or hurt me and you still come back here like it's normal"

"I'M TRYING OKAY" I felt anger roam me, even though I was still working on that. "I'm trying"

Ella stopped and turned to face me.
"Trying what?"

"I'm trying..."
I'm trying to be the man you want, deserve and need.
It's not as easy as you think.
"I'm trying to give up the evil habits"

"Right" Ella rolled her eyes.

"But I can't do that with you digging in places you shouldn't be. That just brings up more evil shit to do" I listed.

Ella continued to wonder off before entering one of her bathrooms.
"You know what's funny Josh?"

"What?" I stood by the bathroom door as she fiddled by the tap.