Refuge

Chapter 10

*Ella*

The thing with Josh is, if he lied, you couldn't tell. All you would think about is everything he said was the truth. He was naturally good at that, lying.

So how do I believe him?

"Don't go chasing things you're not ready for" I rolled my eyes.

"What?" Josh frowned. "Chasing? I'm not chasing anything. I don't know why I always end up here"

Can you please just tell me you love me?
It would make things easier, it would stop me from thinking you're only here for the sex and pleasure.
Tell me you love me, that's all I want to hear.

"Why are you here?" I ask again.

"Stop asking me, I don't know!" Josh sighed.

"Alright" I puffed "Then leave" since you don't want to tell me that you feel me like I feel you.
"Please"

"Tell me your lying" he took a step towards me.

"About what?!" I began to lose my patience.

"That you don't want me or need me"

"I don't" I shook my head. I don't if you don't want to tell me you need me like I do, I don't.
"Don't get confused. If I say I want you, I'm not reaching for you, I'm reaching out to parts of me that I left in you"

Josh took a deep breathe. "So what do you want?"

"I want you to leave"

Josh puffed and rubbed the back of his head.
Maybe I couldn't tell when he spoke the truth, but looking at him, maybe did speak the truth.
Those slight forming eye bags, messy hair, unorganised style...he wasn't the Josh the world knew.
That, told me something.

He was fighting battles, but battles he won't tell me about.

I can't love someone who doesn't love himself. That's why I can only half love him, while the other half searches for him.

"Alright" Josh whispered. He turned around and walked back towards the door. He stopped by the knob and took a deep breathe.
"It's hard to wait around for something you know might not happen" he said, with his back towards me "But it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want"

I frowned and watched as he left.

Although he slammed the door shut, it wouldn't close, the lock was fucked.

What did he say?
'It's hard to wait around for something you know might not happen, but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want'

Wait.

That's it.

I jogged over towards my door and pulled it open.
"JOSH!" I gasped as the elevator doors just opened by him.
That's all I wanted to hear.
He wants me. Might not be the words I want, but it's enough to tell me he feels me.
"Don't go"

Josh turned around with a frown, lost.

I panted in the hallway, watching his dark eyes slowly come back to life.

He walked back towards me, a fast pace with big steps. My heart raced.
As he placed a hand on the side of my face, it happened.

A year later.
It happened.

His lips met mine, passionately moving.
His dry, lips roughly rubbed against my soft ones.

But then I stopped, I leaned back and moved away.
"I'm sorry" I said, knowing I shouldn't have kissed him.