✔︎ | Part of Me (Trilogy)

41 | let me forget

"Yay!" Jem screeches. She jumps into Will's arms and hugs him. I don't think she understands what he's saying, but since he's excited, so is she, and all I can think about is what I told Axel yesterday and hate myself even more. 

I arrive early to school because Will drives me, and we leave Jem at home with Dad who says he's taking her thrift shopping. Sam is sitting at her desk on her phone when I walk into the classroom, and Axel isn't here. I hope he doesn't show up, but I already know he will. 

I plop down in the chair beside her and mumble a tired "hey." 

She smiles at me. "Sup." 

I shrug. "I'm sitting here." 

"I would too," she says cautiously. 

I frown. "What do you mean?"

She glances up at me. "Axel?" she whispers. "He tried to kill his step-dad? And I heard about the party? What the hell?" 

I shrug. "I don't know. Tanner and I were going to, you know, and he like came in and..."

Sam holds up her hand. "I know," she says, "everyone's talking about it. He's like obsessed with you. I mean, I didn't realize he was that bad, but like, I'm actually freaked out." She groans and twirls her fingers around my blond curls. "I told Will and he's being all defensive and won't even talk to me about it." 

I sigh and throw my arm around her shoulder. Will was rather upset this morning about something, and now I know why. "There's an explanation for everything," I tell her, thinking about what Axel has done to protect his mom and his sister. "I don't think Axel's a bad person. I was really drunk when he took me home. Will would have done the same. I don't blame him for it."

"He's too attached to Will," Sam complains. 

I don't why I'm defending him, but I mutter, "he doesn't really have anyone else."

"That's too bad," Sam mumbles, "I miss my Will." 

I rub her back. "You'll figure it out. Axel will move on soon. Everything has changed for him in a matter of days. It'll be okay." 

Sam sighs. "You trust him?" 

I try not to gulp, remembering him carrying me, warm and secure in his arms as he held me in my bed, his mouth on mine in the alleyway, his hands so strong and rough and yet so gentle at the same time. I shrug, "his dad was a douche so whatever." 

Sam nods. "Yeah. I guess." 

The classroom starts to fill up by the sound of the first bell and Axel walks in seconds before the second one rings. He doesn't look at me, but I can't pull my eyes from his face, his features tired and annoyed and in pain, and this fucking empathetic heart in me wants to reach out and hold him. I glance away before he notices me looking at him, but I'm way too obvious and I know he sees me and he ignores me all together. 

I would too.  

・・・

Tanner waits at my locker after English. I can't help but glance back as the class files out of our homeroom after me to see if Axel notices, but he doesn't budge from his seat. His eyes are glued to his page as he writes, his lips forming a thing line as he concentrates. His head nods slightly as music streams through his earbuds, but he doesn't look up once, and doesn't see Tanner gaze at me, smiling sweetly when I walk over to him. 

I'm hesitant when I approach him. The last time we talked, I kind of told him to screw off. 

"Avi," he says softly, "are you okay?"

I nod. "Fine." 

He sighs. "I miss you." 

In all honesty, I miss him too. I miss going out with him, finding new restaurants, and new spots we could just sit and talk about random things and forget the world. And I want to forget the world right now: Forget what's happening in my home: Forget Axel: Forget how happy I was when he kissed him, and when I kissed him back: Forget what I said to him about his family. 

I throw my arms around Tanner and hold on tight.

I can't take this haunting regret in my chest.

Tanner's arms lace around my back and hold me. He's strong and warm and comforting and I feel like the harder I hug him, the more and more he makes everything else disappear. 

・・・

:x hey loves, leave a vote and a comment