Malibu, California CA 2015, July 1st Wednesday 05 : 19 pm
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Rihanna Fenty
Another week passes with me watching my wife's lifeless body hooked on those machines. The memories I have of her laughing with me and flashing her beautiful smile taunt me.
This chapter of my life has reduced me to someone who almost believes in an invisible man in the sky.
I visit the chapel in the hospital at least once a day but I can never bring myself to utter a word while standing before a hung Jesus.
I've been here, In front of the man on the cross, for at least seven times and each time i froze when it was time to speak. I felt ridiculous for thinking there was some magician in the sky who could wake my soulmate up.
But I was desperate, I am desperate. I'm desperate to feel her staring at me when she thinks I'm not looking. To feel my heart beating out of my chest when I stare at her a moment too long. I was desperate to feel in love again.
"I don't know how much longer you think I'm going to hold on" my voice interrupted my depressed mind.
"If you take her away from me, I'll be the worst person you have ever created. If you take her away from me then..." I paused. I could feel something rising in my body.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME MAN??!" I shouted out unconsciously at the statue in front of me.
"All you've ever done was make my life a misery! You took my dad from me then mom and now you want to take my only chance at surviving" my heart started beating fast as tears streamed down my face
"She didn't do anything to you, she doesn't deserve this. Beyoncé has been through a lot... if anybody deserves to be punished it's me, not her" I continued to cry
"I will be no good to my children if she's not here. I won't be able to love them." I tried to control my emotions as I spoke, evidently failing miserably
"Please bring her back... I'll take her place. Kill me and spare her... please" I whispered the last bit.
💜
"You look tired" Nana put a small blanket over my shoulders as i sat next to Beyoncé. Holding on to her warm hand as reassurance that she's still alive.
I try my best to not think of the worst, I stay positive for the sake of my children.
I haven't had time to really look into the fact that someone poisoned my baby, I felt too weak to even think about it. Drake and Breezy are working on it though, I believe they will have some news for me soon.
Amir is a lot quieter too. She had another one of her dreams about a week ago but she wouldn't tell me what it was about. She spent two days crying none stop.
Around 2 - 3 am I heard her talking to someone 3 days in a row but when I asked her who she's talking to she wouldn't say.
I took her to sleep with me in my room so I could keep an eye on her better. She really worries me. I wonder if she would ever be this connected to her biological mother.
"Amir is so depressed, I don't know how to help her. She always spoke to her mother about how she felt and Bey would always make her feel better" I gulped my feelings as I spoke to Nana.
She held my hand and tightened her grip. I gently wiped the tear rolling down my face.
"I know... she misses her mother." The old woman said.
"I haven't been able to be around my younger children in a week. I can't do it" I whispered. I was ashamed that I couldn't be around my own children because they looked so much like their mother.
The children my wife begged and threatened me so much to have. I saw her as a whole in their little bodies. My daughter even has her eyebrows, it's insane.
My thumb brushed up on her still soft palm. I brought it to my lips and placed a gentle kiss on it. I remembered how that makes her blush.
The doctor came in the room as silence surrounded us.
"Good evening" he greeted passing us a warm smile, nana returned it but I didn't.
"Evening Dr Michaels" she responded, I just continued to stare at my wife. Playing subconsciously with her hand.
"How is she doing doctor?" Her granny asked the white guy that stood near us. He sighed
"Well... her brain has been showing a significant drop in activity for the past week. Uh..." he paused for a moment, I looked up to him and saw a sad expression on his face
"It seems that Mrs Fenty is brain dead" he said, my world stopped as soon as those words left his mouth. I lost all hearing as he continued to explain.
My body shook dramatically looking at my baby, it can't be
"I'm so sorry, we've done everything we can" he said.
Suddenly the heart monitor began making weird sounds, the beeping sound became more rapid. The doctor quickly attended her as nurses came rushing in the room. One of them pushed us out of the room saying they needed space
My body became weaker as I became aware of what was actually going on. I heard the doctor yell clear as we stood outside the room. Her grandmother was praying hysterically besides me as I kept frozen.
🌸🌸🌸
"Time of death is... 07:21 pm, 1st July 2015" he said to the nurse who was noting down. Nana was inconsolable besides me. I felt as if I couldn't breathe
She's gone.
When I felt someone pull me into a hug, I began shaking aggressively and bore out a wild cry.
I pilled myself from whoever was holding me and threw myself on her body. She had gone pale very quickly, I hugged her tighter trying to prevent her body heat from leaving her lifeless body.
"You can't leave me! You said forever!" I cried down her neck
